


Faithful

by PattRose



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Sexual Confusion, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 06:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 46,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim notices that Blair doesn't seem interested in him any more and of course has a nervous breakdown over it.  Will Blair come to his senses?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faithful

Faithful   
Patt

 

Jim noticed something wrong with Blair lately. He just wasn’t sure of what it was. He needed to talk to him and see if he was doing something wrong. Jim didn’t want to fuck up the one good thing in his life. He’d had a chance with Carolyn and he’d screwed that up. It wasn’t going to happen with Blair. No way. 

As Blair walked out of the bathroom, Jim leaned down and nibbled on his ear. Blair pulled away and said, “Man, we have to be at work in an hour. Don’t start anything, all right?”

Jim pulled away and said, “Sure, Chief.” As Jim got into the shower, he felt the fear try to overtake him. However, he wasn’t going to let it. He had to stay in control this time. They’d work things out. 

Blair frowned thinking about the way he had just treated Jim. He needed time to think some things through. When Jim came out of the bathroom, he found an empty loft with a note. The note said: 

_Jim,_

_I’ll see you at the station. I have to take care of some paperwork and get some things done. I needed to have my own car for later too. See you in a short while._

_Love, Blair_

Jim stared at the note for a while before he drug himself up the stairs to get ready for work. Yes, there was something wrong with his guide. He sure as hell didn’t know what it was. Nevertheless, he was going to find out if it killed both of them. 

When Jim got to the station, he went to the lab to get the test results that they had been waiting on. He heard his partner down there. 

“So you’re new here, eh?” Blair said. 

A female voice that Jim didn’t recognize at all, said, “I just started a week ago. And I love it so far. How would you like to go for dinner tonight, Blair?”

“Yeah, I think that would be nice.” Blair answered. 

Jim’s heart was beating so hard he could hardly breathe. _What the fuck was going on? What did he miss? Blair just was asked out on a date and he accepted. Besides, Blair was his. Okay, maybe not his, but they were committed. Well, Jim was fucking committed. Evidentially...Blair wasn’t._ Jim rushed to the elevator to get upstairs before Blair found out he was down there and heard what was said. 

The entire ride upstairs was like a nightmare for Jim. He was trying to get control of his feelings, but was having a problem doing it. He would have to let Blair make the decision. He couldn’t make Blair stay with him. Jim hit his forehead repeatedly on the side of the elevator. When the doors opened, Megan was standing there and she stepped on and pushed the close door button. 

“Jim, what’s wrong?” She asked. 

“Nothing, I just have some things on my mind is all.”

“Want to go and have a cup of coffee and talk to a friend about it?” Megan asked hoping he would consider her a friend. 

“Sure, why not?” Jim answered, shocking Megan. They made their way over to the diner across the street and sat in a booth. 

The server came up, they both ordered a cup of coffee, and Connor pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number. Simon answered, “Banks.”

“Captain Banks, Ellison is having some trouble with a headache. It has to do with the sentinel stuff. So I’m taking over for a little while because I couldn’t find Sandburg.”

“Fine, Connor, but try to get back here soon. And next time let me know before you leave.” Simon growled through the phone. 

“No problem, Captain. I’ll have him back as soon as he’s up to it.” Megan said. 

“See that you do, Connor. I’ll see you back up here shortly. Goodbye.” Simon said hanging up his phone.

“Okay, shoot, Jim.” Megan started. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I really don’t. I’m not trying to keep things from you, Connor, I don’t know.”

Connor saw the look of fear, the dread on his face, and knew that something was wrong and she didn’t need to be a detective to tell her that it was about Blair. 

“Okay, Jim, is this about Sandy?”

“Why would you think it’s about Sandburg?”

“Why not? You’re best friends, when he’s upset you are, so I figured something might have happened.”

“No, Connor, it’s not Sandburg. I have feelings for someone and just found out they don’t feel the same about me.”

“Ahhhh. I get it now. You overheard something you shouldn’t have, right?”

“Yeah, right. It still boils down to the fact that I thought someone really loved me and they don’t.”

“Sandy does to love you and you know it. Something must be wrong. What did you do to him?”

The server walked up with their coffee making both detective’s very quiet. Neither wanting the server knowing their personal business. 

“Thank you.” Connor said to the server as she started walking away. 

“If you need a refill, just wave and I’ll bring it right over,” She said smiling at Connor. 

As soon as she was out of earshot, Jim said, “Why are you saying that?” Jim looked at her so hurt it broke Connor’s heart. 

“I’m sorry, Jim. I was joking, but I see now it’s not a joking matter. All right seriously. I think that maybe Sandy is having second thoughts about being in love with a man.”

“Connor, how do you know about us? We’ve been very discreet.”

“Jim, don’t worry. No one else knows. I just sensed it. Anyone with eyes can tell you’re totally in love with Sandy. I think that Sandy is in love with you too but I also think that Sandy might need more than what you’re giving him.”

“What do you mean, Connor? I’d do anything for him. What more could I do for him?”

“Maybe he wants you both to come out. Not just at the station, but everywhere. Blair is a free bird flying around and you know that he might feel caged right now.”

“Jesus, Connor you make it sound like I’m trapping him,” Jim said with such sadness that Connor was taken back with his tone. 

“No, I don’t mean you’re trapping him, but give him the option to choose what he wants to do. He’ll be back, Jim, don’t worry. He loves you too much to stay with anyone else.”

“What happens if I don’t want him to be with anyone else? Especially the new girl from records.”

“Well, you’re going to have to decide what you want to do. Do you want to keep him close or let him go for a while and see what happens?”

Putting his head in his hands, he just sat there without saying a word. Finally looking up, Jim said, “Connor, please don’t mention this to Blair, okay?”

“Not a word, Jim. Not a word. Now let's get back to work.”

“Could we just sit here for a moment or two? I need to get my thoughts straight. Actually, I don’t want to get you in trouble, go ahead and go.”

“That’s okay, Jim. Well, if we’re going to talk for awhile, can I ask you some questions?”

“Sure, shoot.” Jim said actually smiling. 

“Well...have things been like really good for you in the last couple of weeks? Or have you noticed something for a while and just didn’t want to admit to it?” Connor asked as quickly as she could. She didn’t want to lose her nerve.

“I’ve noticed something was different for about two weeks now. It’s not like we don’t make love, we do. Blair seems different about it now, like it’s not that big a deal to him anymore. Honestly, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s acting as if it was a chore to fuck me.”

“Whoa, Jim. I wasn’t expecting quite that much info. Let’s take this one step at a time. What did Sandy tell you when you asked him about the change in how he was acting?”

“I didn’t ask him. I figured he had things on his mind from work. I do that sometimes. We have a high stress job, Connor. You know that. I figured he’d talk to me when he felt like it.”

“Ellison, sometimes you’re such an idiot. I’d shoot you if I could get away with it. Besides you look too damn pathetic.”

“Well thank you very much. You’re such a good friend,” Jim said angrily starting to get up out of the booth.

“Get your ass back here, Jim. Now.”

Jim slid back into the booth and waved for the waitress for a refill on the coffee. Once she filled both of their cups, Connor turned to Jim and said, “You wanted to talk, then we’re going to talk. I can’t believe you didn’t talk to Sandy about this when it first started. He probably thinks you don’t care.”

“Connor, you have no idea how much I care about that man,” Jim said sadly. 

“Well, actually Jim, I think I have an idea. I’ve watched the two of you. You're more of an action kind of guy and Sandy seems to be the talking type of guy. That’s probably been a problem from the start.”

Jim hung his head and said, “I’ve never really noticed that we had a problem. Therefore, I can understand why he’d want to go elsewhere. I’m such a loser.”

“Jim, come on, you’re no loser. You’re just a little mixed up right now.”

As Jim and Connor continued to talk at the diner, Blair walked into the bullpen quite full of himself after making that date. He saw that Jim was nowhere around. He walked up to Simon’s door, knocked and opened it and said, “Sir, have you seen Jim?”

“Well, if it isn’t Detective Ellison’s partner. Yes, I’ve seen Jim. He was having some Sentinel trouble so Connor took him somewhere to get it taken care of.”

“Shit, I’m sorry sir. I’ll try not to let it happen again. I was down in records picking up the paperwork we needed,” Blair said quietly. 

“Well, if I know you, Sandburg, you were trying to make a date with the girl down there. Do it on your own time from now on,” Simon bellowed and Blair stood to leave. 

“I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll try to not let it happen again.”

As Blair walked to his desk, he was trying to figure out what was happening with Jim. Why would he need help from Connor? It had been ages since his last zone out. So somehow, he figured it was something else. Then suddenly Blair figured out that Jim might have overheard him making the date with Kellen downstairs. Well, it was bound to happen eventually. He and Jim had never discussed being exclusive. Maybe they’d have to. Blair wasn’t quite sure that he wanted to be exclusive with a man that was as closed off as Jim Ellison. He really loved women. Smiling at the thought of Kellen, he got back to paperwork and hoped his partner was all right. 

After about an hour, he brought his cell phone out and dialed Connor’s number. “Connor,” She said when she answered it. 

“Hey, Connor,” Blair said, “seen my partner lately?”

“Yeah, he’s here with me, we’re on our way back to the station right now. He’ll talk to you then,” Connor said hanging up her cell. 

As they walked back to the station, Jim said, “Connor, I love him so much that sometimes it’s scary. I’m afraid to believe it because it might be ruined. Now I know why I felt like that.”

“Jim, you need to tell him this stuff. I would love it if someone told me they loved me like you just said you loved Sandy.”

“Yeah? Well, I’ll try talking to him tonight. I promise,” Jim said as they got on the elevator.

As they stepped off the lift, Blair watched his partner walk over to this desk and he asked, “You okay, Jim?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I had one of the worst headaches I’ve had in years. Connor helped me get through it though.”

“Good, I’m glad. Listen I want to talk to you. Do you want to go and have lunch?” Blair asked. 

“Right now? I just got back from a break, I think Simon might frown on that, Chief.”

“No, I meant at lunch time. I have some things to talk over with you. It’s important.”

“All right, we’re on for lunch then,” Jim said as he started his paperwork and they worked steady until it was lunchtime. 

Blair got up from his desk and told Simon that he and Jim were going to go for lunch. Simon said, “We’ll see you both back here in an hour, right?”

“Right, Sir. We’ll be back in an hour,” Blair said almost laughing. 

He walked over to Jim’s desk and said, “You ready to go, tough guy?”

“Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be,” Jim said as he got up slowly and walked with Blair to the elevator. 

As they walked into the diner, they were about to sit down in a booth, when Kellen called from across the room. “Blair, why don’t you and your partner join me for lunch.”

Blair looked at Jim and said, “Do you mind?”

“No, that’s fine,” Jim said as he made his way back to her booth.

He sat down and she stuck her hand out and said, “Detective Ellison, right? I’m Kellen, from records downstairs.”

Jim shook her hand and said, “Nice to meet you Kellen.”

“Blair, are we still on for dinner tonight?” Kellen asked. 

Blair looked sheepishly at Jim and said, “Do you mind if I don’t cook tonight?”

“No, that’s fine, Sandburg,” Jim said with an air of defeat in his voice. Blair didn’t even notice, because he was too caught up in the fact that the new girl noticed him. 

When the server came to take their order, Jim asked, “Could I have mine to go?”

“Jim, don’t leave yet. We haven’t talked yet,” Blair said. 

“No, that’s okay, Chief. I’ll talk to you tonight at the loft.” 

Kellen started talking to Blair about college things and Jim noticed how much they had in common. He could see the attraction. No wonder Blair was torn. When the server brought his food, he paid her, with a large tip and said, “It was really nice meeting you, Kellen. I hope to see you again soon.”

“Oh you’ll be seeing me all the time if you live with our Blair,” Kellen said. 

Jim just cringed when she said that, but noticed that Blair didn’t seem that bothered by it. He walked out the door of the diner not even saying goodbye to his partner.

Blair caught up with him outside and said, “Jim, I need a little room. I know we needed to talk about this, but I think it would be best if I just cool things for a while. Then we’ll see where we stand. Cool?”

“Fine, Sandburg. I’ll see you back at the station,” Jim said walking away from Blair. 

When Jim got back to the bullpen, he finished the one thing he really had to, then went and knocked on Simon’s door. “Come on in, Jim.”

Walking in, Jim said, “Simon, I’m still having a little trouble with the headache. I was wondering if you’d be okay with letting me go home early.”

“Sure, go. Don’t worry about things here. You’re partner is capable of taking care of paperwork until you get back on your feet. Call me tomorrow and let me know how you’re doing. You look pretty bad right now.”

“Yeah, I feel bad. Sorry, Sir. I don’t mean to take off time for this sentinel stuff.”

“No problem, Jim. Go and rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Simon said as he opened the door for Jim. 

Jim went down to the parking garage, got in his truck and drove to the loft. Once there he went upstairs and lay on their bed. He was hoping that he’d be able to sleep off this awful feeling, but he heard Connor knock at the door.

Trudging down the stairs, he finally got there and said, “What?”

“Ellison, you didn’t talk to him, did you? I knew you’d chicken out. You’re such a chicken shit.”

“Well, Connor if you must know, we were going to talk. I had it all set in my head when Kellen asked us to join her. She’s the woman that wants Blair.”

“Oh shit. So what did you do?”

“Well, I did the only thing I could. I got my lunch to go and then left. I couldn’t stand it. Blair was flirting with her. I’m still in shock.”

“Jim, you have to talk to him. The sooner the better.”

“Connor, he said he needed room and wanted to start dating Kellen. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?”

“Well, you sound like you’re giving up,” Connor said sitting down on the sofa looking very depressed. 

“Yes, I’m giving up. I don’t really care anymore. Connor, I’m way too fucking old for these games. Blair knew I was like this when he met me. Why should I change now?”

“Well, you might have to if you want to keep him.”

“Maybe I don’t want to keep him anymore,” Jim said sadly. 

“Ellison, you’re so full of shit. You know you still want him. You’d be nuts not to. Everyone wants Sandy.”

“Thanks, Connor, that makes me feel a lot better.”

“You know that he’s one of my best friends, right? Well, so are you. I would have gone out with you in a heartbeat. So, don’t go thinking that Sandy is the only heartbreaker. You have a lot of potential. Maybe we need to work on that. I think if Sandy saw how attractive you were to women at the station, he’d come around. 

“Connor, I seriously don’t want to play these head games. I mean it.”

“Fine, if you want to lose him to someone named Kellen, more power to her,” Connor said getting up from the sofa and storming out of the loft, slamming the door. 

Jim looked at the closing door and thought to himself, _oh goody, now you have two of your friends mad at you. Not just Blair, but now Connor joined the ranks._

!!!!!!!!!!

Jim slept until dinnertime and got out of bed to make something to eat. He noticed that Blair had been home but didn’t even wake him up. He made up something fast and easy. Sitting down in front of the television, he ate dinner alone, feeling sorry for himself while scanning the channels on the tube. 

When he felt tired again, he went and got ready for bed. He called Simon when he came out of the bathroom and when Simon answered, Jim said, “Simon, I’m still not feeling up to running speed. I think I’ll take a few days off.”

“All right, Jim. I hope you’ll be okay. Do you need anyone to talk to? You sound kind of down.”

“No, I’m fine, Simon. Thanks for thinking of me though.”

As soon as he got off the phone, he walked upstairs and got into bed. The next thing he knew he was sound asleep. He heard Blair come in at 2:00 in the morning and found himself getting a stomach ache just thinking about what they had been doing. Blair walked upstairs and started taking his clothes off. 

Blair slid into bed next to Jim, pulling Jim into his arms and said, “I missed you, hot stuff,” while kissing Jim’s neck and chest. 

Jim was so confused. He didn’t know what to make of any of this. _First, he could smell Kellen on Blair, but not the way he’d thought he would. Therefore, Blair hadn’t slept with her. Now Blair seemed ready to fuck Jim. What was going on?_

Blair pulled Jim closer to him and had Jim’s boxers off in no time at all. He started kissing and sucking his chest as he moved down Jim’s long body. Jim was trying to keep his mind off this so he could talk to Blair but had no luck in that department. He was hard as a rock. Instantly. Jim pulled Blair up and kissed him very hard and said, “Love me, Blair. Show me how much you love me.”

 

Blair reached over and picked up the tube of lube, and started stretching Jim out. As he did this, he was kissing Jim and telling him how hot he made him. Jim was already near the edge and Blair hadn’t even gotten inside of him yet. 

Blair pulled out his fingers and pushed slowly into Jim’s tight opening and Jim took shallow breaths until he felt good about having Blair move. Then he said, “Baby, move. Fuck me hard.”

Blair did just that. He fucked him harder than he’d ever fucked him before and the whole time he just kept saying how great Jim felt and hot great Jim looked. Jim was very confused. He still couldn’t stop the orgasm from coming. He shouted out Blair’s name as he came and after four more thrusts into Jim, Blair came too. 

When Blair finally pulled carefully out of Jim, he cleaned him up with a wipe and did the same thing to himself. Then he pulled Jim into his arms and Blair was sleeping within minutes. 

Jim lay there motionless for quite some time. Finally, it happened, tears that were on his mind this morning, started and he couldn’t stop them. Before long, he was sobbing. The sobs weren’t loud, but they were enough to wake Blair up. 

“Jim, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Blair asked confused from being half asleep. 

“Yes, you hurt me. Not physically, just emotionally. I can’t do this, Blair. I can’t have you fuck me after you tell me that you want to keep dating. I can’t do it.”

“All right, I won’t fuck you from now on. Now let me hold you and go to sleep.”

As Jim fell into a fretful sleep, he kept thinking, _what's wrong with this picture? I’m missing something here._

!!!!!!!!!!

The next day Jim awoke to an empty bed. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was already 10:00. Jim wasn’t normally a late sleeper. He picked up the phone and dialed the station asking for Blair. 

Blair picked up his phone and said, “Sandburg.”

“Chief, I need to talk to you. Are you alone?”

“More or less, why, what’s up? And why did you tell Simon you needed three days off?”

“I just felt like I needed some time to get my head together is all. Now, I want to talk to you about what happened last night.”

“I told you, it wouldn’t happen again, until I’ve made up my mind what the fuck I’m doing. I’m confused.”

“Chief, I know you’re confused. I need to tell you a few things first. Okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m listening,” Blair said leaning back in his chair at his desk. Everyone in the bullpen wondered whom he was talking to. Connor looked over at him and knew that Jim was probably on the other line. She knew she could count on Jim to come to his senses. 

“First of all, I have to tell you how much I love you. I don’t know if I tell you that when we’re not in bed and I think that it’s important. I do love you, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I know you do, Jim. I know that much,” Blair said quietly. 

“Well, when you made love to me last night you never said one thing about how you felt about me. It was almost like you were just horny and needed to have some sex and since I sleep in the same room, well, there you have it.”

“What do you want me to say, Jim?”

“I want you to tell me that you love me. I want you to say that you’ll at least think on this for a few days before you sleep with someone else.”

“Jim, I’m really confused right now. I don’t know if I really love you or not. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with the Sentinel senses,” Blair whispered sentinel soft so that everyone in the bullpen wouldn’t hear it. 

“Well, at least you’re being truthful. I guess that answers that question for me. I would like you to move downstairs tonight. I can’t sleep in the same room with you, Chief. I’d have to have you and I can’t if you don’t love me.”

Still whispering, Blair said, “I never said I don’t love you. I said I’m not sure. There’s a big difference. Let me figure this out, first. And I like sleeping with you.”

“No, Chief, I want you out of my bed. It will only confuse us both.”

“Oh shit, you’re just pissed off because I fucked you last night and didn’t tell you I loved you,” Blair looked up as he said this and saw Connor come over to the desk. 

“Sandy, you might want to lower your voice on this. Everyone is wondering whom you’re talking to. I know who it is, but they don’t.”

“I gotta go, I’ll talk to you tonight. Goodbye,” Blair said as he slammed the phone down. 

“Sandy, can I talk to you please?” Connor asked.

“No, you can’t, Connor. I already know that you’re taking Jim’s side on this, so why even bother?” Blair grumbled as he brushed past her and went into the restroom. Connor, not letting a men’s room ever detain her from what she wanted to do, followed him in. 

“Excuse me, Connor. The last time I looked it said, Men’s Room. So could you like, leave?” Blair asked angrily. 

“No, I can’t like leave, not just yet.” Connor proceeded to look under all of the stalls and then she locked the door to the room so they wouldn’t be interrupted. “Now, if you don’t want to listen, don’t. But I’m going to have my say.”

“Connor, why should I listen to you?”

“Because you’re my best friend, Sandy, that’s why.”

“If I’m your best friend why are you siding with Jim?”

“Okay, enough of that shit. You sound like a child, Sandy. I’m not siding with anyone. I want to know what you’re feeling. What you’re thinking about right now.”

“Megan, I’m so fucking confused, it isn’t funny. I just feel like I might be in over my head.”

“That’s understandable, Sandy. I’m sure that Jim will understand you needing to think about it.”

“He’s making me move downstairs until I make up my mind. He’s pissed off because I went on a date last night and came home and fucked him instead of her I guess.”

“Sandy, I can’t believe you did that or said this. Jesus, please tell me that you’ve talked to Jim about this since then.”

“What do you want me to say, Connor? I told him he was just pissed because I didn’t tell him I loved him while I fucked him.”

“Sandy, what is going on with you? You would never hurt Jim like this normally.”

Blair began pacing in the confined room and said, “I have to get out of here. I know you’re trying to help, Connor, but I need to think. I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Blair, please listen for just a minute. If you don’t want Jim, then tell him. But don’t go out of your way to hurt him.”

“See, I knew you’d take his side on this. I knew it,” Blair said angrily as he stormed out of the restroom, leaving the bullpen without telling Simon where he was even going. 

As Connor walked out of the Men’s room, Simon said, “Connor, could I see you in my office please?”

“Yes, Sir,” Megan said with a sigh. She then followed him into his office, sat down in one of the chairs, and just looked at him. She was going to make him work for this. 

“Connor, you want to fill me in on what the hell is going on with Sandburg?” Simon asked, very seriously. 

“No, Sir, I don’t. If it doesn’t have to do with what we’re working on, it’s none of your business.”

“Shit, Ellison and Sandburg are sleeping together, aren’t they?” Simon said starting to do his impression of the Sandburg pace. 

“No, Sir, they aren’t sleeping together,” Megan answered in all honesty. _Well, they’re not. They sleeping in separate bedrooms. He doesn’t have to know that they were._

“Oh thank god. I was worried there for a second,” Simon said starting to calm down again. Then he saw the angry look on Megan’s face and knew he’d not said the right thing. 

“What? What did I say?” Simon asked. 

“Are you saying that if they ‘had’ been sleeping together you would have been angry?”

“Connor, you’re turning things around. That isn’t what I meant and you know it.”

“No, Sir, I don’t. Why don’t you explain to me what you meant,” Connor said glaring at Simon. 

“What I meant is, it’s hard enough to be cops, let alone gay cops. I wouldn’t push the gay lifestyle on anyone, let alone my two friends.”

“So, Sir, you’re saying if I told you that I liked to sleep with women, you’d be angry with me?”

 

“No, Connor, I would not. Moreover, it’s not the same for women. You couldn’t understand,” Simon said making a face at her. 

“Oh yeah, of course I couldn’t understand about how two guys could possibly love each other. And then, oh god forbid, they’d put their dick up another guys ass.”

“Connor, I’d rather not hear about this if you don’t mind.”

“Face it, you’re a homophobe, Simon. I’m ashamed to say you’re my friend,” Connor said as she stood up to take her leave. 

“Connor, sit back down. I’m not a homophobe and you know it. I’m just uncomfortable when I hear that kind of talk. Men don’t like hearing that.”

“Well, you all make me mad. You’re so close-minded it isn’t even funny. Aussie’s are a lot more open about the gay issues.”

Why are we still discussing this? For gods sake, no one we know is gay,” Simon said, totally pissed off by this time. 

“Well, sir, I hate to break this to you, but I’m gay.” Connor said. 

“What the hell are you talking about Connor? I know you’ve had your eyes on that Detective in Vice. I heard Rafe talking about it,” Simon said trying to regain his composure.

“Yeah, I do. Her name is Detective Mel Murdock.”

“Geeze, I figured Mel was a guy. I’m sorry, Connor. Since when?” Simon asked very confused. 

“I realized that I had a thing for her about two months ago. I asked her out and we’ve been seeing each other for about 4 weeks now. She’s great. You’ll like her.”

“Connor, do I have anyone else that I might need to talk to about this very same thing?”

“Well sir, I know a certain Detective that is so in love with his partner and he could use a friend to talk to. As far as I know, they’ve just broke up,” Megan said sadly. 

“Oh shit. Jim dumped Sandburg? What the fuck was he thinking? I’m going to knock the shit out of him. He’s such an ass sometimes, isn’t he?” Simon asked. 

“Well, that he is, Sir, but you’ve got it backwards.”

“No, you’re having one over on me, aren’t you?” Simon asked in shock. 

“No, Sir. I’m not kidding you. Blair's confused and Jim's heartbroken. So, I would suggest that nothing be mentioned to either and let them work it out themselves.”

“I’ll stop by and talk to Jim tonight. I don’t want him to think he can’t come to me. Do I strike you as the type that a person couldn’t go to when it’s about a gay issue?”

“Well, you don’t seem that open to new things, sir. But I guess I was wrong,” Megan said smiling. “Could you not bring this up? They would both die if they knew we were discussing them.”

“Well, I do need to talk to Sandburg about leaving the bullpen without letting me know where he was going. No way around that, Connor,” Simon said getting back to his gruff self. 

“Yes, Sir. I understand. You don’t have to bring up his personal life. Right?” Connor asked pleadingly. 

“No, I won’t bring up his private life, Connor. Give me a little credit. Now get out of here and get back to work.”

Megan left, went to her desk, sat down and started working. She saw Simon watching her though the blinds and then turning around when he saw she was watching him. This made Megan laugh aloud. She realized that Simon had probably not had to deal with any gay cops in his unit until now. Smiling, she walked down the hall to get some coffee. 

!!!!!!!!!!

Sandburg came walking back into the bullpen, sat at his desk, and started typing his paperwork out when Simon yelled from his doorway, “Sandburg, do you think you could clear your calendar for your boss?”

“Yes, Sir,” Blair said standing up and heading into Simon’s office dreading the yelling that would no doubt take place. 

Shutting the door, Blair sat down and waited for Simon to start yelling at him. Instead, he looked up and saw a very solemn and quiet Simon. Finally, not able to stand it any longer, Blair said, “Simon, you gonna yell at me or what?”

“I don’t think I need to yell at you, kid. I think you’ve beaten yourself up enough lately. What’s going on, Sandburg?”

“I have a lot of things on my mind, Sir, and I’d prefer not to share them, if you don’t mind.” Blair said looking at the floor. 

“You don’t have to share anything with me but something is going on with you and Ellison and I was hoping that I could help you in some way.”

“Connor came in here and opened her big mouth, didn’t she?” Blair said, getting angrier by the moment. 

“Connor told me about her and a certain Detective in vice if that’s what you’re talking about?” Simon said sidestepping Sandburg’s original question. 

“Connor is seeing someone in Vice? Man, I didn’t even know that and I’m one of her best friends.” Blair said as he stood up and looked out over the bullpen looking for Megan. He’d have to talk to her as soon as he had a moment. _Man, you’re such an asshole, Sandburg; don’t even know what’s going on with one of your best friends. In addition, your other best friend, you’re trying to dump. What is wrong with you?_

Sandburg sat back down and asked, “Captain, if you had a problem with deciding something, how would you finally make a decision?”

“Well, Sandburg, it depends on what it’s about. Something with work, I have to really think on that, because it ultimately does affect all of us, whether we want it to or not. Now something personal, I guess it just depends. Could you help me with a hint?”

“Sir, I can’t tell you what’s wrong. I wish I could. There’s no one to talk to about it.”

“Sandburg, you know darn well that Jim would listen to anything you said, why not talk to him? Is it about him? Something with the Sentinel stuff?”

“Nothing to do with Sentinel’s that I know of. Well, maybe. I don’t know. Sir, have you ever been in love?”

Simon coughed when Blair changed gears that quickly and asked him that. Finally getting control of his poor lungs, he said, “Yes, I’ve been in love, Sandburg. I loved my wife at one time very much. Why?”

“Because sir, I don’t think I know what love is. I don’t know if I can love anyone.”

“Well, I can see that you love all of us as friends, does this help?” Simon asked, trying to help Blair open up some more. 

“Yes, I do love all of you. You’re the best friends a guy could ever ask for. But I hurt Jim and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“So stop hurting him. Simple to me.”

“It’s not that simple, Simon.” Blair started giggling and said, "Get it, Simple Simon?" 

“Okay, Sandburg, I think you’re a little more upset than you appear to be. You’re making jokes about a nursery rhyme. Now you want to tell me what Jim did to piss you off?”

“He didn’t do anything, Sir. Can I tell you something and have it not go out of this room?”

“You know you can, Sandburg,” Simon said with all seriousness. 

“Jim's in love with me. Okay, at first I thought it was pretty cool, but now, I’ve been having feelings for other people and I don’t know what to do.”

“Wait a minute, back up a ways and take one thing at a time. Since when has Jim been in love with you? And have you acted upon it yet?”

“Yeah, Simon, we have. Please don’t be angry with Jim. Promise me you won’t think less of us for this,” Blair begged. 

“Sandburg, I can’t believe you would think that of me. First, I could care less if you acted on it. What I do care about is the fact that you acted and don’t seem to know if you had feelings for Jim or not. Why is that?”

“Why is what?” Blair asked. 

“Why would you sleep with Jim if you didn’t love him, too? You know how much you mean to him, right?” Simon asked. 

“Of course, I know how much I mean to him. I didn’t really think about it. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. God, I was so wrong. Now Jim's heartbroken and I want to date someone else.”

Blair looked over at Simon and waited for Simon’s lecture. “Sandburg, the reason I tell men and women to not get involved with people they work with is because of this very thing. Now, Jim has to remember that you don’t love him every single day. That has to be hard on him. Hell, it’s got to be hard on you too.”

“Simon, I don’t know if I love him or not. I just asked him for some space and he told me I have to move into my old room. Just like that, he’s tossing me out of our bed.”

“Well, Sandburg, Jim never struck me as the type to share with others,” Simon said trying not to smile at the very thought. 

“I know that, Simon, but I don’t want us to have to change our life until we have to. Do you understand where I’m coming from?” Blair asked pleadingly. 

“Well, sure, Sandburg, I get it. I also see that Ellison's doing his version of, ‘let’s pull away now, so it will hurt less later’ routine. I think you might have to do some more talking with him.”

“Simon, do you think I could stay at your place for a few days till I get my head on straight?” Blair asked. 

“Sandburg, are you asking me if you can stay at my house, so you can date while you try and make up your mind?” Simon asked getting angry. 

“No, Sir. I would never do that. I just need to think. I can’t do that with Jim there looking at me all the time.”

“Fine, but be sure and tell him where you are so he doesn’t call in the middle of the night saying something happened to you. Do you understand?”

“Thanks, Simon. I’ll leave him a note when I get home. I’m going to go and pack.” As Blair started for the door, Simon said, “Sandburg, did you forget that your partner is home for the next three days?”

“Oh fuck,” Blair said as he walked back to the chair and sat down. “Simon, I really need to think and I can’t do it there.”

“Fine, I’ll go over and pick up your things, just tell me what you need, all right? Make up a list and I don’t want to have to carry more than I weigh, Sandburg.”

“Thank you, Sir. I’ll go and write the list right now,” Blair said as he rushed to his desk and started writing his list of things he needed for the next week. Blair decided that he’d write Jim a note too. That way it wouldn’t be on Simon’s shoulders to tell Jim what was going on. He made up his list quickly then he started on his note to Jim. It took him awhile, but once finished he figured that Jim would understand some things from reading it. Looking down at the paper, he read it one more time to be sure it sounded all right. 

_Jim,_

_I don’t know how to tell you this in person, so a note will have to do for now. You will always be my best friend, but for right now. I have to make some decisions about how I feel about sleeping with you. I don’t know if I really know how it feels to be in love. On the other hand, maybe I’m just not in it. Maybe I just love the sentinel. I’m wondering all of these things lately. Simon said I could stay at his place for a while and when I get my head on straight, I’ll be back home to discuss things with you. Please don’t think it was anything you did. It wasn’t. Jim, you’re my best friend and I’m hoping that we can still be good partners at work. I would be very hurt if, because of this, we couldn’t be friends or partners at work. Take care of yourself while I’m gone and I’ll see you in a few days, a week at the most._

_Blair_

Getting up from his desk he knocked on Simon’s door and walked in. “Here you go, Simon. A list of things I’ll need for the next few days. And could you give this to Jim for me?” Blair asked handing the note and list to Simon. 

“You want me to pass a note to Ellison? What does it say because I might have to pick up the pieces? I’m ‘so’ not in the mood for that, Sandburg,” Simon said almost growling at him. 

“Sir, I didn’t lick the envelope you can read it. There’s nothing that personal in it. If you’re not comfortable with it, tell me,” Blair said as he started for the door. 

Simon glancing at the slumped shoulders said, “Sandburg, you’re sure you want to do this?”

“Simon, I have to. I have to be sure how I feel about a number of things,” Blair said leaving and shutting the door. 

Simon sat down and read the note and thought that it wasn’t as bad as a Dear Jim letter, so this wouldn’t be that bad. _Yeah, right Banks, you just keep telling yourself that and see where it gets you._

Simon stopped by Blair’s desk on his way out and handed him a key to his house. “Stop and make a copy, that’s the only one I have,” Simon said as he walked out of the bullpen. 

Jim was watching television. Hell, he wasn’t really watching, he was channel surfing. As he didn’t think he could get any more bored, he heard his Captain’s voice in the hallway talking to his neighbor. Then he smelled his cigar, not of it burning, but the scent on his suit. 

Jim opened the door before Simon even had a chance to knock. “Is something wrong, Simon?” 

Simon saw the panic in Jim’s eyes right away. “No, Jim. Nothing’s wrong. I came by to do Sandburg a favor and I told him I’d drop this off,” Simon said as he handed the note to Jim and then taking the list, Simon asked, “Where would I find all of these things?”

Simon watched the strong man he knew and admired the whole time he’d known him crumble before him. Simon saw the lip trembling and said, “Jim, sit down and read the note. It's not that bad.”

Jim sat on the sofa while Simon looked around for the things on the list. Simon was busy in Blair’s old room packing up a bag when he came out and found no Jim in the living room. He glanced upstairs and saw Jim lying on his bed. Simon walked up the stairs and knocked on the wall as he got to the head of the stairs. “Jim, it’ll be all right. He’s just confused right now.”

“I know, Sir. I’m fine. I just need some time alone. He’s not the only one confused,” Jim said as he rolled on his side facing away from Simon. 

Simon couldn’t stand leaving his friend like this, so he finally asked, “Jim, do you want someone to stay with you tonight?”

“Simon, I’m not a child. I don’t need a babysitter. Thanks anyhow.” 

Simon moved over to the bed and said, “Get your clothes off and I’ll tuck you in before I leave. You look whipped.”

“Simon, I just want to be left alone, please?” Jim asked quietly and finally Simon said, “Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jim alone but didn’t see as he had much choice. Walking down the stairs he prayed that Sandburg knew what he was doing because Simon sure didn’t feel like he did. 

Driving across town, Simon picked up his cell and called Jim, when the answering machine picked up, Simon said, “Jim, if you need me for any reason, I’ll have my cell next to me all night long. Call if you need your friend.” Then the next person he called was Connor. She answered, “Connor.”

“Hi, Connor. This is Captain Banks. I was wondering if you’d do me a huge favor?”

“Yes, Sir, you know I’ll do anything for you. What’s up?”

“Well, Sandburg's staying at my place for a short while until he makes his mind up about some things and Jim was really upset when I left the loft. Could you run by and make up some excuse about you being upset and didn’t want to be alone. Maybe he’d let you stay the night so you could keep an eye on him?”

“Simon, I’m not a babysitter and he’ll know damn well you sent me. He’s not stupid, after all.”

“But what if he really needs a friend but felt like I was a traitor or something?” Simon asked. 

“Fine, Sir. I’ll get dressed again and head out to go and see if he needs a friend. What is with Sandy?” Connor asked. 

“Connor, you can’t blame him for rethinking the whole gay thing. I, for one, think he’s making a good choice to think on it before moving into something he’s not ready for. You’re one of those people that want a happy ending and life isn’t like that.”

“I’m on my way, Sir. Don’t worry about Jim. I’ll take care of him,” Connor said, getting more pissed off by the moment. Simon was beginning to make her so angry she could hardly see.

She put her clothes back on and started out to go to Ellison’s loft. She hoped that Jim wouldn’t want to kick her ass for barging in. Shit, what she’d give to have Mel holding her in her arms right now. However, Mel had been putting Megan off for the last week or so. _Jim might not be alone in this dumped business._

Megan Connor parked in Jim’s parking lot, got out of her car and locked it. Heading up to the building she kept thinking, _He’s going to be pissed off Connor; he’s going to be very pissed off. Why not mind your own business and just go visit someone you really want to see tonight._

Instead, she trudged into the building, got on the elevator and punched the button for the third floor. Once she got off, she was again beginning to wonder if she was doing the right thing or not. _Jim will not appreciate this. Jim will not be a happy camper. Jim will be so glad to have a friend by his side._ Okay, she’d stay. 

She got to the apartment and knocked softly. She knew she didn’t need to pound on the door. Jim would hear her. She heard a voice she really didn’t recognize through the door, “What do you want, Connor?”

“Jim, what’s wrong? You sound terrible. I was hoping I could talk to you about something important. I’m not just here because I want to hear what happened with you and Blair. I need a shoulder for me.”

She could hear the locks being undone and Jim opened the door and said, “You ramble when you’re nervous. Now what’s wrong?” Jim swung the door open and she got her first look at a heartbroken Jim. She wasn’t sure it was a good idea to come and visit him now because she was afraid that’s how she looked too. 

Connor walked into his apartment and said, “Can we sit and talk for a bit?”

“You know where the chair’s are. So sit,” Jim said and Megan could tell that he was angry. Not at her, but at someone. 

“Jim, if I tell you something, can it be just between you and me?”

“Of course. I’ve been told that I repress. I’ll just repress it for you, Connor,” Jim said sarcastically.

“Very funny, Jim. I really need to know if I can trust you. I need someone to talk to. It’s important to me,” Megan said looking down at her hands and Jim could see them trembling. 

“Sorry, Connor, so what’s going on?” Jim sat down and forgot all about the fact that he only had on boxers and sat next to Megan. 

“Did you want to get dressed first?” Megan asked. 

“Oh sorry, Connor, I’ll be right down. Sometimes I forgot you’re not one of the guys,” Jim said as he ran up the stairs to get changed. 

As he was dressing, he wondered what was going on with Connor. He hadn’t heard anything about her lately. He had heard that she had a thing for someone in vice, but that was about it. Jim hadn’t even heard who it was. Once he got his pants and shirt on, he started down the stairs. Megan still sat with her head hanging down and her hands trembling. 

“Okay, Connor, what’s up?” Jim said as nicely as he could under the circumstances. 

“First, Simon asked me to come over and check on you. He was worried about you and thought I’d be the best person to check, I guess. I don’t know. And all the way over here, I didn’t want to, but once I got here I realized I don’t have many friends and have no one to talk to about this problem I might have.”

“All right, Connor. Slow down. I don’t care if you come by any time. You’re welcome here anytime. Is that understood?” Jim asked and she nodded her head yes. “Now, what's the problem you’re talking about? Is it that guy from Vice?”

Connor looked at him and had big tears in her eyes and she said, “You haven’t heard, huh?”

“I guess not, so tell me what’s going on,” Jim said and this time he really meant it. He moved in closer, put his arm around her shoulders, pulled her in for a hug and said, “Megan, you know you can tell me anything.”

“The Vice officer is a woman. How's that for a shock, Ellison?” Connor asked with a tone of sadness in her voice that Jim didn’t like to hear. 

“And the problem is?” Jim asked. 

“Jim, we’ve been seeing each other for about four weeks and two days ago she started putting me off. God, I’m so stupid, I really thought that she was the one. You’re going to laugh but I wanted to settle down and have a baby with her.”

“That might be tough Megan with both of you being women and all,” Jim said trying to make her smile a little as he pulled her in closer for a hug.

“Shit, I had intended on asking you if you wanted to be the dad. God, I feel so stupid. I fucking love her so much.” This time Connor went into Jim’s arms willingly. Jim just rocked her back and forth trying to calm her down. He didn’t know what to say. He was suffering the same fate, so hadn’t a clue. 

“What’s her name?” Jim asked. 

“Mel. Mel Murdock,” Connor said. “Do you know her?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. Want me to call her and ask her out and see what she says?” Looking at the fallen face of his friend he said, “Kidding, just kidding. I’d never do that. Besides, she’s never been into guys.”

“When you knew her, did she see a lot of different women? I never even thought about it. I just figured we were exclusive. And wham, I think it might be over.”

“Connor, I don’t know her well enough to talk about her sex life. I do know you and me well enough to know that we both seem to be in the same predicament. It’s just like with me and Blair.”

“I know and I was sitting there being so uppity giving you advice, telling you what to do while my life was falling apart.” Connor put her head back on his shoulder and started crying softly. 

Jim looked at his watch and said, “Come on, you can sleep with me. I mean, sleep and nothing else.” Jim said as he got up and pulled Connor up with him. 

Once they got upstairs, Jim pulled a long over sized tee shirt out of his drawer and said, “Here, you can wear this. Here’s a new toothbrush I keep for company and anything else you need is in the bathroom.”

“Thank you, Jim. You have no idea how much I didn’t want to go home.”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to be alone tonight either. Thanks, Connor.” Connor smiled as she went down to get ready for bed. After awhile she walked back up and Jim had his robe on and went down for his turn in the bathroom. Once he got back upstairs, he slipped the robe off, slid into bed, reached over, and shut the light off. “Night, Connor,” Jim said smiling at the thought of this whole scenario. “Night, Jim. See you in the morning.” 

It wasn’t long before Jim felt her move closer to him. He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled up to him and said, “I just need to be held.”

“I know, Megan, I know,” Jim said understanding totally. 

They both fell asleep quickly and before long the sun was shining in through the windows and the skylight and Jim could feel Megan’s body up against his. He quickly moved away before his hard on scared the shit out of her. “It’s okay, Jim. I’ve been awake for awhile.”

She rolled over, went into his arms and said, “I don’t want to be alone. I need you to hold me.”

“No, Connor. This can’t happen. We’re both hurt. We’re both lonely. We can’t fuck each other because of this. We wouldn’t be able to look at each other after that. No matter what, we will remain faithful. We’ll be here for the other one for as long as we need to be. Deal?” Jim asked. 

He could feel the tremors in Connor’s body and knew she was crying. “Please, don’t cry, Megan. Please. I don’t want to cry and I’ve been on the verge all day and night yesterday. I’d like to make it through today without the need to do it either.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t believe I just tried to hit on my best mate.” Megan said starting to get out of bed. 

“Megan, come here.” He pulled her back down and into his arms. “Things will get better for both of us. I was going to take off a few days but you know what? I think I can do this. Especially if I have someone around me that totally understands. So, let's get ready and go to work.” 

“Thank you, Jim. You’re the best,” Megan said hugging him and then running for the stairs saying, “I get that first hot shower.” Laughing all the way down the stairs, Jim wondered when he’d lost control of this situation. He seemed to do that a lot. He, at least, was smiling. 

They both got into their vehicles and drove to the station. Jim felt better after getting a little bit of sleep. Things might work out. He’d just have to be patient with Blair. He’d worry about it when the time came. 

Blair was driving into the station with Simon because his car wouldn’t start. _Typical, when will my days get better?_

Simon looked over at Blair and said, “I sent Connor over to hang out with Jim since he was so upset. I knew you wouldn’t want anything to happen. I didn’t get any calls so I guess he was all right with her being there.”

Blair looked over at him and said, “Why would you send Megan? Why didn’t you send Rafe or Brown? Even Joel? They’ve known Jim longer.”

“Because Connor knew what was going on and I didn’t want to have to explain it all to those other guys. I, for one, think you’re doing the right thing, Sandburg,” Simon said looking over at Blair and smiling. 

“Well, I’m glad one of us is sure because I’m not. What am I doing? I really feel royally fucked,” Blair said flatly. 

“Things will get better, Sandburg. Don’t worry so much.” 

As the two men walked into the bullpen what they saw was a surprise. Jim and Connor sat talking with Brown and Rafe. They were all laughing. _Oh yeah, he looks fucking upset._

They all moved to their desks when their leader got there. Jim smiled over at Blair and Blair found himself smiling back...not even sure why. Jim walked over, handed a folder to Blair and said, “Morning, Chief. We need to go and talk to this suspect as soon as you’re ready. Just let me know.”

Blair and Simon just stood there with their mouths hanging open at the change in Jim. 

Megan’s phone rang and she answered it, “Connor.”

“Hi, Megan. What are you doing?” Mel Murdock asked. 

“I’m busy right now, Mel. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Sure, I’ll call you at home tonight.”

“Well, I might not be home tonight but I’ll try and find time to give you a call when I get a chance,” Megan said. 

Blair heard her and came to a conclusion. He figured out that Jim and Megan must have fucking slept together. _Oh Christ, I don’t believe this. He slept with Megan. That's low even for Jim._

Jim came by and said, “Hey, Chief, ready to go yet?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Blair followed Jim to the elevator and they went down in silence. Once inside the truck, he put his seatbelt on, turned to Jim and said, “All right, what happened to you and what have you done with my partner?” When Blair smiled at Jim, the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Jim noticed this and wondered what was wrong. 

“Did you look at the file yet, partner? We need to find out who's doing that string of robberies and I think it all started with that first one. That’s why we’re going to start over again.”

Blair looked at Jim as they were going down the street and said, “You fucked Megan, didn’t you?”

“Chief, what the fuck are you talking about? You know I would never hurt Megan.”

“Okay, then why the happy, happy, joy, joy look this morning?”

“You think I had to fuck Megan to have a good night's sleep. Well, fuck you, Sandburg,” Jim said as he hit the steering wheel hard with his palm. Cussing to himself when it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, he turned to Blair and said, “I can’t believe you think that little of me to think I’d do that with our friend.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Jim. I was carried away. I must admit it seemed odd that she seemed so rested, you seemed so rested and she was putting off her friend in vice,” Blair said quietly. 

“Do you know her friend in vice, Sandburg?”

“No, do you?” Blair answered. 

“Yeah, I do. I’ve known her for years. She’s really quite nice. I think that Megan's over-reacting to this whole thing. I can’t imagine Mel blowing her off for anyone.”

“She? She? What the fuck are you talking about she?” Blair asked trying not to stutter. 

“I didn’t know she was into women either, Chief. She is and Mel is nice. I hope they work things out. I really do,” Jim said tying to just stay away from their life so he wouldn’t have to talk about it. 

“Did you sleep all right last night, Jim?” Blair asked looking over at his partner. 

“Chief, what difference does it make? It still doesn’t change anything. So let's not even go there,” Jim said angrily. 

“You’re the one that said we needed to talk things out. Now you say you don’t want to. Well, make up your mind, Ellison,” Blair said just as angrily. 

“Not while we’re working, Blair. All right? I can’t do this while we’re at work,” Jim explained. 

“Well, tough. We won’t see each other again before I have to tell you something. I’m telling you now. I’ve decided to go out with Kellen again and see what happens. Then I might have a better clue as to what is going on in my body, my heart and my head.”

Jim just looked over at him with his mouth hanging open. Jim pulled to the side of the street and put his head down on the steering wheel. Blair saw his shoulders shaking and knew that Jim was trying to compose himself. “I’m sorry for telling you now, Jim. I felt like I should tell you before someone else did. I don’t have much of a chance to tell you personal things anymore.”

Jim looked over at Blair and said, “Oh and whose fault is that, you asshole. I can’t believe that you told me this at work.” Jim tried to compose himself and brought his wall back up and drove off as if nothing had happened. 

“Jim.” Blair started, and Jim said, “Shut up. I don’t want to hear a fucking word from you unless it has to do with the case. Do you understand? God, I hate you right now.”

As they pulled up to the store that had been robbed first, they got out and Jim went in to question the man again and had some different questions this time. 

“Sir, you had said that your son was working that night, and your son seems like a good kid, but what if someone forced him into it?” Jim asked. 

“Officer, why would my son lie to you? Would he lie to me? Can you answer me that?” The old man asked. 

“No, Sir, I sure can’t. I really don’t know what to think. The other robberies are nothing like this one. This is totally different and I think I need to talk to your son more,” Jim said dreading the father's look. The father surprised him and said, “I’ll bring him down now. Could you watch the store for me?”

“Sure, Sir. I’ll keep an eye on things. Don’t worry,” Jim answered. 

Blair walked up to him and said, “Jim, you really think the son had something to do with it?”

“Well, it would make sense. There might be a good reason. Who knows?” As Jim said this, a shot rang out and both Blair and Jim sprung into action. Blair locked the front door to keep all out and they watched each other’s backs going up the stairs. Then they heard another shot. Jim listened and said, “Fuck. No heartbeats in the house.” He started running up the stairs and there lay the son and his father both dead with gunshots to the head. 

Jim called it in and requested the EMT’s and ambulance. Jim started doing CPR on the old man, and Blair started on the son. They both kept it up for quite some time. When the EMT’s got there, they took over for the exhausted and breathless cops. It seemed like it took a long time for them to get there. Jim stared at the son and noticed the track marks on his arms from the drugs. Jim hadn’t noticed it before. Had he been looking? Jesus, was this partly his fault? Jim got up, walked downstairs, filled out the proper paperwork and then went out to the truck. 

Blair watched Jim and knew that somehow Jim would find some way of blaming himself for this whole thing. He constantly did. Blair could see the darkness glooming over Jim as always. 

Getting into the truck after he finished his paperwork, he said, “Jim, could we go and talk at the loft, please?”

Jim started the truck. He didn’t answer him but headed in the direction of the loft. Blair had a feeling maybe he could stop this guilt trip before it started. 

Once there, they both got out and made their way up the stairs, seeing that the elevator was out again. Jim opened the door, hung his jacket up and sat down on the sofa when Blair joined him. 

“Jim, I think that we need to talk about this old man. It isn’t your fault. I know you’re already thinking up reasons to blame yourself but it’s not going to work. You knew that something was up with the son. You went to the father and asked to speak to him. There was nothing more to do. Right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m all right. The old man worked so damn hard and then to have his son shit on him like that. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then had to kill him. What’s wrong with this picture?” Jim asked sadly. 

Blair pulled Jim into his arms and just held him. Jim felt safe there. God, how he loved Blair and knew he’d be lost without him. Blair pushed Jim down on the sofa and lay on top of Jim and started kissing him with such urgency Jim had a hard time controlling his emotions. 

“Blair, what the fuck are you doing? You said you want to date that Kellen and now you’re laying on top of me. Explain to me what this is?” Jim asked trying to stop Blair. 

“I’m trying to make you feel better, Jim. I need this. You need this. We both need this. So, shut up and kiss me back.

Jim started kissing him back with just as much urgency but stopped it right before he was about to come. “Blair, I can’t do this. You can’t keep doing this to me.” 

He pushed Blair off and went into the bathroom. Blair could hear him jerking off in there. For some reason this pissed Blair off. Blair walked out of the loft and waited down in the truck. 

When Jim got down to the truck, neither man said a word to each other. Somehow, Blair knew that their lives had changed and it wasn’t in a good way. Blair leaned against the window and had a tear fall down his face. At the stoplight, Jim dried the tear off his face and said, “Don’t worry, Chief. You’ll always be my partner. It’s just going to take me time to get over you. Be patient.”

Then Blair started crying. “You’re giving up already? You’re not even going to wait and see how I feel in another week or two.”

“No, I’m not, Blair. I figure if you loved me you would love me already. You wouldn’t have to see if you loved me by dating someone else,” Jim said quietly. “We’ll always be best friends, Blair. Always. We’ll also still be partners.”

Blair pulled himself together as they got closer to the station. He knew he had some things to take care of. 

As they were walking up to the elevator, Mel Murdock walked up to Jim and punched him in the face. She whispered in his ear, while he was lying on the ground, “You asshole. I can’t believe you fucked her.”

“Mel, wait a minute. What the fuck are you talking about?” Jim said holding her arms now. She punched hard, girl or not. “Mel, I swear to you, I didn’t fuck Megan.”

“You swear?” Mel said still fighting Jim. “Yes, I swear, Mel,” Jim said softly. “Now do you want to tell me what the hell's going on?”

Mel crawled into his arms and said, “God, I’m so sorry. She said she slept at your house last night, in your bed, I just figured she meant the other kind of sleep.”

Jim pulled her away from him and said, “You could stop this right now by telling her exactly how you feel, you know? What's the problem, anyway?”

“I don’t know, Jim. She’s so serious. You know me. I’m not into commitment. She wants kids, for Christ’s sake,” Mel said trying to keep her voice from getting hysterical. 

“Well, decide what you want, Mel. Do you want Megan and a family, or do you want to play the field? It’s ultimately up to you.” 

“I’ll think on it today and call her tonight. She said she’s staying at your place. Why’s she staying at your place, Jim?” Mel asked with a look of pure confusion on her face. 

“Because she was lonely and confused and so was I. We held each other last night in bed. I’ll have you know she was a lady and I was a gentleman. We both happen to be in love with someone else.” Jim said smiling at Mel. 

“I’m really sorry, Jim. I think I might have pissed your partner off.” Mel said evilly. 

“Why would you piss him off, Mel?” Jim asked. 

“As soon as I punched you and said you slept with her, he was up those stairs and out of here. Is he the one, Jim?” Mel asked with a crooked smile on her face. 

“Well, he’s the one for me but he can’t make up his mind about me. Therefore, I’m going to let him go. I can’t do the let's date other people thing anymore. I’ll just start over again. It’s not fair to Blair. He should have a choice. I don’t want to push him either,” Jim said helping Mel up from the floor. 

“Jim, I’m so sorry. I hope that Sandburg comes around. He’d be a fool to let you slip through his fingers.” 

“Do you think you could call and tell him that, Mel?” Jim asked laughing. 

“Hell, that’s a damn good idea. I should tell him what a great person you are.” Mel said.

“Nah, that’s all right. He’ll either come around or he won’t. It’s just one of those things. I have to wait a short time but I’m not waiting for long. I love him too much to see him with other people.”

“I guess we should both get back to work, huh?” Mel asked smiling. 

They got onto the elevator and rode up together. Jim got off one floor ahead of Mel. He turned, hugged her and walked into the bullpen. There was loud clapping as he walked to his desk. Henry smacked his back again and said, “I hear you just got punched out by a dyke. Way to go, Ellison.” Everyone started laughing. 

“Henry, I prefer to say, I was punched out by a really pissed off woman, not a dyke. Don’t call her that again, please,” Jim said as he sat down at his desk. 

Jim looked around and didn’t see Blair anywhere. He didn’t see Megan either. Oh… oh… Jim knew there was going to be trouble. He started weeding out all of the sounds and heard Megan and Blair in the interrogation room. 

“Megan, I can’t believe you slept with Jim.” Blair said. 

“Why do you care, Sandburg? You’re the one that said you wanted to try some women. So go. Try them,” Megan said getting very angry. 

Jim smiled when he realized that Megan was sticking up for him.

“Fine, I will. But did you have to sleep with Jim? He lied to me, the asshole,” Blair said angrily. 

“Well, if you must know, you idiot, he turned me down. Said he had to be faithful. Go figure,” Megan said laughing as she walked out of the room. 

Jim was sitting at his desk when Megan walked over and said, “I hear you got a punch in the face for your trouble last night.”

“Yeah, but thankfully I really like Mel and we made up,” Jim said laughing. 

“Anyone else mentioned?” Megan asked innocently. 

“As a matter of fact, she wondered about you. Why I wonder? She wants you to call her tonight from the loft. She knows she fucked up, Connor. Give her another chance, okay?”

“Hell, anyone that would take on Jim Ellison for me I’d have to give another chance,” Megan said laughing as she walked over to her desk and sat down to work. 

Blair sat down at his desk next to Jim’s and was moving around like he had something on his mind. Jim finally reached over and said, “Chief, if you have something to say, say it, otherwise, settle down. You’re driving me nuts.”

“Could we go somewhere and talk, Jim?” Blair asked still not lifting his head up from his paperwork. 

“No, Chief. We’re going to finish our work because that’s what we do here. We work. If you want to stop by and talk to me tonight, you can join Connor and I for dinner.”

“Fine,” Blair said shortly. He hated the way Jim was taking all this in stride so easily. 

“Ellison?” Simon yelled, “Could you come into my office, please?”

Jim got up, walked into Simon’s office and said, “Can I help you, Sir?”

“What’s this I hear about you and Officer Murdock down in the parking garage?” Simon asked. 

“It was all a big misunderstanding, Sir. We worked it out. She and I shook hands and everything.”

“That’s not answering my question, Ellison. What happened that she punched you out in front of other people?” 

“Sir, it was private and I really don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.” Jim said calmly. 

“Too late. Everyone's talking about it. Did you know she was a lesbian?”

“Yes, Sir.” Jim answered shortly. 

“So why would she be punching you out?” Simon asked. “You made a move on her woman, eh?” Simon added suddenly smiling like wild. 

“No, Sir, I didn’t make a move on her woman,” Jim answered and wasn’t a bit amused by this. 

Jim walked over to the window, looked out and tried to think of other things because he suddenly realized that Simon didn’t like the path that Jim had chosen to travel on. This depressed Jim. Simon had always been his best friend. He now knew that Simon was his friend as long as he did what Simon thought was right. _Cut it out, Ellison. He didn’t even say anything yet. Ask him some questions. Find out how he feels about you being gay._

“Simon, how do you feel about gay cops?” Jim asked. 

“I think that a man that's gay shouldn’t be a cop. It’s too hard on the department, his partner and his boss. Gay men or women don’t think about all this when they ‘come out’,” Simon said quickly. “Jim, I don’t have anything against gay men or women. I just think this isn’t the job for them.”

“So you think I should quit?” Jim asked incredulously. 

“Jim, you’re not gay. You’re a sentinel and your guide means everything to you. I think you and Sandburg might be mighty confused but you’re not gay,” Simon said adamantly. 

“Simon, Blair fucked me up my ass three nights ago and I was howling his name as I came. That makes me as gay as the next gay man,” Jim said. 

“Jesus, Jim, that's way more than I wanted to hear,” Simon said with a look of pure disgust on his face. 

“What I’m saying is, Blair loves fucking me. However, for some reason, he’s confused now. I wonder if it’s something he’s around while he’s here at work. It sure as hell doesn’t bother him when he’s at the loft. He loves fucking me, Simon. Does it shock you that I bottom sometimes?” Jim asked trying to shock his boss. 

“Oh my god, I don’t want to hear anymore of this. That was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. I want you to go for some counseling,” Simon demanded. 

“Simon, you can’t make me go to therapy. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fine. Up until three days ago, I was a man in love with another man and happy as hell,” Jim said as he headed for the door. 

“What about your partner, Jim? Do you fucking care about what happens to him?” Simon called out before Jim could escape. 

Jim stepped back into the office and shut the door. “Simon, you have no idea how badly you’re hurting me right now. I’ll tell you about it. You’ve broken my heart. I love Blair with everything I am. He’s my life. For some reason he’s considering dating women again. Well, I’m letting him go. I told him today that we were done. You don’t have to worry about it. Consider this my one month notice, Sir,” Jim said as he stormed out the door. 

Simon walked up to the doorway and said, “Ellison, get back in here I want to talk to you.”

Jim walked back in and said, “What? You want to kick me while I’m down, Simon? Want me to lie on the floor so I’m closer to your shoes?” Jim asked sarcastically. 

“Jim, sit down and I want us to talk. Not just you talking but you listening, too.” Simon said. 

“Fine, Sir. I’m listening.” Jim said and stood waiting. 

“Sit down, Jim.” Simon ordered. Jim sat down in the chair but never let his eyes leave Simon’s face. 

“Now, Ellison, you’re going to listen to me. I’ve been around prejudice a lot longer than you have. Look at my skin, Jim. Do you suppose it’s always been easy for me?”

“No, Sir. I never thought it was easy for you but you stuck with it and made it work and we all were behind you, Sir,” Jim added. 

“Be that as it may, Ellison, it was fucking hard. Do you think I’m a bad man because I want less pain and trouble for one or two of my men?” Simon asked. 

“It would depend on what you mean, Sir.”

“You know what I mean. Jim, when word gets out that you’re gay you’ll not get the proper backup. You might be killed while on a silly, stupid stakeout and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Yes, there is, Sir.”

“And what would that be, Jim?”

“You could have classes here at the station on how to treat people of different social classes, races, creeds and sexual orientation. You could do many things. Telling me the things you did earlier isn’t what I anticipated from my friend. I never expected that.”

“Jim, I can’t help it. You’ve gone from being with women to wanting to be with men? What did you expect me to feel?” Simon asked. 

“It was inevitable for you to wonder about it. It was foreseeable for you to ask me about it but I never expected you to tell me I didn’t belong.”

“Jim, you could be killed while out there and it would be my fault,” Simon said. 

“Simon, you and I both know that you don’t care if I was killed because of that. You care that it might come out in the papers. It all comes down to the fact that you’ve always thought of the station first. What's the commissioner going to think? You’ve always worried about the wrong shit, Simon. You could have been more worried about how you were going to talk Daryl into a life of college instead of police work. You could have just worried about your marriage. There are a lot of things to worry about but instead you’re worried about me being gay.”

“You can think what you want, Jim. You know that I worry about you. I always have. You’re my friend,” Simon said sadly knowing that wasn’t going to be the case from this day on. 

“You were my friend. Things can’t be changed. I know that you were proud of Blair for rethinking his gay role. That hurt me more than anything, Simon.”

Simon could hear the tears in Jim’s voice and said, “Jim, I’m sorry that it has to end this way. I have to think about the department first. That’s why I’m the captain. I can’t change things just because of this sentinel stuff.”

“Before I leave I have to tell you something, Simon. I’ve been gay since I was 17. I’ve loved being with men for years so it’s not a sentinel thing. I’m fucking gay. You can’t blame it on anyone or anything. Just gay. It’s as simple as that. I tried to be with women to make everyone around me happy. It doesn’t work.”

Jim got up, walked to the door and said, “I’ll stay for the month and then I’ll be leaving the city. I don’t even want to live in a city that thinks this way.” Having said this, Jim walked out of Simon’s office. 

Blair watched Jim walk out and go to the stairwell. He caught up with him and said, “Jim, where are we going?”

“We aren’t going anywhere, Chief. You’re going to be assigned a new partner so you can get used to him or her and I’m out of here in a month.” Jim said as he walked down the stairs. 

“Wait a minute. What’s going on? What happened in there, Jim?”

“Nothing that hasn’t been happening for years, Chief. Don’t sweat it. I’m not taking you down with me. You’re a free bird. Like you wanted to be.”

“Jim, wait a minute.” Blair tried to talk to him but Jim shoved him and said, “Get away from me. I want to be alone. I have the right to be alone from time to time.”

“Fine, get the fuck out of here then,” Blair said getting very pissed off as he walked back up the stairs upset and worried about his partner. 

Blair walked in and knocked on Simon’s door. Simon said, “What do you want, Sandburg?” 

Blair walked in, shut the door and said, “What did you say to Jim to make him quit?”

“I told him how I feel about gay officers. He didn’t like my answer and he quit.” Simon said simply. 

“Well, Sir. I should probably hear this since I’m the other half of the gay officer part,” Blair said pissed off. 

“Blair, at least you know it’s not the right road to travel. You’re having second thoughts for good reason. I applaud you for that. It takes a big man to admit that he isn’t gay after all and was just confused.”

“Simon, you told Jim all of this?” Blair asked with a look of horror on his face. 

“Well, of course I did. It’s not different than what you did to him. What difference does it make? You hurt him in one way. I hurt him in another. Either way, he’s hurt. It still comes out that he has to choose what his life will be like,” Simon said. 

“I think I might have made a big mistake, Simon. I think you did, too. What if we’re both wrong. What if I should be with Jim? What if I’m meant for him? What if he was meant to be your best friend for the rest of your life? What if he’s not there to save one of our lives years from now and we die because of how we hurt him right now?”

“Well, that’s all well and good, Sandburg, but I truly believe that I’ve made the right decision.” Simon said. 

“I’m giving my notice, too, Simon.” Blair said as he stood up to take his leave. 

“Why? You’re a good cop, Sandburg. You’ve got potential. Why would you leave now?” Simon asked. 

“Because the only reason I’m here is because I wanted to be with Jim. I didn’t want anything else. Now he’ll be gone. I can’t be here without him,” Blair said. 

“So you’re giving your notice, too?” Simon asked still in a state of shock. 

“Yes, you’ve got my month. I might even file a complaint. It seems that something like this should not go unnoticed,” Blair said angrily as he rushed out of the office. 

Connor caught up to him and said, “What’s going on? Jim looked like he was going to spit nails when he left here.” 

“He gave his one month notice. He’ll be gone after that. I gave my notice, too. I don’t like why he felt he had to leave,” Blair said sadly. 

Brown and Rafe said, “Hey, Hairboy, come on. We’re all going to have a beer, you can fill us in on what’s going on with Ellison.”

“Good idea, Henry,” Megan said as she drug Blair out of the bullpen with the others. 

When they all got to the bar, Joel, Henry, Rafe and Connor all sat there waiting for Blair to say something. Instead, Blair picked up his cell and dialed the loft. “Ellison.” Jim answered.

“Hey, we’re having a bullpen meeting at Sullivan’s bar, want to meet us here? Everyone wants to know what’s going on. Do you want to tell it your way, or do you want me to tell it mine?”

“Chief, I’m really tired. I’m just going to lie down and rest awhile and I’ll talk to you later. Don’t drink and drive. Okay?”

“Okay, you had your chance. Bye,” Blair said as he shut the cell. “I thought I would give Jim a chance to tell you all what’s up but he doesn’t want to. He’s having a small nervous breakdown right now and feeling a little sorry for himself. Not that I blame him at all.”

“What’s going on, Blair?” Joel asked. 

“Well, Jim gave his one month notice because he found out what Simon thought of gay officers today and he said he couldn’t work here anymore,” Blair said softly so that not everyone in the bar would hear. 

“Why the hell does Jim care about that?” Rafe said. 

“Because Jim’s gay, Rafe. He found out that his friend wouldn’t stand behind him today and it broke his heart.”

“No way! Jim’s not gay,” Brown said in shock. 

“Yes, Jim is. So am I. I was thinking about going back to being with women because Jim didn’t want to come out at the precinct but now I know exactly why he felt that way,” Blair said. 

“No way, you’re both gay? Since when?” Joel asked nicely not with any type of anger or anything like that in his voice. 

“Well, I’ve been gay for about six years now. Long before I met Jim I can tell you that much. But Jim has been gay since his teens,” Blair said. 

“So you’ve decided that maybe Jim's worth fighting for, Sandy?” Connor asked. 

“Fuck, yes. I can’t believe I was such a chicken shit. That’s what it was. I was a chicken shit. I didn’t want to commit. I was frightened of what you all would say. I was just plain terrified.”

“Is there something we can do to make Jim change his mind?” Joel asked. 

“I don’t know, Joel. I honestly don’t. I gave my notice too because I realized when I heard Jim, I had hurt him more than anyone could ever hurt another human being. I have to live with that every day of my life,” Blair said sadly. 

“Maybe you should go home and make it up to him, starting right now.” Connor said. 

“I don’t think he’ll ever let me make it up to him, Connor,” Blair said and got lower in his seat. 

“You can be so stupid sometimes. He adores you, Sandy. I offered myself to him and he turned me down because he believes in people being faithful. How often do you hear that? Go and talk to him now, Sandy, or I will,” Connor said with a wicked smile on her face. 

“Fine, I’ll go and talk to him. If he kills me in my sleep, you’ll all investigate, right?” Blair asked. 

Rafe said, “Hey, you need a ride cuz your car's broken down, remember?”

“Oh yeah, shit. Who wants to give this poor gay guy a ride to see his lover so he can beg his forgiveness?” Blair asked. 

Joel stood up and said, “We’re out of here. Come on, Blair. Let's get over there now. I'd hate to think of him over there all by himself all night.”

“Thanks, Joel. Bye everyone, see you tomorrow.” Blair said as he walked out the door. 

On the way to the car, Joel saw Blair shaking and knew it had nothing to do with the cold. He pulled Blair over to him, kept him close and said, “Don’t worry, Blair. Things will work out. Just tell him how much you love him. Tell him exactly what you told us tonight.”

“I sure hope so, Joel. I can’t live without that man. He’s wonderful,” Blair said. 

Joel smiled all the way to the loft. He talked nonsense with Blair to pass the time and got him there as quickly as he could. As soon as they drove up Blair turned to Joel and said, “Want to come up, Joel?”

“No, Blair, you need to do this alone. Now go.” 

Blair got out of the car and ran upstairs as fast as he could. He walked into the loft after opening the door with his key and saw the dark loft. He could hear Jim upstairs moving on the bed. 

Blair threw his key into the basket, took his shoes off and tossed them aside. He ran up those stairs and stopped when he saw Jim lying there naked on the bed. Jim hadn’t expected Blair home for a long time, so he was stroking himself and was almost there when Blair walked in. 

“Starting without me, Jim?” Blair said teasingly. 

“Blair, I can’t do this.” Jim said as he tried to get up. Blair knocked him back on the bed and said, “I’ve got a few things to tell you. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, Chief, I’m ready,” Jim said quietly. 

The moonlight was shining through the windows and Blair could see the tears in Jim’s eyes and hoped to make that up to him in grand detail. 

“First...Jim, I love you so much. I’m a chicken shit. I was afraid of what people would think. Well, okay, I used to be. I’m not anymore. I told them and I don’t fucking care. I was terrified of never being with a woman again and now all I can think of is being with you until I die. I never want to be without you, Jim. Never. I adore you. I love you and I want you so bad, I could pound nails with this hard on.” Blair finally finished. 

“Blair, I can’t live with someone that thinks he isn’t sure. I need to know if you want this for sure. I’m not trying to make you choose. I’m just saying, I can wait. I’m a patient man.”

“Well, Jim, I’m not a patient man and I want you to fuck me into next year, do you hear me? I want it so hard that I’ll be screaming tomorrow. I want you to fuck me so hard the neighbors will call the police and I hope they wake Simon up,” Blair said smiling. 

“All of that could be arranged, Blair. I love you. Are you sure?” Jim asked scared to death to make a move before he was sure.

“Jim, feel this big boy and tell me I’m not sure.” Blair said as he rubbed Jim’s palm over his hard as nails cock.

Jim decided to get down to business. He started undressing Blair very slowly. Blair didn’t like slow but that was tough. Jim was doing this his way. Blair had to lie back and enjoy the ride. As he took each thing off him, he would lick and bite a section of the exposed skin. “Jim, I’m going to come before you even get a cock close to me. Could we move this along?” Blair asked. 

“Nope, Chief, this is my time, my way.” Jim said as he moved down Blair. Then as fast as he had done that, he stood up and took the rest of his clothes off and let Blair just watch him as he took them off so slowly, it was enough to make Blair moan. Once they were off, Jim got on the bed the opposite way. Jim knew that Blair loved 69 and intended on making this very good for him. First, he flipped Blair’s ass to him, pulled his cheeks apart and licked Blair’s divine crevice. Jim loved Blair flavor. It was something to indeed write home about. Jim just kept giving him a tongue bath until Blair was moaning so loudly that it was even hurting Jim’s ears. Finally, Jim poked into his sweet hole with his tongue and held Blair down as Blair tried to fuck himself on Jim’s tongue. Jim pulled Blair’s cheeks apart even more, buried his face into his ass and was putting his tongue into it like he’d never done. Blair was begging to help him find release. Jim got up on his knees and pulled Blair along with him, never leaving that sweet place. “Jim, please let me come, let me come.” Blair was begging. Finally having a little pity on the man, he laid Blair back down and turned him around. Now they both had a cock in front of their face. 

“Man, I love this so much. I’m so sorry, Jim. I’m so sorry,” Blair said as he started licking Jim’s cock and balls. 

Jim took Blair into his mouth and started sucking hard. Blair knew that he wasn’t going to last long before he came so he had to have Jim catch up. He started humming and nibbling on Jim’s cock as he moved his head back and forth. Finally, Jim let up a little with Blair so he could catch up with him. He started moving his hips in rhythm to the movements of Blair’s mouth. Oh yeah, Jim was getting close. Jim licked his fingers and started putting them into Blair’s ass, one at a time. 

Blair was now moaning around Jim’s cock and Jim was right on the verge. He rubbed Blair’s prostate and Blair started coming in spurts into Jim’s welcoming mouth. At the same time, Jim pounded his cock into Blair’s waiting mouth. He came right after Blair, howling his name repeatedly.

They lay there on the bed trying to just breathe. Finally, relaxing a little, Blair flipped around and went into Jim’s arms for his cuddling time. _How had he thought he didn’t want this? What a fucking moron you are sometimes, Sandburg. No more. This is it; Jim will be it and no one else._

“I love you, Jim.” Blair said as he fell asleep in Jim’s arms. 

An hour later, Jim woke to a cuddly Blair in his arms. Not being able to resist, he got out the lube and started getting Blair ready for the fucking of his life. Blair didn’t fight Jim one bit. In fact, he begged Jim to hurry and get him ready and slide in. Finally, when Jim thought Blair was ready he did slide in, just about zoning before Blair brought him back around. Jim knew that this was going to be unrestrained, but he’d make it up to Blair later. He started pounding Blair. Blair came after about six thrusts and Jim followed right after him. 

Jim cleaned them both up and pulled Blair back into his arms. “I’m going to feel that for a few days.” Blair said smiling. 

“Are you all right, Blair?” Jim asked concerned for a moment.

“Oh yeah, I’m doing just fine. Let’s get some sleep.” 

When Jim woke up that next morning, he saw the empty bed, the sadness washing over him and wondered why he’d pushed him out this time. At that very thought was his partner, friend and lover coming up the stairs carrying breakfast. He was wearing nothing but a carnation hanging from his cock. It was beautiful. Jim was totally turned on from that sight alone. 

Blair saw the cock standing straight up and said, “Oh look, someone wants me for breakfast instead of food. Well, food can wait.” 

He giggled as he jumped into the big bed and they began kissing passionately. Blair lay back and let Jim take over. He wanted Jim to fuck him hard and long again. He didn’t care if he was sore from last night. 

Jim, being Jim, wouldn’t hear of it. He told Blair, it’s your turn, Chief. Want to show me how hard you can fuck me. I need it hard. I want you to fuck me so hard I won’t know what I’m saying or doing the whole time. I don’t want you to get me prepared. I want it now. 

What could Blair do with Jim begging like that? He had to do the job. All, except the part about not getting him ready. No way was he going to do that. He would just loosen him up with one or two fingers. That would be something different. 

He started getting Jim ready and Jim said, “Baby, I want it so hard. I want it now. I want you to take me right this second. Blair couldn’t hold back anymore. He shoved his cock into Jim’s tight hole and Jim howled with pain, but said, “Don’t stop Chief. Please?”

So Blair continued pounding into him. Blair wasn’t sure that this was the right thing to do but Jim wouldn’t make Blair hurt him for no reason. Blair took his fucking at a little bit of a different angle and every time he stroked in, he hit Jim’s prostate. Jim started howling saying, “Chief, more. More. Please harder.”

Blair started pounding into Jim till he felt like his own cock was on fire. He reached around and gave Jim’s cock two strokes and Jim came howling his name repeatedly once again. Once Jim came, his tight channel stroked Blair’s cock and Blair came growling his name as loudly as Jim had howled Blair’s. 

After a few moments, Blair pulled out carefully and looked to be certain there was no blood. It looked fine. He cleaned Jim off and then himself and curled into Jim’s arms again. “Let’s not show up for work today. What will they do, fire us?” Blair asked smiling. 

“Fine by me. I’d love to lie in bed all day with you. That’s much more fun than work anyhow. 

“Jim, are you all right?” Blair asked seriously. 

“Yeah, Chief, I’m fine. I wouldn’t have been all right if you hadn’t have come back. I know that much. I not only love you but need your like you wouldn't believe,” Jim said sweetly. 

“Thank you, Jim,” Blair said in mid-yawn. He was exhausted. Jim would kill him before he was 35. _What a way to go._

Jim pulled him even closer to him and said, “I love you so much, Baby. Stay with me forever? Please?”

“I can do forever with you, Jim. I really can. I promise this time if I get scared or confused, I’ll talk to you first.”

“Okay, let's rest a while and then we can do this again.” Jim said laughing. 

Before long they were both sleeping soundly. So soundly they didn’t hear the phone or the answering machine. 

“Ellison, please call me back. This is Simon. I need to talk to you. I need to tell you some things.” 

After another nap, Jim went down stairs to see about a shower. _Man, I never believed a person could fuck that many times in one evening and morning. I have the sense of smell to prove it._ Jim got into the shower and was smiling widely thinking of his love, who was still sound asleep upstairs. Jim was wearing the younger man out. What a nice change of pace. 

As Jim got out of the shower there was a light knock on the door. “Chief, you don’t have to knock to come in here. It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked.” Jim said laughing while toweling off. 

“Well, I don’t want to make you crazy. I’m trying not to wear out my welcome, know what I mean,” Blair asked

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and kissed him. Blair pulled away and said, “Time out. I need to get a toothbrush in this mouth. Not fair, you smell good everywhere.”

“So jump in the shower, I left plenty of hot water for you, baby.” Blair climbed out of his boxers and got into the shower while Jim watched his backside view in the mirror. Smiling, he said, “Blair, do you want to do anything special today? Just you and me?”

As Blair turned on the water he said, “No, I really hadn’t thought of anything because we are technically supposed to be at work, Jim. Did you forget about that?”

“No, I plan on going to work, just when I feel like it. What are they going to do fucking fire us?” Jim asked as he walked out of the bathroom. 

“Ellison, get your ass back in here.” Blair hollered from the shower. 

“What you need Chief?” 

“Don’t walk away when we’re in the middle of a conversation. I hate when you do that. I’m going to tell you when things bug me now. You tell me the same things too. All right?”

“Chief, I’ll call Simon and tell him we’ll be in to the station in about an hour. That all right with you?”

“Yeah, Jim. That would be much better than just blowing our boss off.”

“I could say something, but I’m not,” Jim said and started laughing. “Jim, you are ‘so’ not funny, man,” Blair said trying not to laugh. 

“Can I leave now and fix us some breakfast?” 

“Yeah, but I don’t want too much, okay?” Blair asked. 

“Sure Chief, hurry up and we can run by that coffee place and get some of that good coffee you like.”

“All right. I’ll get out as soon as I can.” Blair heard Jim leave the room and Blair found himself smiling like crazy. He was totally in love. _How, he thought he didn’t want Jim was beyond him. It was all right, as long as they fixed it. Everything would be fine now. Blair planned to take care of Jim from this day on._

While Jim was fixing up some scrambled eggs, he saw the light blinking on the phone. He figured he had better check their messages. There were eight messages waiting for them. He pushed the button and listened as Blair came walking out of the bathroom. 

“Ellison, please call me back. This is Simon; I need to talk to you. I need to tell you some things.” Beeeeeep. 

“Sandburg, are you there yet? I need to talk to you and Jim. This is Simon. Please call me back.” Beeeeeep

“Hi, Jim, this is Mel Murdock. I just wanted to apologize again. Would you and Blair like to have dinner with Megan and me this weekend? Our number is 555-6281. Let us know.” Beeeeep.

“Sandy, this is Megan. I imagine you’re still sleeping. I wanted to know if you want to come over this weekend to Mel’s house for dinner. Let me know at the office today.” Beeeeep.

“Ellison, Joel here. I’m just calling to see if you two need help with anything. Because if you do, you know that you can depend on me for anything, right?” Beeeeep.

“So Sandburg, me and Henry are waiting here in the bullpen. We’re dying to know what happened last night. Did everything work out? Did you two make up? Oh... this is Rafe, by the way.” Beeeeep.

“Ellison. This is Simon. I really need to talk to you. I’d like you to come by my apartment on the way to the bullpen today. I need to see you in private. I couldn’t sleep last night. I need to talk to you about some things. Please call me or come by.” Beeeeep.

“Sandy, where the hell are you? We’re dying to see you. You decided to play hooky today? A little too old to play hooky don’t you think? By the way, Simon looks like shit this morning. I thought that might make your morning. See you soon. Hopefully.” Beeeeep. 

“Chief, do you have the feeling that we’ll have no privacy about this whatsoever?” Jim said as he started laughing. 

“I take it you didn’t call Simon yet.” Blair said. 

“Nope. I decided we’d just show up when we wanted,” Jim said smiling over at Blair. 

Blair picked up the phone, dialed the precinct and asked for Simon. Simon answered, “Banks.”

“Hey Simon, Jim and I had some things to take care of this morning, we’ll be there in about an hour. Sorry for not calling sooner.”

“Sandburg, thanks for calling. I was getting worried. Did you and Jim get my messages?”

“Yeah, Simon, but we’ll talk to you when we get there. Later,” Blair said hanging up. 

“It doesn’t matter what he says, Chief. It still hurts to know that he feels that way about us. I don’t know that I can get over that,” Jim said sadly. 

“I know that, Jim. I’m sure not going to push on this. We’re the gay couple. He was talking about us.”

“Yeah, he was and that broke my heart, Blair. It really hurt badly,” Jim added. 

“Well, Jim, now it might have had something to do with the fact that your partner was being a fucking prick and asshole yesterday, too.”

“Yeah, that could have made things worse, I guess,” Jim said laughing. 

“I’m really sorry, Jim. I’ll never be able to make that up to you. Therefore, you just have to keep listening to me begging for forgiveness. Right?”

“Blair, I’d listen to anything you have to say as long as you’re by my side. I don’t care what it is. I love you so much.” Jim pulled Blair into his arms and held him close and Blair could feel slight tremors coming from his love. He asked, “Jim, are you all right?”

“Yeah, I just get a little emotional now and then. It’ll pass. I really thought I’d lost you, yesterday. It’s going to take awhile to get back on track for me. Sorry, Chief.”

 

As they were getting to walk out the door the phone rang and Blair picked it up, saying, “Sandburg.”

“Hi, Blair, this is Kellen. I wanted to know if we’re still on for tonight.”

“Oh, sorry, Kellen. No, I got back with my lover so I won’t be dating anyone ever again. Sorry. I had planned on calling you today when I got to the station.”

“But, Blair, you said you didn’t love her,” Kellen whined. 

“I never said it was a her, Kellen. It’s a him. I’m wild about him. I’m totally in love with him. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you should be. I never would have dated a man that dates men. That’s just sick, Blair. Do you know what you're doing?” Kellen continued whining. 

“Yeah, I do know what I’m doing. I’m in love. Gotta go. See you at the station.” Blair hung up the phone, smiled at Jim and found Jim with a huge grin on his face. 

Jim found himself thinking things might just work out for them after all. 

!!!!!!!!!!

The ride to the station, they discussed the new case that had come into their laps yesterday. “Do you have any idea’s on this one, Blair?”

“Yeah, I do. But I want to read all the paperwork again before I say anything.”

“Okay, partner that sounds good. I don’t have a fucking clue on this one.” Jim said angrily. 

“It’ll work out, Jim. Don’t worry so much,” Blair fussed at Jim and found Jim smiling at him again. 

“Jim, I think we better keep the goo goo eye looks out of the bullpen while we’re working, what do you think?”

“Goo goo eyes?” 

“Yeah, you just made goo goo eyes at me. They’re fucking cute as hell but not in the bullpen.”

“Chief, I do not make goo goo eyes at anyone,” Jim said flatly. 

“Yes, you do, Jim. I can tell you, you’re fucking gorgeous when you do it, too.” Blair smiled as he kissed Jim at the red light. 

This was their first kiss out in public and Jim liked being out. In fact, he liked being out a lot more than he ever thought he would. He leaned back into Blair and kissed him until the car behind them honked their horn. Jim sat back up and flipped them the bird as he drove off. Blair could do nothing but laugh his ass off. 

“Sounds like Megan and Mel got things worked out, don’t you think, Jim?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, sounded like they worked it out pretty well. Did you want to go to their house for dinner this weekend? Do you like Mel?” Jim asked. 

“Anyone that Megan loves, I’m going to like. She’s one of my best friends. You know that.” 

“Mel is really nice, Chief. She’ll take good care of Megan. Now, I have something to talk to you about before we get to the office.”

“Why don’t I like the sound of this?” Blair asked getting automatically nervous again. 

“It’s nothing bad, Blair. I just have something to ask you. How do you feel about surrogate dads?”

“What?” Blair looked at him like he had lost his mind. 

“Well, Connor said she’d love to have a baby with Mel and she wondered if I’d donate the sperm for her. She has to discuss it with Mel, yet, but I wanted to confer on this subject and see how you feel. What do you think, Chief?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, Jim, I never gave it much thought. I’d never really thought about us having a baby. We’d get to be in the baby’s life, too?”

“Well, I wouldn’t do it if we didn’t.” Jim said. 

“Then I like the idea. It’s not like you and I can have one. We both love kids so we’d be good with a baby,” Blair said smiling. 

“Chief, don’t get your hopes up. Mel might not go for it. We’ll see what they say, okay.”

“Fine by me, Jim. I like the idea of being a dad. Although what would that make me?”

“Blair, let's not worry about it right now. We’ll worry about it when the time comes,” Jim said laughing. 

“Now I have a question, Jim. Are you going to give Simon a break today or not? I need to know where I fit in this.”

“We’ll have to wait on that one too, Chief. The only thing I know for sure is I owe a thank you to Joel for bringing you home last night,” Jim said with a huge grin on his face again. 

“Jim, man, you’re going to have to get the goofy grin off your face or the bad guys will eat you up,” Blair said laughing and rubbed his hand over Jim’s right thigh before they pulled into the parking garage. 

Once they were parked, they got out and walked to the elevator. Waiting there, Connor walked up, slid her arms around Jim’s waist and said, “Hey, hot shot? Think you can come in any time you want to now?” Jim pulled away from her, hugged her hard and said, “Yeah, I think I can pretty much do anything I want. What are they going to do, fire me?” They all got on the elevator and talked all the way up to their floor. Getting off, everyone gathered around them and slapped Jim on the back as he walked by. 

“Hey, guys, let's keep this professional, okay?” Jim asked. 

“He’s hung like a horse,” Blair said smiling. Everyone in the bullpen cracked up. Jim turned beet red and said, “Sandburg, knock it off.” Sitting down at his desk he got that paperwork out that Blair wanted to look over and put it on top of their workload.

Simon came to his doorway and said, “Detective Ellison, could I see you please?”

“Yes, Sir. Be right there,” Jim said getting up. He walked into Simon’s office and said, “Sir?”

“Come in, Elliso,n and shut the door please,” Simon said, still not looking at Jim. 

“It might be better to keep the door open, Sir. It’s more professional,” Jim said calmly. 

Simon got up, closed the door and said, “Please sit down, Jim. I need to tell you a few things. I’m hoping that you’ll keep them between the two of us.”

“Fine. What is it, sir?” Jim asked. 

“Jim, remember everything I said yesterday?” Simon asked. At the nod of Jim’s head, Simon said, “Well, I lied. It was one big lie. I beg you to not tell anyone this, Jim. It’s something I don’t want to get out, ever.”

“What did you lie about, Sir?” Jim asked confused. 

“Jim, the reason I was angry at you and hoping that Sandburg would rethink everything is because I had feelings for you for some time.”

Jim just sat there looking at his boss and said, “No, you don’t. I’d be able to tell if you did, Simon.”

Simon looked into Jim’s eyes and Jim saw a very sad man. One that knew he had missed something he had wanted. Simon had been too afraid to go for it.

“Shit, Simon. How long?” Jim asked. 

“Since you came on board. I’ve had to fight the urges daily,” Simon said. “I just wanted you to know that this doesn’t change things but didn’t want you to leave thinking I hated gay people.”

“Shit, Simon. I came in here all ready to either kick your ass or tell you off. Now what do you suggest I do?” Jim asked, quite confused.

“Well, could I be lucky enough to have you forget about this whole thing?”

“No, I can’t. Why didn’t you talk to me, Sir?” Jim asked. 

“Because, you work for me Jim. We don’t have the type of jobs to let us be open about our lifestyles. I don’t care what anyone says. By the way, all of your friends were in here this morning telling me they’re going to walk if you do.”

“They’re just upset. They don’t mean it, Sir.”

“Stop calling me sir, Jim. We’re talking about personal stuff. Could you just call me Simon?”

“Sure, Simon. I’m sorry that you didn’t talk to me. We could have tried to work things out.”

“Nah, I saw the way you looked at Sandburg from the first day. I knew you were a goner,” Simon said sadly. 

“Are you all right, Simon?” Jim asked, concerned. 

“I’ll be fine, Jim. I’d really like to have you take back your resignation. Blair, too. I don’t want either of you to leave. I don’t care what you tell everyone out there as long as it isn’t the truth,” Simon said. 

“Well, Simon, I better get out there and get some work done. Blair thinks that he might have a few ideas on that new case we got yesterday. So, I’m going to go back to work,” Jim said as he stood up. 

“Jim, I’m so sorry for everything I said yesterday. Please say you’ll forgive me some day,” Simon begged. 

“Simon, you’re already forgiven. Now, I’ve got work to do.” As Jim stood by the door, Simon walked up to him, took Jim’s hand in his and said, “Thank you for understanding.”

“No problem, Simon. We’ll talk to you later on today,” Jim said as he walked out the door. 

As he walked into the bullpen, Henry walked up and said, “So, do we all have to quit?”

“No, H. You don’t have to quit. Simon and I worked it all out. Everything's fine.”

“Great because I really like Major Crime,” Henry said laughing as he walked off. 

“Hey, Jim, did you get things worked out yet?” Rafe asked on his way to his desk. 

“Yup, sure did. Not to worry, Rafe, everything's worked out. You won’t have to leave Major Crime. Sandburg and I are both staying,” Jim said smiling again. 

Connor stood to the side and just listened to them and said to Blair, “Sandy, what’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“No, not that I know of. I’ll find out and tell you about it later,” Blair said quickly before Jim got there. 

“I heard that, Chief.” Jim said as he sat down.

“Well, I certainly hope so. You’re a fucking sentinel, Jim. You should be able to hear all of us,” Blair said sentinel quiet. 

“Chief, is it okay if we stay here and don’t quit?” Jim asked all kidding aside. 

“Sure, but I want to know what the hell he said that turned you into this man before me. You’re not the heartbroken one that came in this morning,” Blair said. 

“I’ll tell you later, okay?” Jim asked. 

Megan walked up to the desk and said, “Mel and I want to take the two of you out to lunch today. Can you make it?” Megan asked nervously. 

“Connor, we’d love to have lunch with you and Mel. How about 1:00?” Jim asked. “That all right with you, Chief?” 

“Sure, that would be great.” Blair said wondering when he’d lost control of all that was going on in this bullpen. 

Blair went back to reading the file and trying to get a feel for this case when Simon called Jim back into his office. Rafe came up to Blair and said, “Sandburg, have you figured out what the hell's going on with those rapes yet?”

“It’s getting messier, isn’t it, Rafe? I mean each one seems to be escalating. That scares the shit out of me. Is everything in this file? All of the paperwork on these women.”

“Shit, Sandburg, he isn’t particular. He raped a guy last night,” Rafe said. 

“No way. This guy went from doing seven women to a man?” Blair asked. 

“Yup, the man was questioned this morning. He’s a mess. I think he’d probably give more info to a woman detective so Connor said she’d go and talk to him this afternoon.”

“Rafe, this doesn’t make any sense at all. Why would he rape seven women and then a man? I don’t get it.” Blair sat there chewing on the eraser of his pencil. 

“Well, you’ll have lots of time to try and figure it out because he seems to be backing off a little bit.” Rafe said. “The first seven were pretty close together and then this last one was two weeks after the seventh.”

“Rafe, what if he wanted the man all along, but wanted us to be looking for someone else. Throwing us off the scent more or less?” Blair asked. 

“You think that this man raped seven women to get to one man?” Rafe asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, I do. We might need to check into this. I’ll talk to Jim about it when he comes out of Simon’s office,” Blair said looking over the papers again. 

Connor walked over and said, “Sandy, I need to go and question the man that was attacked last night and wondered if you’d go with me.”

“Sure, that makes sense. I might be able to see if there is anything he’s not telling us as you question him.,” Blair said getting up and grabbing his jacket. 

Blair walked over to Simon’s office and knocked on the door, opened it and said, “Captain, I just need to tell my partner that I’ll be at the hospital with Connor questioning the new rape victim.”

“Chief, I‘ll see you when you get back, all right?” Jim asked nervously. 

“Don’t forget about lunch, Jim.” Blair said as he walked out and shut the door. _What the fuck's going on with them? I know that look, but what was it? Guilt? Why would Jim be feeling guilty about being in Simon’s office? All right, Sandburg, stop working yourself up into a frenzy. We’ll tackle it after lunch._

He walked up to Connor and said, “Connor, look at Jim and tell me what you see watching him?” 

“He looks upset about something. I thought they worked it all out,” Connor said. 

“Me too, but he looks pretty upset, don’t you think?” Blair asked. 

“Well, why not ask him at lunch today,” Megan said as she pushed Blair into the elevator. 

The ride over went fast talking about the case. Megan turned to Blair and said, “Sandy, what would you think of Jim fathering a child for me and Mel?” 

“Actually, Connor, I think it would be a pretty good idea. His genes might be passed on and you could have a little sentinel on your hands.”

“And what do you think of you being a father of one for Mel?” Megan asked looking at him very seriously. 

“You both want to have a child at the same time? Don’t you think that might be pushing it a little bit?” Blair asked. 

“Actually, it was Mel’s idea. She wants to carry a child so badly but so do I. It’s not like we have to do it at the same time. We were thinking maybe six months apart or something. What do you think of that idea?”

“Why in the world would you be considering me?” Blair asked. 

“Besides the fact that you’re gorgeous? Well, let’s see. Mel is 6’2” tall, and wanted a smaller male to have a child with. She didn’t want to have a little girl as tall as her. She keeps having dreams about a little girl. She thinks you’d be perfect.”

“Man, I’m like totally blown away. I’ll have to think on it but I’m pretty sure that Jim and I will agree to it if we have visiting rights and so on.”

Connor smiled and said, “Blair, you’re the best. I can’t wait to talk to Jim about this too.”

“Well, it won’t be that much longer, will it? Let’s get this question and answering over with so we can get back to the station for lunch,” Blair said as they walked into the hospital. Blair dreaded this whole questioning. Poor guy, must be a total basket case. 

!!!!!!!!!!

As Blair followed Megan into the victim’s room an odd thought struck him. The room was so dark, dreary and just depressing. Didn’t the hospital think about things like this? This couldn’t help the poor man. Blair was going to open the damn blinds first thing so the man could see that there was actually sun shining out there. It happened so seldom that Blair felt they shouldn’t pass it up. What would a normal man do when attacked by some psycho? Who knew? Nevertheless, Blair felt like he should help this man out a little bit. Maybe he could find out if the man had ever been with another man before. No, that was none of his business. _Get a grip Sandburg; you can’t make everyone’s life better. You can’t even take care of your own._ Blair sighed as he stepped closer to the bed. 

“Mr. Chase,” Megan said, “I’m Inspector Connor, of the Cascade PD, and this is my partner, Detective Blair Sandburg.”

When the man heard Blair’s name he turned over, stared with dead eyes at Blair, and asked, “Sandburg, is that really you?”

“Spense, you need to talk to me. We need to find out who did this to you and why,” Blair said trying to remain calm when he realized that this was a friend of his. 

“Sandy, you know this man? Would you prefer I pull Jim in on this?” Megan asked. 

“Spense, are you all right with me being on the case?” Blair asked his friend. 

“I don’t want anyone else, Blair. I’d like if you stayed on.”

“All right...but you have to know that we’re going to be asking some tough questions. Are you up to it?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, let's get this over with,” Spenser said in defeat. 

“Mr. Chase, were you able to see the rapist’s face?” Megan asked. 

“No, he had a mask on and he used one of those voice contraptions that changes the sound of your voice.”

“Spense, now you need to close your eyes and think back and see if you remember anything about him you would recognize. Was there anything familiar about him at all?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, there was something about him, while he was raping me he kept saying, “You're finally mine,” like he had wanted me for some time,” Spenser said quietly. 

“Mr. Chase, you believe it was someone you know? Do you think you could give us a description, as in height, weight, scars and that type of thing?” Megan asked hopefully. 

“I believe that it was someone I know. Why else would they have disguised their voice? If it were someone I didn’t know they wouldn’t have needed it, right? And did that rapist use it on his other victim’s?” Spense asked trying to stay calm, but not really doing a very good job of it. 

“Blair looked at some of the notes that Megan had made and said, “Spense, you’re right. If it’s the same man he never used anything to change his voice with any of the others. We might be on to something. It might be someone you know. Is there anyone that has made his feelings known towards you in the last six months or so?” Blair asked. 

“A teacher from one of my classes came on to me, Blair. It can’t be him. He might be an odd guy, but I can’t see him raping all of those women to get to me,” Spense said with his head hanging down. Spenser really felt like his life would never be the same. As if things weren’t bad enough, then someone he knows had to be investigating the rape. Spense turned away from them and curled into a ball. 

“Connor, could I see Spenser alone please?” Blair asked. 

“Sure, I’ll be outside.” Megan said and then she whispered, “get that name of the teacher for us to check out, Sandy.”

“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Blair said. He then walked closer to the bed and said, “Spense, you can talk to me now. We’re alone. Nothing will ever leave this room.”

"Jesus, Blair, I can’t believe this. I wanted to be with a man, you know that, just not this way. I should have made up my mind sooner, I guess.” 

“Spense, who have you been thinking about being with? I need to take all things into consideration,” Blair said taking hold of Spenser’s hand and holding on to him to let Spense know he was there. 

“Do you remember, Shel, from your class? Well, he’s the one I’ve been interested in. I couldn’t get up the nerve to do anything about it. He kept asking me out but I told him I needed more time. I was scared, Blair. I was scared.”

“I know, calm down. I don’t blame you. The first time's hard enough without someone putting pressure on you. You’ll still have that chance of a first time, Spense. This wasn’t your fist time. This was taken from you, not given. There's a big difference. Don’t worry about Sheldon. I’ll talk to him and see what’s going on with him. He doesn’t need to know anything about what happened.”

Tears started rolling down Spenser’s face and Blair said, “Do you want me to hold you? I don’t want to do anything that will make you uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, I’d like you to hold me.” Spenser whispered.

“Megan pushed the door open about an hour later and saw Blair holding Spenser in his arms and rocking him while Spenser cried his heart out. Megan was so proud of her partner that very moment she about burst. _Sandy is one of the best people I know. He deserves nothing but happiness from life and Jim._ She walked back out to the hallway and sat down on the chair that sat there and waited patiently for her partner. 

Once Spenser had calmed down a little Blair asked, “Spense, I hate to ask you, but do you think you hurt this person at all. Did you try and fight?”

“Yeah, I had blood all over my hands from the scratches and bruises I put on his neck and face. I went right through the mask.”

“Spense, I need to go and see if they took the proper scrapings when you were down in ER. I’ll be back up to see you tonight. You hang in there. Oh, let me call my friend who deals in rape crisis and he’ll come over to talk to you. Would you be okay with that?”

“Yeah, Blair, I would. Thank you for coming up. I’d like to have you come and see me tonight. I can’t close my eyes at night because I’m too afraid. Do you think I could sleep for a few hours tonight with you here?”

“Yeah, I’ll bring my partner up for you to meet. You’ll like him. His name's Jim.”

“I thought Inspector Connor was your partner,” Spense said surprised. 

“Well, she is today, but my usual partner's Jim Ellison. He’s great. You’ll like him. We're together in all things if you catch my drift,” Blair said smiling. 

“No shit? That’s great. I’m happy for you, Blair. At least you did something before someone else made the decision for you,” Spenser said sadly. 

“Spense, I have to go now. I’ll see you tonight. Try to rest and if anyone upsets you, ring for the nurse. You don’t have to put up with it,” Blair said as he squeezed Spenser’s arm with warmth and caring. 

As Blair walked out into the hallway, he smiled at Connor and said, “Come on, partner, we need to see if they took scrapings of underneath his finger nails. He said he drew blood on the man's neck and face. If we happen across our guy, he’ll be easy to spot. We have two possibilities. Let's get busy and take care of this case. It makes me sick. Connor, I think this guy raped seven women to cover this one up.”

“Sandy, do you really think that? That's past weird, I mean...why?”

“Maybe someone that didn’t want to be found out. Someone that was trying to hide his homosexuality. Maybe someone that is neither of the two men that Spense mentioned,” Blair said concentrating on it as they walked down to ER. 

Once down there they checked the logs and found out that all things were done according to regulations. They had the scrapings. Now they just needed to find their man. Blair turned to Megan and said, “I’m going back up to ask him one more question before we go. Come on.”

The two detectives walked back to the room and knocked and Spense told them to come in. When they walked in, Spenser tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his cold, dead eyes. “Forgot something, Blair?”

“I know that this is really hard, Spense, but I need to find this guy. Can you think of anyone at the University that you wondered about in the last six months or so? Did you ever look at any of these men and think, I wonder if they’re gay.”

“Why? What does that have to do with anything? I might have thought that about three different men over the last six months,” Spenser answered.

“I need their names, Spense. I won’t hurt you or anyone else in the process. I promise,” Blair said as he pulled out his notebook. 

Spenser gave him the three names of men that he’d thought about and Blair wrote them down and said, “Okay, I’m going to get on this right away, Spense. I’ll see you later on tonight. Take care.”

“Bye, Blair. Good luck.” Spense said as he rolled back over to his curled up position again. 

When he got out to the hall, Megan said, “Jim's going to meet us at the University. I thought it might help if we had another person on this. He might hear something that isn’t meant for our ears.”

“Good thinking, Connor. Did you call Mel and tell her lunch was off?” Blair asked. 

“Shit. I’ll do it now,” Connor said as she dialed the cell phone of her love. When Mel picked it up she said, “Murdock.”

“Hi, Mel, it’s me,” Megan said. 

“Hey, Sugar, how're you doing this fine day?” Mel said smiling broadly. 

“I have to cancel lunch, babe. Blair and I are on to something that might be a good lead. So, we’ll have a rain check, all right?”

“Sure, you go and get your job done and I’ll see you tonight. Maybe we should plan on dinner with them tonight, you think?” Mel asked. 

“I’ll ask, but let's not plan on anything yet, Mel. Let’s see how this case pans out,” Megan said 

“See ya later, sweet stuff,” Mel said hanging up her phone. Megan found herself smiling like an idiot. The idea of being so much in love with this woman was just weird. Megan had never really thought about women while she was younger but as she got older, the thoughts were there, she just needed to act on them. 

“Sandy, Mel would like to have you and Jim meet us for dinner tonight if we get this taken care of by then,” Megan said as they started driving out of the parking lot of the hospital. 

“Well, I’d have to see what’s up with Jim but I don’t see why it would be a big problem,” Blair said smiling at the goofy grin on Megan’s face. 

!!!!!!!!!!

Once they got to the University, they saw Jim’s truck and walked over to it. Jim was down on the ground tying his shoelaces so they hadn’t seen him right off. “I was wondering when you were going to get here,” Jim said standing up with a huge smile on his face. 

There was no one around so Blair touched Jim’s hand to let him know that he was thinking of him. Jim held his hand for a few moments before letting go. Jim loved the feel of Blair’s skin against his. Blair had skin like nothing Jim could even describe. It was so soft and gentle. Jim had to shake his head to get the thoughts out of his head because he was beginning to get hard. Not something you want to do while questioning a rape suspect. 

Blair handed Jim the notebook and said, “These are the names of the guys we need to check out. We want you to listen and see if you notice anything out of the ordinary. We need to find this fucker soon.”

“Amen, guys, now let's get this show on the road,” Megan said walking up the stairs to the main building. Once inside they found out where each of these men were and started for the first one. The teacher. His name was Royce Masterson. They walked down the hallway and knocked on the door where he was supposed to be. He opened the door and said to Jim, “Can I help you?”

“Mr. Royce Masterson?” Jim asked. 

“Yes, and you are?”

“I’m Detective Jim Ellison of the Cascade PD. I’m here to ask some questions about the rape that was committed the other night on campus. Your name has come up and we need to check out a few things.”

“My name came up about a rape? You’re joking right?” Masterson said loudly and then he saw Blair standing there and said, “Sandburg, what the fuck are you doing here? You told them about us, did you?”

Jim looked back at his partner and saw Blair’s face turn red. Blair said, “Masterson, where were you last night at 10:00?”

“You fucking told them that I’d try to make you do something, didn’t you. Did you mention to them what a cock tease you were?” Masterson said. 

Jim was so pissed off and wasn’t quite sure why. “Mr. Masterson, we’re getting away from the question here. This has nothing to do with Detective Sandburg. We need to know of your whereabouts last night at 10:00.”

“Well, that one's easy. I was out to dinner with my wife’s parents. Assholes didn’t let me get out of there for hours,” Masterson said somewhat relieved when he realized he was no longer in hot water. 

“I need your wife’s name, address and phone number, Sir,” Jim said. 

“No, you can’t talk to my wife. She’ll want to know why and you can’t say that's why. She has no idea I’m gay,” Masterson begged Jim. 

“Sir, I have to check out your whereabouts from 9:00 last night until 11:00,” Jim stated firmly. 

“How about the restaurant? They know me well and we were there until about 12:30 this morning. They can give you the information,” Masterson said trying to save his ass. 

“That will be okay for now, Masterson, but if we need more, we’ll have to get back with you,” Jim said as he started walking down the hallway. 

This whole time Megan had remained quiet and just wondered what she had missed on this one. She would have guessed that this man tried to force Blair into something he wasn’t willing to do. God, she hoped not because Jim would kick his uptight, rich ass. Now this idea made Megan smile. 

As they walked over to the next building, Blair kept waiting for the boom to fall on him from Jim. Jim didn’t say a word. This wasn’t a good thing. He could tell by Jim’s body language that Jim was more than pissed off. The next person on the list was Sheldon Mitchell. He wasn’t in his class. The next person on the list was Linc Brennen. He was in his class, answered all of their questions, and admitted to wanting to ask a few guys out but he had an airtight alibi for last night. He was with his professor getting help in some classes. He gave the Professor’s name to them and they let him get back to class. 

Connor said, “Jim, who do you want to talk to next? Anyone in particular?”

“Why not ask Sandburg? He seems to know more about them then we ever would,” Jim said pissed off. He walked to the next room and asked to see Mark Martin. When he came out, he smiled at them and said, “Could I help you?”

The first thing they all noticed was that he had no scratches or bruises to be seen. However, Jim could hear his heartbeat pounding like a jackhammer. 

“We’re investigating the rape from last night and need to know your whereabouts between 9:00 and 11:00,” Jim said. 

“Well, that's easy. I was hanging with my professor. We studied all night long,” Mark said very nervously. 

“What is the professor’s name, Mark?” Sandburg asked. 

“Professor Archer. You remember him don’t you, Sandburg?” Mark asked. 

“Yeah, I remember him. We’ll have to check your alibi,” Sandburg said looking over at Connor and Ellison and saw they were ready to leave. 

Mark reached out, grabbed Blair’s arm, and said, “Blair, please don’t do this. He’ll be so pissed off that anyone knows. I wasn’t studying. He’ll get in trouble for nothing.”

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say for nothing, Mark. We have someone else with him as their alibi. Seems somewhat strange. Did he leave you at all?” Blair asked. 

“Well, yeah, he was busy doing other things. And he said he was also tutoring, but I was there, I swear,” Mark said. 

As they walked out of the building, Blair said to Jim, “I think we should check the library for Shel and ask if he’s seen anyone that fits that description since last night.”

“Fine,” Jim said coldly. 

“Jim, don’t be pissed, okay. We’ll talk about this later,” Blair said. 

“Fuck that shit. I need to know if that guy pushed himself on you, Sandy,” Megan asked. 

“Fine, yes, he did. I stopped him and the security guy pulled him off me. I told him I wouldn’t press charges if he kept away from me. I know, I know. It was stupid. I should have pressed charges. I was scared,” Blair said all in one breath. 

Megan and Jim both came towards Blair and Jim said, “I’m sorry Chief. I’m an ass. What can I say? I was jealous that I don’t know everything about you.”

“Jim, you can’t know everything about me. I'll never know everything about you, either,” Blair said. 

“Sandy, when did this happen?” Connor asked. 

“About four years ago. Right before I met my blessed protector,” Blair said smiling now. 

As they walked into the library they just looked around. Blair had told them what Shel looked like, and they knew who to look for. As they walked around, Jim heard a heartbeat beating very hard over to the right in the back of the library. Jim asked the person in charge if Shel was here today and she said, “Well, I know he’s here. I don’t know where he went.”

“Chief, I think it might be him. Let's not get too wild here but don’t let him slip by. Are there any other ways out of this place?” Jim asked. 

“Nope. This is the only way in and out,” Blair said. 

Blair walked back towards the person in the corner of the library and said softly, “Shel, is that you?”

“Yeah, why? I’m trying to find a book I need for tomorrow. What do you want, Sandburg?” Shel said angrily. 

As Blair got up close to him, he saw the black eye, the bruises on his face and cheek. Then he saw the gashes in his neck. “Shel, what happened to you? It looks like you got in a pretty good fight,” Blair asked. 

Shel thought since he was bigger than Sandburg he’d get by him easily. What he hadn’t planned on was a very angry Sandburg. So as soon as he started to try and run over Blair, Blair shoved him so hard that he was down on the ground faster than you could say, ‘Sandburg.’

Blair was reading him his rights and cuffing him when Jim and Megan got there. Jim looked on proudly as Blair shoved the man into the hands of his partners. Blair was pissed. 

After they took him downtown to book him, they had to ask him questions in the interrogation room. He gave everything up quickly. He wanted to make a deal. What people won’t do for saving their hide?

Megan met up with Blair and Jim as they walked into the garage at the station and asked, “Mel wanted us to meet her for dinner. You guys game?”

Jim looked over at Blair and said, “Sure, I guess so.”

“Jim, could I talk to you first?” Blair asked. Connor said, “I’ll meet both at the deli in about 20 minutes. See you then.”

“So what’s up, Chief?” Jim asked reviewing his partner knowing something was up. 

“I want to know what was going on in Simon’s office this morning. You want the truth from me all the time, well, I want no less, man.”

“I planned on talking to you tonight about Simon, Chief. I really don’t want to get into it right now. I think we should go and relax and then go home and rest.”

“No, we can’t. I promised Spense that we’d come up and sit with him for a few hours so he could sleep. He doesn’t feel safe, Jim. He’s scared to death and he’s got no one.”

“Okay, Chief, we’ll talk about it while Spense's sleeping, deal?”

“I guess that would work. Nothing's wrong, is it?”

“No, nothing's wrong. Don’t worry so much. I love you.”

“All right, those are the words I really wanted to hear, man,” Blair said lighting up like a light bulb. 

Jim cuffed him along side his head and they got into the truck to head on over to the deli for dinner with Mel and Megan. _Now this might be interesting, Ellison. These women want something. They just have that look about them._

When they got to the deli, Mel and Megan were in a booth and called them over to join them. Blair and Jim slid in and got comfortable while the server came to take their order. Jim ordered something nice and fatty, and Blair changed it for him, then ordered the same for himself. Jim glared at Blair and Mel and Megan started laughing their heads off. 

“What’s so fucking funny?” Jim asked. 

“You two are just too cute for words,” Mel said laughing. 

“Hear that, Chief? We’re too cute for words,” Jim said laughing too. 

“Okay, enough of the sweet talk, what do you want?” Blair asked starting to laugh harder now. 

“Well, since you brought it up, we have a proposition to make to the two of you,” Mel said getting both men’s attention right off. 

“Don’t worry it wouldn’t hurt,” Megan said smiling.

“Megan and I both want children. But what’s even worse is we both want to carry children. So we’re wondering how you two feel about being fathers. Would you consider thinking about being our perfect fathers?” Mel asked. 

“Jim and Blair, I want you guys to be up front with us. If you don’t want it, it’s not the end of the world. But I think you’d be great to at least think about it,” Megan said. 

“Why do you want to have the babies at the same time?” Jim asked.

“Because we thought it would be nice to have siblings, more or less.” Megan said.

“And how would you want to go about this?” Jim asked nervously. 

“Jim, this doesn’t sound that great but I’d like you and Blair to do the deed at our house so we can use a turkey baster to shoot it in,” Mel said. 

Jim and Blair both turned red. Jim said, “I think we need to think about it, Mel. We will discuss and think about it though.”

When their dinner came, they started discussing the case they had just finished and before long they were just relaxing and talking about camping. They found out that Megan and Mel both loved camping. 

“Mel's looking to buy a condo or something and I saw one of the places at the loft was up for sale and we considered that one. How would you feel about that?” Megan asked. 

“I don’t care as long as you don’t move in with us, Megan.” Blair said laughing. 

“Oh, you're so funny, Sandy. I’m just dying from the laughter,.” Megan said sarcastically. 

Blair looked down at his watch and said, “Shit, Jim, I promised Shel we’d stop up there. We better get.”

All four cops stood up and Mel was the first one to hug Jim and Blair. “Thanks, guys, for even considering it.”

“Yeah, what she said,” Megan said as she hugged them next. 

“We’ll let you know as soon as we discuss this,” Jim said. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Night.”

They walked out and got in the truck. Jim had a big old smile on his face. Blair had an idea that Jim had already made up his mind. _Sandburg, how do you feel about sharing this man of yours? He’d belong to someone else besides you. Even if it were a child, they’d still belong to Jim. They would be part of Jim._

!!!!!!!!!!

On the drive up to the hospital, Blair was really quiet and napped a little so he could stay awake for Shel’s sake once they got there. 

Blair woke to his partner saying his name softly and sweetly waking him from a sex filled dream. “Chief, we’re here. You wanna get the lead out or what?”

Yup, that was his sentinel. Mr. Romance. The romance would never die up in this relationship if Jim was in charge. Blair started laughing and Jim said, “What’s funny, Chief?”

“You, Jim. You’re funny. You’re just too damn cute for words.”

“Man, we’re not going to live that one down are we, Chief?” Jim teased, making light of the fact that Megan and Mel thought they were both too cute for words. 

“Nope, but there are worse things in life to be, ya know?” Blair asked. “You set, Partner? Jim, are you sure you want to go with me? You don’t have to.”

“Chief, I don’t want to spend the night away from you. Even if it’s in a chair across the room, I’ll still be able to see you. I understand that this man needs to feel safe to sleep. I know that I felt that way when I got to Peru. I couldn’t sleep until I met Incacha.”

“Blair leaned across the seat and gave Jim a long kiss. Jim, finally coming up for air, said, “Now that's unfair, Blair. Totally unfair.”

Laughing, Blair got out of the truck and waited for his partner to readjust himself in his jeans. Once Jim caught up to him, they walked into the hospital together. “Hey, Jim, do we tell Spense that we got the guy or do we not bring it up?”

“Chief, do I look like anyone that knows the first thing about rape victims?” Jim asked. 

“I think we should have classes in this type of thing at the station, what do you think?”

“I think if you think it’s a good idea, Chief, it’s a good idea.”

Getting off the elevator, they made their way to Spenser’s room and knocked before going in. There was no answer and Blair pushed the door open and saw Spense looking out the window. He was standing up. Blair thought this might be a good sign but wasn’t quite sure. 

Jim leaned in and whispered, “Do you want me to go and talk to his doctor first before we say anything?”

“Yeah, but come and meet him first. He wants to meet you.”

“Spense, I told you we’d be back. I wanted you to meet Jim. He needs to talk to your doctor about a few things and then he’ll be back. But Spenser this is my friend, Jim Ellison.”

“Nice to meet you, Detective Ellison,” Spense said but didn’t raise his eyes to meet Jim’s. Jim had seen this so many times. They think they deserved it. They think they have no more self-worth. It made Jim so fucking angry. 

“It’s great to meet you, Mr. Chase. Can I call you Spenser?” Jim asked kindly. 

“Sure, that would be fine,” Spense said. 

“Well, I’m going to be back in just a few minutes. We’ll talk more then,” Jim said as he left the room. 

“Spenser, what was that all about? Why wouldn’t you look at Jim?” Blair asked outright. 

“Because I know what I’ll find there. Jesus, Blair I don’t know how you can stand to look at me.”

“Spenser, have you slept at all today?” Blair asked. 

“No, I told you, I don’t feel safe.”

“Do you feel safe with me, Spense?

“Yeah, I do. I don’t know why I do but I do. I’m so glad to see you, Blair.” Before Blair knew what was happening he had his arms full of a sobbing Spenser.

Blair rocked him back and forth and just rubbed his back softly and slowly. When the door to the room opened up, Spense tensed immediately. Jim said, “Spenser, it’s just me. Jim Ellison. You’re safe.”

Jim moved over to the two men and Jim put his arms around the two men and drew them both into his embrace. They stayed that way for a long while. Blair didn’t know how long but his arms were numb so it had been awhile. Finally pulling away, Spense moved over to the bed and climbed in and asked, “Can I go to sleep for a couple of hours, Blair?”

“Yeah, Jim and I are staying tonight. We’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks, both of you,” Spense said as he drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

Blair had to run to the bathroom and left the room and Spense woke up crying. Jim moved up to the bed and said, “Spense, it’s okay, it’s Jim. Blair will be right back. Don’t be afraid, okay?”

“I’m not afraid of you, Jim. You don’t scare me. I see the way you look at him. I know you’d never hurt anyone.”

Jim could see him shaking hard under the covers and asked, “What can I do to help, Spense?”

“Could you hold me for just a little while? I’m so fucking scared. I’m so fucking tired of being scared.”

Jim climbed onto the bed, sliding Spense over a little bit and put his arm under Spenser’s neck and pulled him into his arms. Spense went without a fight. Which surprised Jim, but who was he to argue. Whatever worked was the important thing. 

When Blair got back from his short walk and bathroom break, he found two sleeping forms in the bed and a smile lit up his face. _God, Jim's a good man._

Blair pulled the chair up to the bed and laid his head on Jim’s leg and went to sleep. The doctor was shocked to find two men protecting this man as they were when he walked in. Especially since Spenser had not wanted anyone to touch him or be near him. The doctor had his first ray of hope for Spenser Chase. 

Jim opened his eyes and said, “Hey.”

“You must be one of the Detectives that the nurses talked about. I’m Dr. Dan Dennen and you are?”

“I’m Detective Jim Ellison and this man waking up at this moment is my partner, Detective Blair Sandburg.”

“Good to meet both of you. The nurses said that Mr. Chase slept the entire night. This is quite a shock to us. Thank you for being there for him.”

Jim unwrapped his arms from underneath Spenser and got out of bed to relieve himself. He was about to burst. He hadn’t wanted to disturb Spenser during the night. When he got back to the room Blair was talking. 

“I’ve got a friend who's a rape crisis therapist along with her husband. They're coming to see you today, Spenser. You’ll like them a lot. They are both victims of sexual crimes, so they understand it all. You’ll be safe with them.”

The doctor turned to Spenser and said, “Mr. Chase, did they tell you that the man who did this has been arrested because of the good description you gave? He’s the one that hurt all of those people. You helped them find him and get him off the street.”

“No, I didn’t know. Thank you both,” Spenser said and for the first time looked up at Jim. Jim saw one of the saddest men he’d ever seen in his life. He never wanted to see anyone that sad again. He smiled at Spenser and said, “No, thank you. You were the one that helped us. Without your help, he’d be out there hurting someone else.”

Looking at Blair, Spenser said, “Who was it, Blair?”

“I’m sorry...it was Shel.”

“Oh god, somehow I knew it. I just knew it. He didn’t want to wait. I shouldn’t have made him wait,” Spenser said crying softly. 

“No, Spenser. No person, man or woman, has a right to expect anything from another person just because they feel like they deserve it. Don’t ever think it was your fault.”

“Well, gentlemen, I’d like to examine my patient and I’ll let you both go home and get ready for work. Thank you for looking out for my patient,” The doctor said. 

Jim pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to Spenser and one to the doctor and said, “If either of you need us for anything, we answer the phone, day and night.”

“Thanks, Blair and Jim. I needed that sleep,” Spenser said smiling a small smile. 

“Take care, buddy,” Blair said as they walked out of the room. 

Once down in the truck, Blair said, “Man, I need a shower bad.”

“Yes, you do, Chief,” Jim said laughing as Blair smacked him in the arm. 

“So Jim, you going to tell me what was going on in Simon’s office yesterday or not?”

“Why don’t we wait till we’re home and I feel more comfortable telling you about it.”

“Man, that doesn’t sound good. Am I going to hate this, Jim?”

“I don’t know yet, Chief. We’ll discuss it when we get there.” Jim reached down and switched on the radio and they both started singing the song Amazed, by Lonestar. Jim kept smiling while he was singing it to Blair. 

****

Every time our eyes meet  
This feeling inside me  
Is almost more than I can take  
Baby, when you touch me  
I can feel how much you love me  
And it just blows me away  
I've never been this close to anyone or anything  
I can hear your thoughts  
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better  
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin  
The taste of your kiss  
The way you whisper in the dark  
Your hair all around me, baby, you surround me  
You touch every place in my heart  
Oh, it feels like the first time every time  
I wanna spent the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do  
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better  
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do  
I'm so in love with you  
It just keeps getting better  
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side  
Forever and ever  
Every little thing that you do  
Oh, every little thing that you do  
Baby, I'm amazed by you

When the song ended, they both smiled at each other and Blair said, “That song is so us, baby.”

“Yes, it is,” Jim answered as he pulled into the parking lot and shut the truck off. Getting out, they locked up and made their way upstairs to shower and dress for the new day. 

As they walked into the loft, Jim picked up the phone and called Simon. “Hey Simon?”

“Jim, is anything wrong?”

“No, we spent the night with a sick friend at the hospital, so would it be all right if we sleep for awhile before coming in?”

“Sure, that’s fine. I heard you got the rapist. Good job. Tell Sandburg he did really well.”

“Thanks, Simon. I’ll be sure to tell him. I’ll see you later on today then.”

“Just come in tomorrow, Jim. Take it easy today and relax. See you tomorrow. Bye.” Simon hung up before Jim could say anything back to him. 

“Hey, Chief. We got the day off.” 

“Why? Why’s he being so damn nice all of a sudden? I have a feeling I’m not going to like whatever it is you have to tell me.”

Jim jogged up the stairs to get them clean clothes and was back in a flash as he drug Blair into the bathroom for a shower. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

 

“No, not since last night.” 

“Well, I do love you, Chief, more than you’ll ever know.”

“Jim, last night when you held Spenser in your arms all night, I found that the sweetest, but yet most sexy thing I’d ever thought about.”

“Really? He just needed to be safe, Chief, that’s all.”

“Well, you have a way of making anyone feel safe all the time.”

“Thanks but that’s because you’re there to guide me all the time.” 

Blair said, “All right, that’s enough. What's with all this sucking up?”

They both laughed as they got into the shower and felt the warm water flow over their bodies and both men relaxed right away. Nothing could beat this feeling. 

As Jim washed Blair’s body and watched Blair get hard, he asked, “What do you think of being a father?”

“Man, don’t bring that up now. Get back to business. We’ll discuss that later,” Blair said as he kissed Jim hard and passionately. 

Jim finished getting them all clean and said, “I don’t know about you but I’d like to be in our bed when we do this.”

“I couldn’t agree more, Jim. Lead the way, I’ll always follow.”

They went up the stairs, kissing and groping the entire way. Jim sometimes felt like he was in a relationship with a teen. Not that he was complaining. Nope, he wasn’t a fool. 

Once they got on the bed, Jim got the lube and condoms out and started preparing Blair. He really wanted to fuck him bad. He hadn’t even asked, he just figured that if Blair didn’t want it, he’d tell him. “Can I fuck you, baby?”

“Jim, you know you can.”

“I thought I’d make sure,” Jim whispered. Blair smiled at him when he realized he was probably still thinking about Spenser not having a choice. Again, Blair thought to himself, _God, Ellison's a hell-of-a man._

As soon as he had stretched Blair, he slid in and both men held their breath. Every time seemed like the first time. It was so wonderful. Jim was so fucking gentle. Blair didn’t want gentle. 

“Jim, I want you to fuck me hard, not gentle. I want to think of you a week from now. Now, fuck me hard.”

“Jim couldn’t stand it. Something about Blair’s voice drove him out of his mind. Before he knew what happened he was pounding into Blair. Every time he hit Blair’s prostate, Blair made a little sound that was drawing Jim closer and closer to the edge. Blair’s sounds were quite sexy. “Jesus, Chief, you feel so fucking great. Your voice alone makes me almost come.”

“Jim, keep taking me hard, pound into me, come for me, Jim. I want you to come in me and make me sore for a week.”

Jim let out a growl and started pushing his cock into Blair deeper and harder than he ever had. It was enough to almost astound Blair. Blair let out little quiet cries begging Jim to come and make him come, too. Jim reached around and started stroking Blair as he continued pounding as hard as he could into him. Jim was so close but he wanted Blair to come with me. Blair started howling, “Come for me, Jim. Come for me.”

Jim couldn’t hold back any longer. He came hard and with each spurt, he pushed in deeper and harder and Blair came with him. As they both came back to themselves, Jim said, “Blair, you are the best fuckee I could ever hope for. I never dreamed that it could be this good.”

“Well, good, I’m glad you liked. You’re the best fucker I’ve ever met. Therefore, we work out perfectly. God, I love you man.”

“I love you, Blair.”

Jim cleaned both of them off and they fell asleep for about two hours and when they woke up, Blair said, “Okay, hot stuff, I want to know what’s going on with Simon.”

“No, first we discuss the baby business. What do you think of that?”

“Jim, I really think that one baby would be more than enough for us. What do you think?”

“Well, what if they can’t decide which one would be the dad? What if they think we would both be good? What if I think I’d love a baby that looked just like his perfect daddy?”

“Man, you are such a sweet talker. I love that about you, Jim. So do you think it would be all right if both of them got pregnant at the same time?”

“Yeah, I think so. I have a feeling that Connor wants to carry mine. I could tell the way she was looking at me. I think that Mel has a thing for your eyes, Sandburg. That had better be all she has a thing for.”

What do you think of the way they want to inject the sperm? That bothered me a little bit. I think that we should do things the old fashioned way. We’re going to be parents together, we should be able to pull off fucking each other.”

“Chief, I don’t want to fuck Connor and then go to work the next day. That would bother me. No, I think the other way is better. Okay?”

“All right, you win,” Blair said laughing as he kissed his main man. “You going to tell them soon or make them sweat it out?”

“First, I need to talk to you about a few things. I’m serious here, no kidding around.”

Blair looked at Jim in the sudden serious tone Jim had taken on. “I’m listening, tough guy. Shoot.”

“Chief, I need you to swear to me that you’re going to stay with me. You won’t be leaving me for someone else a year from now or two years from now. I want you to be with me always.”

“Jim, I’m really sorry for what I put you through but I truly believe that things will work out just fine. We’ll be together forever. We’ll be daddies. We’ll be happy. Jesus, this is like a fucking fairy tale.”

“Is there something wrong with a fucking fairy tale, Chief?

 

“Nope, not a thing. I love fairy tales and love the idea of playing the lead character in one. I love you, Jim. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Have you ever thought about having a child before now, Chief?”

“No because I never loved anyone enough to have one with. This is the closest thing we’re going to get.”

“We’ll have to tell them that we get partial custody. I don’t mean, they spend four days there and three here and screw up their lives. I mean they’ll be spending weekends whenever they can. Sometimes during the week when Megan and Mel have to go to work on something. I’m getting excited, Chief. Really excited.”

“Good, I’m glad. I’m excited too. Should we call them right now?”

“Yeah, we should. You know how nervous they were. This will calm them down and we can make some plans from there.”

Blair picked up the phone and called Megan. “Megan?”

“Hi, Sandy, what're you doing? You’re supposed to be sleeping and taking the day off. Simon told us that this morning.”

“Well, do you want our answer or not? I could wait until next week or something.” Blair said laughing softly. 

“No, sorry, mate. What’s the answer?”

“We decided that the two of you would make wonderful parents and we’d love to be the fathers.”

“Oh god, Sandy, you have no idea what this means to us.”

Blair could tell that Connor was on the verge of tears and decided he’d make a joke. “Jim said he wants to fuck you up close and personal.” 

Connor was taking a drink of her coffee and spit it all over her monitor. Jim grabbed the phone from Blair and said, “Connor, I never said that. I said what we discussed sounded like the best way to us.”

“Jim, I’d like to carry yours if that’s all right with you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. We’ll have some things to discuss first. Did you want me to still look into the loft next door for the two of you?”

“Yeah, that would be great, Jim. My god, I have to go and hunt down Mel now and tell her the good news. We figured last night that the look on both of your faces wasn’t a good look. I have to go. I need to find Mel. Thanks, Jim.”

As Jim hung up the phone he was laughing. “She’s really excited, Chief. She’s going to hunt down Mel and tell her face-to-face. She said that they thought we’d say no.”

“Okay, Jim, I’ve been really patient. I want to know about Simon now. Are you going to keep putting it off or what?”

“No, I’m going to tell you now but I want to eat something first. I’m starving.” Jim said as he got out of bed and led Blair down the stairs to find some food. As Jim was making scrambled eggs, Blair had his hands around his naked lover and kissed and fondled him to his heart's content. “Chief, if you want breakfast on you, keep it up. I can’t cook and get turned on at the same time. I’m not that talented.”

Blair laughed as he pulled away and set the table for their breakfast. Once all the food was on the table, Jim looked at Blair and said, “Now this is going to be hard, Chief. I don’t know where to start.”

“Start at the beginning. That’s always a good place to start. 

“All right, I’ll start at the beginning. You know how Simon said he didn’t understand us and how we feel about each other? Well, he lied.”

“Really? Why?” Blair asked. 

“He's had feelings for me for awhile and didn’t know what to do with them. He’s at that age where he just figured it was a mid-life crisis or something. He never thought the feelings and thoughts would stay with him but they did. After about six months he knew that he’d have to do something. He didn’t have enough nerve to talk to me about it. He actually had no where to go to.”

“Then he noticed that you and I seemed closer and suddenly he figured out that he was too fucking late. He’s never been with a guy and is scared to death. He had really hoped that his first time would be with his friend. Then he finds out that said friend's in a relationship with his partner.”

“Man, this is like out of the twilight zone.”

“I like to think of it as the Sandburg-Ellison zone, Chief,” Jim said laughing. 

“Actually, it’s not that funny, is it? I bet Simon's really confused.”

“No, not that funny. Especially to Simon, Chief. He’s very serious. He doesn’t know where to go from here.”

“Okay, so get back to this...why was he looking at me so odd? Now that I think about it, why were you looking at me that odd?”

Jim cleared the table off, started filling the sink with water, and said, “Because he asked me for a favor. I didn’t know what to say about it.”

“Man, you are so not going to sleep with him, Jim. God damn it. I hate you sometimes. Remember we don’t share each other?” 

Blair rushed up the stairs and was pacing in the bedroom. Jim followed him up and he said, “Okay, this is what he asked. First, he would like to have me fuck him because he’s afraid for it to be someone that isn’t a friend the first time. Next, he said if I couldn’t do that he’d like to watch you and I when we make love to see if it turns him on. But I had a few other idea’s.”

Jim looked over at his love and saw that he'd stopped pacing but still was not talking. This wasn’t a good sign.

“What did you tell him, Jim?”

“What do you think I told him? I told him I had to talk to you first. I also told him that I have this thing about being faithful. This goes against being faithful. The fucking part. I truly believe that Simon's just confused. We could find some great first time video’s and books for him to read. What do you think, Chief?”

“I think that there has to be a pod somewhere. I want my Jim back and now.”

“Hey, I can be sensitive,” Jim said laughing. 

“Okay, I know where to get the books and the video’s. They would be a great help to him. Do you want me to talk to him, too?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, Chief, I’d love it if you’d talk to him. He feels very foolish and thinks he’s going insane, too.”

“I’ll talk to him tonight. In fact, do you want me to ask him over?”

“Yeah, that would be a good idea,” Jim said pulling Blair into his arms. 

Picking the phone up Blair called Simon and heard him answer, “Banks.”

“Hey, Simon. We were wondering if you wanted to come to dinner tonight.”

“Sandburg, I have a date tonight. Can’t make it, sorry,” Simon said. 

“Simon, we both know that you don’t have a date. Yes, Jim told me but I wanted to talk to you about it face to face.”

“Sandburg, why aren’t you and Jim sleeping? He said you hadn’t slept. That’s why I gave you the day off.”

“Simon, calm down. First things first, we’d like to see you for dinner. What do you say about that? Next, we’d like to discuss some of the things with you that you’re worried about. There's no reason to worry.”

“Fine, Sandburg, what time?” Simon growled. 

“We’ll see you at 7:00 tonight. We’ll sleep a little this afternoon and make dinner when we get up. See you tonight, Simon. Bye.”

As Blair hung up the phone he said, “Jim, I’m going to go shopping for those things for Simon. I think he’ll need them as soon as possible. You go ahead and nap and when I get home I’ll crawl in bed with you.”

“Okay, Chief. Are you sure you don’t want company?”

“Yeah, man. You get some rest. I’ll see you later on. Go to bed,” Blair said kissing him goodbye as he left the loft. 

Blair went to the store that he knew of that sold only the best things in the world for someone that's confused. No one would know better about this than Blair Sandburg. As he was shopping the owner came over and said, “Blair, is there something I missed here?”

Laughing, Blair said, “Very funny, Jeremy. We have a friend that's older and is having thoughts of being with a man. Well, hell, he needs some help and I know that I can get the best visual aids here. So I’m back.”

“That’s a very kind thing to say, Blair. Thank you.”

“I know you saved my sanity more than once. I’m hoping that it’ll be just what he needs, too.”

Blair handed the purchases to Jeremy, looked up at him, and saw the nice man who never seemed to be with anyone. “Hey, Jeremy, why haven’t I ever met your SO?”

Ringing the things up, Jeremy said, “Well, I can’t seem to find anyone that appreciates me as much as you do.”

“Man, how would you like to meet a friend of ours after he reads and watches all of this?” Blair asked smiling big time. 

“I would love to. Any friend of you and Jim’s is an automatic friend of mine. I only ask one thing. I like my men over six feet. When you’re 6’8” it makes for a problem to date shorter men.”

“Well, he’s 6’4”. Not that he’d be happy about me setting up dates for him but I know you’d like him a lot. I’ll let you know how it goes,” Blair said. 

“I’m sure I’ll love him as much as you do, Blair. You’re a good friend to be doing all this for him,” Jeremy said. 

“Actually, Jeremy, he has a thing for Jim so I wasn’t that nice. I want to kick his ass but I figure as he sees us together more he’ll get over that. It’s still new to all of us.”

“My but you're cute when jealous, my love. Now here are your things. Go home to your big Jim Ellison and fuck him senseless,” Jeremy said. 

“It’s too late, Jeremy,” Blair said laughing as he walked to the front door of the store. 

Jeremy laughed hard hearing this and said, “See you soon, Blair. Take care.”

“Thanks, Jeremy. We’ll see you soon.”

Blair walked to his car and felt good about life in general. He couldn’t wait to have Simon watch these things. Gay men that were truly in love very tastefully did them. They had been lifesavers for Jim and Blair. The drive home to the loft was quick and Blair couldn’t wait to get in bed with Jim. Not for sex, but just to lay with him. He loved being in Jim’s arms. That man could make anyone feel good. Not that he’d better be making anyone else feel good. Blair was very jealous and Jim knew that much. 

As Blair climbed the stairs, his smile was getting wider and wider. God, how he loved Jim and wanted to be in his arms soon. Once inside the loft, he tossed his things and climbed the stairs. Once he got to the top Jim said, “I’m awake. Get your lovely ass over here, Chief.”

Smiling, Blair stripped quickly and climbed into the bed with his lover. Jim was waiting with a big smile on his face and a hard on that was enough to make Blair instantly hard, too. Cuddling with Jim was also one of his favorite things to do. Ellison body heaters were fantastic. Blair started kissing him on his lips and worked his way slowly down Jim’s body. Jim was moaning with pleasure letting Blair know how much he really loved everything he did to and for him. Blair had wanted to tongue fuck him all day long so decided that he’d try that and see if that calmed this tense man down. 

Once he got to Jim’s cock, he was licking and sucking until Jim said, “Chief, I’m right there. I have to stop or it will all be over.”

Blair pushed Jim’s legs apart more and slid between them as he started kissing the insides of his thighs. Jim was moaning but now he was actually calmer without Blair’s mouth on his cock. Blair didn’t want Jim coming that soon. That wouldn’t be nice. He started licking Jim’s balls and Jim about jumped off the bed. Blair slid a pillow under Jim’s ass and pushed his thighs open further. Once he saw what he wanted to he started licking his way down to the Promised Land. 

When Blair got to Jim’s sweet pucker, Jim said, “Blair, no, I’ll come right now.” Blair didn’t listen to him for a moment. He kept running his tongue over the opening, never going in, just teasing him repeatedly. 

Once Jim started to move his ass in time with the licks, Blair started pushing his tongue into Jim’s opening. “Chief…”

Blair pulled back and said, “Want me to stop?” Jim looked at him with hooded eyelids and said, “No.” Blair realized that was the sexiest thing Jim could ever say or do.

Getting back to business, Blair slid his tongue in and started pushing it in further and further. Each time he would thrust Jim was meeting his thrusts with his own. Jim’s ass was being pushed up to meet Blair’s tongue every time. Blair pulled his tongue out and said, “Talk to me, Jim.” Then he went back to what he was doing and Jim said, “Talk?”

Blair didn’t answer but didn’t push his tongue any harder waiting for Jim to do something for him. “Chief, I love what you’re doing right now. I’m right on the edge. I’m so close that you probably can tell by how my balls feel. I don’t want to come yet. This is too great to stop. I want to go on awhile.”

Blair pushed his tongue in for three strokes and Jim said, “Oh shit, Chief. God, this is good. Baby, I need you to do it harder. Do it faster. Please?”

Blair loved the begging man lying in front of him. Therefore, Blair did what Jim wanted him to. He started tongue fucking him harder and faster. Jim reached down and grabbed his cock to stroke it but Blair pushed his hand away. “Chief, I need some help here. I’m right there. I need to come. Baby, please let me come.”

Blair finally pulled his tongue out and grabbed the lube for his fingers. Jim was still thrashing around and moaning. Blair knew that Jim was close. Oh, how Blair loved having him this near the edge. 

He started fucking Jim with his fingers, one at a time. Again, Jim was meeting Blair’s every move with his ass being pushed against the fingers being pressed into him. When Blair rubbed against Jim’s prostate, Jim howled and said, “Chief, please let me come.”

Blair took Jim’s cock into his mouth and started sucking slowly at first and then built up momentum until Jim could hardly breathe anymore. By this time, Blair had three fingers in and Jim was fucking himself on those said fingers. “Chief, touch the nub again, I’m right there, please?”

Blair started rubbing across the prostate and Jim was getting wilder and wilder and said, “Blair, suck me now. Don’t stop now. I’m right there. Please, Blair.”

This was just about enough to do Blair in. A begging Jim was very hot to see, feel and hear. Blair was close too. Flipping around, he said, “Suck me too, baby.”

Jim greedily took Blair into his mouth and Blair was close, Jim could tell. Jim grabbed the lube to do some finger fucking for Blair when Blair started sucking harder and harder on Jim’s cock. “Blair, I can’t hold on much longer, baby. Oh god, Chief, I’m right there.” Blair pushed Jim on his back, and got on top of him so that his cock was in Jim’s mouth and Jim’s was in his. They were both sucking like madmen and Jim knew he wasn’t going to make it, so he tried to suck Blair as hard and as good as he could to make him come closer with Jim. Then Jim felt the tensing up in Blair’s balls and knew that he was very close. Jim continued to suck that hard and Blair did the same. Jim couldn’t hold on any longer, he came with such force he thought he was going to lose something inside of him. Then he just lay back, relaxed, and opened his throat up for Blair to fuck it. Blair did just that. He fucked Jim’s mouth for about four thrusts and came into Jim’s hot, waiting mouth and throat. 

Blair finally moved off Jim and pulled him close to him as he flipped back around and held him for a while. They just lie there quiet taking in each other’s scents, sounds and love. Finally, Blair said, “No way is Simon not going to love this. How could you not fucking love this?”

“Are you saying we do all right in the bedroom?” Jim asked smiling. 

“Oh yeah, hot stuff. We do great in the bedroom. I love doing this. Jesus, do you suppose it’ll always be this fan-fucking-tastic?”

“I think that anything with you would be this fan-fucking-tastic,” Jim said pulling Blair in for a nap. 

“You sweet talker you.” Blair said smiling and yawning as he started to drift off. Blair heard a soft, “I love you, Blair.”

Blair was already asleep but he’d make it up to Jim when he woke up. They slept peacefully and uninterrupted for about five hours until the alarm woke them both up. 

“Shit, I have food to make. Let’s get up and get this show on the road.” Blair said as he got his things to get his shower taken. Then he looked over at Jim and went back to the bed and said, “I love you, Jim.”

“All right. Now I can get up and be happy. You didn’t tell me earlier,” Jim said pouting. 

“I’m sorry. You wore me out. What can I say?” Blair said laughing. 

They both got up this time and walked down the stairs for a shower. While in there, they talked about who would be making the dinner and who would be making the dessert. Blair got stuck with dinner but the dessert was a tough one, so Jim would probably trade him. 

They each took their turns shaving and got dressed. Once in the kitchen, Jim kept pulling Blair into his arms and telling him, “I love you, baby.”

“Jim, if you keep that up, I’m not going to get any cooking done, you hear that?” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jim said laughing. 

Before long, Blair could smell the wonderful odor of Spaghetti Sauce. Jim made good sauce. Just as planned as soon as Jim had found out how hard the dessert was to make, he’d given it to Blair and said, he’d make dinner. Blair loved when he knew what Jim would do. Jim always thought he had control. He had little, really. 

Jim had his recipe out that Sally had given him ages ago that Blair loved so much. 

 

_Ingredients: •1 can tomato juice (56 oz.) •1 can whole peeled tomatoes (28 oz.) •1 can tomato paste (5 1/2 oz.) •2 tbsp. oregano (dried) •3 cloves garlic, minced •2 bay leaves •3 basil leaves •salt & pepper to taste •chili pepper to taste •cooked meat Preparation: - Blend whole tomatoes until pureed. - Place in large sauce pan with tomato juice and tomato paste. - Add all spices including garlic. - Add cooked meat (see details below). - Bring to a boil. - Cover and simmer for about 1 hour. Stir occasionally. - Remove cover and cook between medium & simmer for another hour or until tomato is at the thick. Stir occasionally. - Remove meat from sauce (except for meat sauce) and place on a serving plate. - Pour sauce over your favorite cooked pasta. - Serve with grated parmesan or romano cheese and some will like it more spicy with chili pepper. Meat Variations: 1. Meat Sauce: Fry about 1 1/2 - 2 lbs. of ground beef or pork or combination of beef and pork. While cooking break meat up into small pieces with a wooden spoon. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. 2. Meat Balls: Cook meat balls - either fry, broil, microwave them. (recipe available on this site). Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. 3. Meat Loaf: Same ingredients as meat balls, except form 2 large loaves rather than balls. Cook meat loaf in the oven (recipe available on this site). Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. . 4. Italian Sausages: Cook sausages - either fry, broil, microwave them. Cut sausages into 2 1/2 inch lengths. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. 5. Beef: Cook blade roast - broil it until two-thirds cooked. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. 6. Pork: Cook pork roast - broil it until two-thirds cooked. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. . 7. Beef or Pork Bones: Cook bones - broil them. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add meat to sauce. You may also combine meats together. Example, add meat sauce and meat balls to sauce, or sausages and beef bones... Leftover sauce can be frozen in containers. _

Blair was making stuffed Cannoli, he had his recipe out and was following it to a T. He wanted these to be perfect. It was an important night for all three of the men. 

_Cannoli alla Siciliana  
Yield: 12 Servings_

_Shells:  
2 c All-purpose flour  
2 tb Shortening  
1 ts Sugar  
1/4 ts Salt  
3/4 c Wine, Marsala, Burgundy or Chablis  
Vegetable Oil  
Filling:  
3 c Ricotta  
1/2 c Confectioners sugar  
1/4 tsp Cinnamon or more to taste  
1/2 Square unsweetened Chocolate grated OR 1/2 tb Cocoa (both optional)  
1/2 ts Vanilla  
3 tb Citron peel, chopped  
3 tb Orange peel, candied,chopped  
6 glaced cherries, cut up_

_To make Cannoli shells it is necessary to have 3 or 4 metal tubes, preferably made from very light tin, about 7-inches long and 1 1/8 inches in diameter. The edges should not be soldered. (Old aluminum chairs cut up work great)  
SHELLS:  
Combine flour, shortening, sugar and salt, and wetting gradually with wine, knead together with fingers until rather hard dough or paste is formed. Form into ball, cover with cloth and let stand about 1 hour. Cut dough in half and roll half of dough into a thin sheet about 1/4 inch thick. Cut into 4 inch squares. Place a metal tube diagonally across each square from one point to another, wrapping dough around tube by overlapping the two points and sealing overlapping points with a little egg white. Meanwhile heat vegetable oil in large deep pan for deep frying. Drop one or two tubes at a time into hot oil. Fry gently until dough is a golden brown color. Remove from pan, let cool and gently remove shell from metal tube. Set shells aside to cool. Repeat procedure until all shells are made.   
FILLING:  
Mix ricotta thoroughly with sifted dry ingredients. Add vanilla and fruit peel. Mix and blend well. (A little grated pistachio may be added if desired). Chill in refrigerator before filling shells. Fill cold Cannoli shells; smooth filling evenly at each end of shell. Decorate each end with a piece of glaced cherry and sprinkle shells with confectioners sugar. Refrigerate until ready to serve.   
These are best if they are filled just before you company arrives._

As Blair finished up the Cannoli, Jim got the garlic bread ready to go. And together they made a nice Italian salad. Everything looked and smelled wonderful. Simon would no doubt be impressed. 

At 7:00, Jim got the garlic bread and put it in the over to broil. Blair looked at him and said, “Don’t you think we should wait for Simon, first?”

“He’s here. I heard him get on the elevator. Chief, can I try one of the cannoli?”

Smacking his hand away, Blair said, “No, they’re for dessert.”

“Geeze, you’re a selfish prick when it comes to Cannoli,” Jim said laughing. He walked to the front door and opened it before Simon had a chance to even think about knocking. “Hey, Jim, how're you tonight?” Simon said trying not to be nervous.

“Come on in, Simon. I’m doing great. We’re almost ready for dinner. Hungry?”

“Oh yeah, I’m starving. As soon as Blair said he was cooking I got hungry.” Simon said laughing at the face Jim was making. 

“I’ll have you know that I did the sauce and the garlic bread,” Jim growled. 

“I was teasing, Jim,” Simon said smiling. Turning towards Blair, he said, “Hey, Sandburg, how're you doing tonight?”

“I gotta tell ya, Simon, things could be better.” Blair said with head hanging down. Simon walked over to him and said, “I’m really sorry, Sandburg, I’ll never say or do anything towards Jim again. I just want you to know that.”

“Calm down man. I was joking and it wasn’t about that. I was talking about Jim making me make the Cannoli,” Blair said laughing. 

“Oh.” Simon managed to get out before he blushed. “The loft looks great and smells even better.”

“Thanks, Simon,” Blair said as he finished setting the table. Simon watched the two men working side by side like they’d been doing forever and wondered if he’d ever have anyone like this in his life. 

Jim pulled the garlic bread out long before it had a chance to burn. Simon smiled at him and said, “I’ve never had it not burn. That must be nice to be able to smell it before anyone else does.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty handy,” Jim said as he put the bread in the basket and put it on the table. 

Blair asked, “Anyone besides me going to eat?” 

Jim smiled and said, “I don’t think you’ll be alone.” They all sat down at the table and started with their salad’s and went from there to their spaghetti, the Italian Green Beans with sauce, and the garlic bread. 

As they all ate, Simon asked teasingly, “All right, I want to know how you two stay so fucking thin.” 

“Exercise, Simon. Exercise is the key to almost anything,” Jim said smiling back. 

Jim could tell Simon was blushing and realized he might not be ready for those type of jokes, so he said, “Is everything okay for everyone?”

“Yeah, Jim, it’s grea,” Blair said as well as he could with a mouth full of food. 

“Thanks, Chief,” Jim said, I’m glad you like it.”

“Jim, everything's wonderful. You did a wonderful job,” Simon said. 

“Can we tell Simon our news, Jim?” Blair asked hoping that Jim would tell Simon now. 

“Sure, you can tell him. Go ahead,” Jim said sitting back and relaxing while watching his love. 

“Well, I meant, you tell him. Not me,” Blair said with a look of panic on his face.

“Okay, I’ll tell him, Chief. Don’t freak out. Well, Simon, we’re going to be dad’s for Megan and Mel’s babies.”

Both men sat very quietly and waited for some type of reaction from their boss but none was forthcoming. 

Finally, Simon cleared his throat and said, “I’m happy for you. I’m sure you’ll both make excellent dad’s.”

“All right, Simon. What do you really think?” Jim asked. 

“Well, if you want the truth, Jim, I’ll give it to you. What if they decide to move to Australia or something?”

“Shit, Jim we didn’t think of that did we?” Blair said with a look of panic on his face. 

“Chief, settle down. First of all, both of you, we’re going to have a lot of things to discuss with both women before we do this.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it because I don’t want to see the two of you hurt in any way, Jim,” Simon said. 

“Thanks. We’ll be careful, Simon,” Jim said smiling at Blair. 

Jim got up and started clearing the table and said, “Simon, take your coffee and sit in the living room. We’ll be right out.”

Simon took his coffee, sat down on the sofa and watched the two men clean up the kitchen. It was like watching something that was practiced for years. _Well, actually it is, Banks. What are you thinking about?_ Then a big smile was on Simon’s face and Jim said, “What?”

“You just look so domesticated, both of you,” Simon said smiling. 

Once the kitchen was done, they walked into the living room and Blair sat by Simon and said, “Okay, Simon, are you up to this talk?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Simon said nervously. 

“Okay, first of all, let me tell you that I think you have wonderful taste in men if you were attracted to Jim,” Blair said and Jim blushed. 

“Blair, I promise, I’ll never say or do anything…” Blair cut Simon off before he could finish. “Simon, I know that. So stop saying it. I know we can trust you. Now sit back and listen to us.”

“Blair picked up some things for you today, Simon. They’re really good. There are three tapes by gay men that are in love. They’re not porn tapes, they’re done to help a man decide if he’s having feelings for a man or not. You’ll watch those and see if that does anything for you or to you. Then you can start studying the books he bought.”

“Simon, the books are wonderful. They answer all questions. They also include pictures and ideas of things to do for first timers. Jim and I used these same books.”

Simon looked over at Jim and then at Blair and said, “Thank you. That was really nice. I’m not sure I’ll ever watch the tapes though. I don’t have the nerve. I seem to have lost it.”

“Simon, you’ll take them home and watch them at your leisure. Knowing that Jim and I will be here if you need to ask any questions. Understood?”

“Thanks, guys,” Simon said not looking at them.

“If it makes you feel any better, we think you might like the tapes. So check them out and call us or come over. We’re you’re friends, we will always listen,” Jim said getting up and sitting on the arm of the sofa next to Simon. He laid his arm across the back of Simon’s shoulders and said, “It’ll be all right, Simon. Don’t worry so much.”

Then Blair gave him a hug too and Simon started to get up and said, “I need to go.”

“Man, you can’t go now. You didn’t have your cannoli. You have to have it with coffee. I’m making a fresh pot now. Sit down. We’ll talk about work, how's that?” Blair said laughing. 

“Very funny, Sandburg. I did want to tell you both what a good job you did on that rapist collar,” Simon said. 

“Thanks, Sir. We were a little surprised when it happened so quickly. The victim seems to be doing well, too,” Jim said. 

“Well, I’ll stay and have dessert and coffee since it’s already mad, Simon said sitting back down. 

The three men discussed the case and the evening flew by. At about midnight, Simon was leaving and turned to them both and said, “You’re the best friends a man could ever have. Thank you for being here for me.”

“You’re very welcome, Simon,” Jim said as he watched his boss walk to the elevator and Blair called out, “See you tomorrow, Simon.”

“Night, guys,” Simon said as he got on the elevator to go home. 

Jim turned to Blair and said, “All right, five seconds to get your ass upstairs, I’ve wanted you all night long. You belong to me.”

Blair didn’t wait one second. He was up those stairs before Jim was able to say, “hot damn.”

Jim was right behind him, smiling the entire way up. Yes, life was good. Tomorrow they’d have the meeting with the girls about babies. But right now, all he wanted was to be buried inside of Blair. 

Soon he was. 

!!!!!!!!!!

Blair got up the following morning and had a hard time getting out of bed. _Geeze, that damn Jim rode me hard and put me away wet._ Smiling, he walked down the stairs to get into the shower. Once he climbed in and started the hot water over his abused body, he felt better. Not that Jim would ever hurt him, but damn, he was warm for his form last night. 

“Chief,” Jim said quietly. 

Blair about jumped and fell in the shower. “Geeze, why not scare your lover to death, man?”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you but I’d like to be fucked and thought I’d come in there if that’s okay with you,” Jim said almost nervously. 

“Get your butt in here, Ellison. Since when do you have to ask? You know I love fucking you. All you gotta do is hint around and I’m there.”

“Thanks, Chief,” Jim said as he started kissing Blair. 

Blair started getting Jim ready with some lotion that was in the shower for who knew what? Blair asked him, “Jim, what’s going on? Why were you so hot for me last night and why do you want this so badly this morning?”

“Chief, can’t I just want you? Can't I want you to want me?” 

“Yeah, but you seem like there's something bothering you,” Blair said. 

“Would you fuck me first and then we’ll talk?” Jim asked. 

Blair pulled his fingers back and washed off, washed all the shampoo out of his hair and got out of the shower. 

“Chief, where you going?”

“Guess,” Blair called out as he stormed out of the bathroom. 

While getting dressed upstairs Jim walked up and sat naked on the bed and asked, “So what’s wrong, Blair? Sick of me already?”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Ellison. I hate you sometimes,” Blair said with tears in his eyes. 

“Why didn’t you want to fuck me then? Why did you leave me in the bathroom by myself?” Jim asked, seriously seeming to not see the problem there.

“Because you’re acting acutely different and I’m terrified, that’s why,” Blair said shaking. 

“Blair, I’m not different. I just wanted you badly last night. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, Jim. I need to talk to you. There's something going on here. You’re going to talk to me or we won’t be fucking for a long time,” Blair said adamantly. 

Blair went over shoved Jim back on the bed and said, “Talk...now.”

Blair went into Jim’s arms and felt Jim shaking. Blair knew it wasn’t because he was cold, either. He pulled in closer to Jim and Jim was holding on to him for dear life. 

“Blair, are you sure you want to be with me? Think about it for a day or two. I got the feeling that you were having second thoughts last night while we were in bed together. That’s why I went nuts and fucked you so hard. I’m really sorry about that.”

“Jim, where the hell's this coming from? Are you upset about becoming a dad? Is that where this started? Oh shit, I made that remark the other day about why don’t we do it the old fashioned way, is that it?”

“Part of it. You still want to fuck women when all I can think about is you,” Jim said sadly. 

“Good, that’s all I want you to think about. I didn’t want to fuck a woman, Jim. I just thought it might make things a little easier that way. But as soon as I saw how freaked out you got I realized that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“See, I’m so fucked up, everything upsets me. Why would you want to be with me?” Jim asked pitifully. 

The main reason would be the fact that I’m so in love with you that I can’t see straight. Pardon the pun.”

“You don’t want to be with any women?” Jim asked scared to death of the answer. 

“No, I don’t want to be with any woman. Ever. Now get up here and let me just hold on to you.” Blair said. 

Jim crawled as close to Blair as he could get and was practically on top of him before Blair said, “Now can I fuck you?”

“Oh yeah.” Jim said spreading his legs. 

“Jim, I don’t want to make you feel bad, but man, you’re a slut,” Blair said getting the lube out. 

There were no more words spoken by Jim and Blair, during the lovemaking. Blair wanted to keep focused on nothing but Jim. It worked; he fucked him well and good. Jim was even walking a little bit funny when they left the loft later that morning. 

!!!!!!!!!!

When they got to work late, Simon asked to talk to Blair in his office. Blair walked in and said, “Hey, Simon, how goes it?”

“Shut the door please, Sandburg,” Simon said. 

Shutting the door, Blair looked at Simon and said, “Nothing happened to my Mom, did it?” Jim knocked at the door, opened it, stuck his head in and said, “Chief, what’s wrong?”

“Jim just get in here,” Simon said losing his patience. “Sandburg, nothing's wrong with your Mom. Nothing's wrong with anyone.”

“Oh good. Why’d you want to see me then, Simon?” Blair asked. 

“I wanted to talk to you about a few things but I wanted to do it alone. When we’re all together it makes me nervous.” Simon said trying not to let his voice sound as shaky as it felt. 

“Hey, I can take a hint. I’ll be out doing our paperwork,” Jim said smiling as he walked out of Simon’s office. 

Blair sat down in front of Simon’s desk and said, “So? What’s up?”

“I watched the first video, the one you marked as the one to watch and I was up half the night from watching it. Then I watched it four more times. Sandburg, I’m pretty certain that I want to be with a guy.”

“Well, good, then you at least know that much. You’re one step ahead of most folks,” Blair said crossing his leg at his knee and sitting back in the chair. “Anything else?”

“Well, I need to know where to go to meet men. Jesus, this is so embarrassing,” Simon said with his head down. 

“Don’t be embarrassed. I have someone that wants to meet you. He’s tall and good-looking, Simon. He’d be really a good first time lover. Hell, he’d be a good anytime lover.”

“Really? Where do you know him from?” Simon asked. 

“He’s the one that sells the specialty tapes and books for gay men. He’s one of the nicest people I know.” 

“Maybe I could call him?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah, let me get his number really fast. You tell him who you are and where you know of him from and then he’ll know who you are. We talked about you the other day when I picked the tapes and books up.”

“Sandburg, thanks again for being so understanding about me wanting to be with Jim. I think it was more being scared than wanting him,” Simon said. 

“I’m glad to help, Simon. His name's Jeremy, by the way. He’s great.”

“Okay, I’ll give him a call this afternoon. If I can’t get the nerve up to go alone could we double the first time?”

Laughing, Blair said, “Simon, stop it right now. Jeremy's a cool guy. You’ll be very comfortable with him.”

“So the doubling up is out of the question?” Simon asked seriously. 

“Well, first ask him out for lunch. Nothing else, just lunch. Then you decide what you want to do from there,” Blair said as he started to get up for the number. 

“Are you getting the number, Sandburg?” Blair turned to Simon and said, “Yeah, give me about two minutes to find it. Cool your heels, Simon. You don’t want to appear too eager.”

“Right, right,” Simon said. 

“Simon, I was joking. You’re doing fine. I’ll be right back.” Blair went out to his desk, found Jeremy’s number and then wrote it on a paper and took it into Simon’s office and gave it to him. 

“Thanks, again, Sandburg,” Simon called out as Blair was leaving. “No problem, Simon. My pleasure.”

When Blair got to his desk, Jim said, “Oh, you’re going to pay for this big time, Chief.”

Laughing, Blair said, “Hey, he’s nervous, what can you do?”

“Giving out someone’s number?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah, Jeremy’s from the shop. You know him. That nice guy that sells the books and tapes.”

“Oh, he would be a good match for Simon,” Jim whispered into Blair’s space. 

“Let’s get some of this paperwork done.” Blair said

They got busy doing all of the paperwork for that case that was now closed for the rapist. Once they got it all typed up and done they took it into Simon’s office and gave it to him. 

As they were walking back out into the bullpen, Megan walked up and said, “Could you guy’s come over tonight for dinner?”

“Sure. Right Chief?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah, that would be good. We’ve got a lot of things to ask you before any decisions are made,” Blair said walking over to his desk. 

“Good because we have a lot of things to ask you guys, too.” Megan said. “Why don’t you get to the apartment at 6:00 or as soon as you get out of here. Whichever comes first?”

“Okay, I’ll call about the loft that’s for sale, too. I wrote down the number this morning,” Jim said sitting down and starting more paperwork. 

“Thanks, Jim. This is the amount we can spend so you have an idea of what we can afford,” Megan said. 

He picked up the phone and dialed the man that owned the building and said, “Hi, Harry, this is Jim Ellison in 307. Do you still have the loft for sale there?”

“Okay, well I just thought I’d ask. Thanks.” Jim hung up the phone and said, “He sold both units last week. He forgot to take the sign down. Sorry, Megan.”

We looked at a duplex. Ever considered moving, Jim and Blair?” Megan asked. “This place is great. It has a huge yard for the children to play in. Plus, it’s in a really nice area of town.”

Jim just frowned but Blair said, “Well, maybe you could tell us more about it tonight. We’ll discuss it then.”

“Okay, see you both tonight,” Megan called out as she walked back to her desk. 

“Chief, I’m not moving. I’m not fucking moving.”

“Jim, you’re the one that said you wanted the babies close to you. Not me,” Blair said trying to defend his position. 

“Fuck…” Jim said as he got up and walked down to the break room. 

Blair’s phone rang and he picked it up saying, “Sandburg.”

“Blair? This is William Ellison.” 

“Hi, Mr. Ellison. What’s going on?” Blair asked trying to think of why he was calling.

“I was wondering if you and Jim wanted to come over and have dinner tomorrow night.”

“Well, Mr. Ellison, let me have him call you back as soon as he gets to his desk.” Blair said panicking. 

“Okay, tell him to call me soon,” Mr. Ellison said. 

When Jim came back to his desk, Blair said, “Your dad called and wants you to call him right away. He didn’t seem really happy.”

“Tough. I don’t give a shit if he’s happy or not,” Jim said smiling at Blair.

He picked up the phone and called his dad. “Hi, Dad, it’s me.”

“Jimmy, thanks for calling back. Did Blair tell you I want you to come for dinner tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, he told me, but I’ve got plans all week long. We'll have to plan something next week, maybe. Why? What’s up?”

“Jimmy, I’ve been getting phone calls about you and Blair. I need to know that they’re not true,” William said. 

“Well, they are true. Deal with it, Dad. I gotta go. Bye.” Jim said hanging up the phone. 

“He doesn’t approve?” Blair asked. 

“I could tell he was embarrassed. He’ll get over it.” Jim said working on the next case. They both started working until it was time to go home for the day. 

“So partner, you ready to go to Mel’s for dinner?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Jim said heading for the elevator. 

Pulling Jim back to the desk he said, “What do you mean by that?”

“Mean by what?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah, I guess? What in the hell does that mean? You either want to go or you don’t,” Blair said losing his temper. 

“I’m sorry. My dad upset me today.”

“I know he did, Jim. We’ll talk about that tonight. Okay?” Blair asked. 

When they got in the truck, Jim reached over and buckled Blair’s seatbelt and that little sweet gesture made Blair forgive Jim for the snotty attitude upstairs. “I love you, Jim.”

Jim looked at Blair and smiled and said, “I love you too, Chief.”

They drove over to Megan and Mel’s place and got out of the truck. Walking up to the front door Jim said, “Chief, we don’t have to move, do we?”

“No, Jim, we don’t have to do anything.” 

Knocking on the front door, Megan opened it and asked them in. Jim could appreciate Mel’s cleaning habits. She was one clean woman. Everything had it’s place. He smiled when he looked around. “Sit down guys and I’ll get you a beer,” Megan said. 

Mel finally came out of the kitchen and said, “Hey, guys. Good to see you.” Walking over to them she kissed them both on their cheeks. 

Mel sat down and said, “Okay, first of all I went to see a lawyer today. I want this all to be legal. Now, this lawyer said that he thinks we should get married for insurance purposes but I told him that I didn’t think that was a good idea. Anyhow, he drew up these papers of custody and so on. You and Blair can look them over while I set the table and get things done up for dinner.”

Jim started reading the papers and he said, “Chief, we can have them any time we want to. We don’t have to pay child support, and they don’t have to either. They can’t leave the city or state without warning and our approval. They can’t leave the country for any reason unless we all went together.”

“So is that all you needed to get in writing?” Blair asked and Jim answered, “I think it’s more than I needed. This is really a good deal.”

When Mel and Megan came back into the room, Jim said, “Well, we could go ahead and have this notarized tomorrow if you have time.”

“We’re glad to hear you say that, but our neighbor is a notary. Do you mind doing it now?” Mel asked. 

“No, it says we have rights. That’s all I was worried about.” Jim said. “Blair, do you have any more questions?”

“There's nothing about holidays on there. Who gets them on holidays?” Blair asked. 

“I can type up another page and add that right now. What do you think is fair?” Mel asked. 

“Well, I think that we should trade off the holidays. I guess we could work that out later,” Blair said looking at his feet. 

Megan went and got the neighbor woman who had her notary stamp and they showed their ID’s to her and got all of the paperwork done. Once the woman went back home Mel made copies in her copy machine and gave them to Jim and Blair. 

“Dinner’s ready if you want to eat now,” Megan said.

They all made their way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. They talked about work, home and where they should all live during dinner. Jim said, “I really don’t want to move from the loft.”

“Jim, if I got a really good deal on something that would have a place for our children to play in the back you wouldn’t even consider it?”

“Yeah, maybe. We’d have to see the place and make a decision from there.” Jim said. 

Once dinner was done, they were all sitting in the living room and Megan said, “Jim, I don’t want to rush you but I’m ovulating right now. I was wondering if you’d like to start tonight.”

“I guess we could do that.” Jim said nervously. Mel got up and grabbed a sterile cup for Jim to put it in. She said, “All you do is put it in here and we take it from there.”

Blair said, “Come on, tough guy, I’ll help you.” Jim saw the big smile on his face and slugged his arm. 

Mel asked Blair if she could talk with him for a second. “We need a really sterile sample. So could you please wear the rubber gloves that are in there?”

“Sure, I guess,” Blair said, wishing they could do this the old fashioned way. Once they got into the bathroom Blair shut the door and Jim looked like he was going to puke or something. 

“Jim, let's take things really slow and easy. Acceptable?” Blair walked up to him and started to undress him. Jim said, “I don’t think I can get into this, Blair.”

Blair said, “Give me some time here, Jim.” He slid his hand into Jim’s shirt and started rubbing his nipples until they were hard then kissed him at the same time. Jim started getting hard. Blair slid Jim’s clothes off. Jim was standing there naked; Blair got on his knees and took Jim into his mouth. Jim pushed Blair away and said, “We’re supposed to give them a sterile sample.” 

“Fuck sterile.” Blair said. He got the lid off the container and started working Jim until Jim was almost there. He pulled away and said, “Jim, warn me when you’re going to come. Understood?” 

“Understood,” Jim said as he got closer and closer. “Blair, baby, I’m coming.”

Blair moved his mouth, put the cup there and milked Jim for all he had in him. When Jim was done Blair put the lid on and said, “I’ll be right back.” Blair walked out and gave it to Mel and said, "Here you go.”

“Thanks, Blair. Tell Jim thanks from Megan.” Mel said as she walked into their bedroom. 

When Blair walked back into the bathroom, Jim was still standing there naked. Blair started rubbing up against him and said, “Do you mind if I fuck you, big man?”

“No, I’d like that.” Jim got down on all fours and waited for Blair to do his thing. 

Mel, in the mean time, was taking care of business in the bedroom with Megan. Megan said, “Let's keep our fingers crossed.”

As they lay in bed together they could hear Jim and Blair fucking each other. “Yeah, I think we did a good job choosing those two. They truly love each other. It’ll be a good environment for the children to grow up in.”

“Mel, I want this to work so bad,” Megan said going further into her arms.

“If it doesn’t we’ll try again. Don’t worry now. I love you, Megan,” Mel said softly. 

When the guys came out of the bathroom Megan said, “Blair, Mel should be ovulating in about a week so can we call when that happens?”

“Sure, that will be fine.” Blair got up and hugged Megan and said, “I hope it takes.”

“Thanks, I do too,” Megan said and then she looked at Jim and said, “Thanks so much, Jim. I can’t begin to tell you how much this means to me.”

At about 10:00 they left and had a quiet drive home. Blair was busy in thought about being a dad. Jim was in a panic and didn’t even know why. 

The next three weeks flew by. Blair asked Mel once about her ovulation and she got a sad look on her face and said, “I missed my period this month. Maybe next month.”

“Oh okay,” Blair said, hugging her trying to make her feel better. 

Jim was walking down the hallway when he heard someone throwing up in the women’s restroom. He opened the door and said, “Megan? Is that you?”

He heard a moan come from a stall and he walked in and sure enough, it was Megan. Well, Jim knew someone who was pregnant. Jim smiled at her with happiness. He realized he wasn’t scared at all. He was happy and excited. 

“Congratulations, Megan. When do you see the doctor?” Jim asked. 

“Tomorrow. I can’t wait. I’m hoping he can tell me what to do for the nausea. I can’t work like this.”

“Can I tell Blair?” Jim asked. 

“No, let's wait till I see the doctor and then we’ll tell both of them at the same time. Do you want to go with me for this first one?”

“Sure, what time?” 

“It’s at 8:00 tomorrow morning. I’d really appreciate it.”

“Megan, I think you should take Mel with you, too. She’ll be hurt if you take only me.” Jim said. 

“You’re right. Okay, then bring Blair and tell him I think I am but I'm not sure yet,” Megan said. 

Jim walked out of the restroom once Megan was doing better. He went up to Blair and said, “Chief, do you have any breathing exercises for Megan for helping with nausea?”

“Hot damn, she’s pregnant? That’s wonderful. Congratulations, Jim,” Blair said smiling. 

“She’s pretty sick in the restroom. I was hoping that you had some ideas for her,” Jim said. 

“Oh yeah, I have a lot of ideas. I’ll write them all down. She’ll feel better in no time.” Blair said as he headed into the restroom to see Megan. 

“Hey, Megan. Congratulations. Jim’s excited. I’m excited, too. You’ll be excited once you stop puking.”

He handed her the paper and said, “Follow all of these instructions and you’ll feel a lot better each and every day. Try it, what could you lose?”

“Thank you, Sandy.” Megan said started to stand up. Glancing at the note, she saw all of the things she’d have to get. “Sandy, do you suppose you could pick the stuff up for me. I can’t even be around many smells these days or I throw up. Stores suck.”

“Sure, I’ll pick up all of the things you’ll need tonight and bring them over then,” Blair said as he walked out of the restroom. He was almost bouncing. Well, they were going to have a baby. If Megan was the only one to have one then so be it.

The day seemed to go by really fast. Jim and Blair were working a new case, a string of robberies. They’d have their hands full with that one. On the way home that night, they stopped by the health food store for all of the things that Blair had written down for Megan. Once they got it all, they went over to Megan and Mel’s apartment. 

Jim knocked on the door and Mel said, “We were just getting ready to call you. Guess who’s ovulating?”

“Well, since Megan isn’t it would be you?” Jim said laughing. 

Megan handed the little cup to Jim and said, “Wanna help Blair this time, Jim?”

“Sure. I always like helping,” Jim said laughing as he pushed his partner into the bathroom.

Jim got Blair hot and hard and started giving him a kick ass blow job. He pulled away and said, “Tell me when you’re ready to come.” Then he went back to sucking like a madman. Blair pushed Jim’s head in closer and closer to his cock. Blair really didn’t want him to move, and decided that he’d not tell Jim this time. It felt too fucking good. But Jim could not only feel, he could taste when Blair was coming, so he pulled away and put the cup there and he milked everything Blair had to give. “What was that about, Blair?” 

“I didn’t want you to stop. Could you do that again and this time not move?” Blair asked. 

“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll be right back,” Jim said laughing as he took the cup into Megan to use for Mel. “Thanks, Jim. Tell Blair thank you from Mel,” Megan said. 

Jim went into the bathroom and gave Blair a proper blowjob this time. Blair almost screamed when he came it felt so good. Blair pulled Jim up and said, “Want me to take care of you, Jim?”

“Too late, hot stuff. You make me so hot just doing you, I come from the smell alone,” Jim said smiling. 

They went home and made arrangements with Megan and Mel to meet them at the doctor's office. They both crawled into bed and slept like logs. Both men were exhausted. 

!!!!!!!!!!

Jim and Blair were about ten minutes late the next morning at the doctor's office, but Megan was still waiting there. She said, “Sandy, that stuff worked wonders, I haven’t thrown up since last night. I feel a lot better.”

The nurse called her in and Mel went in with her. Then the doctor called them into her office and said, “Well, gentlemen, it seems we have a winner here. She’s four weeks pregnant. She’s doing very well. I don’t really have much more to tell you. You’re all welcome to come when we do the ultrasounds. We do two of them during the pregnancy. 

Once they got out to the parking lot, Megan hugged both Jim and Blair and told them congratulations. “Where's Mel?” Jim asked. 

“She’s having a test done, where they can tell if she’s pregnant or not. They can tell after one night sometimes.” Megan said. 

Mel came walking out and said, “Guess who else is pregnant?” And she hugged Megan, Blair and Jim. They were a very happy foursome. 

Now they just had to tell everyone at the station. Family members would have to be told, too. Well, everything couldn’t be perfect. 

!!!!!!!!!!

When Jim and Blair got to the station, Simon asked, “You both want to have lunch on me today?”

“Hell yes, I never pass up free lunch,” Blair said laughing. 

“Everything all right, Sir?” Jim asked. 

“Everything’s great. I just wanted to tell you both some things and wanted to show my appreciation for helping me through all of this.” 

Blair bumped into Jim and said, “Told ya.” Both men smiled and Jim said, “We’ll go to lunch with you, Sir. We have some things to tell you, too.”

Jim was sitting at his desk talking to a victim of one of the robberies when his phone rang. He said, “Excuse me a moment, please. Ellison, can I help you?”

 

“Jim, this is Harry. I wanted to let you know that we still have one of the lofts open. One person’s loan didn’t go through. Still interested?”

“Oh yeah, Harry, can I talk to you about it later. I’m right in the middle of a case.”

“Okay, we’ll talk to you about it tonight. Goodbye.”

Hanging up the phone, a huge smile went on Ellison’s face. _Hot damn, we don’t have to move now._

Jim went back to filling out the paperwork for the robbery victim and had him sign everything. Before he knew it, lunchtime was there. Blair walked up to his desk and said, “Hey, you ready for lunch yet? I was out with Brown all morning and I’m starving.”

“Hey, Chief, glad to see you made it back. I’ll go and tell Simon we’re ready,” Jim said as he got up and walked into Simon’s office after knocking. He laid the paperwork on Simon’s desk and said, “Here's that robbery form that needed to be filled out. It’s finished. Ready for lunch or what?”

Smiling, Simon stood up and said, “Okay, I can take a hint. Let’s meet down at my car in about ten minutes. I have to finish a few things before we leave.”

“See you in ten, Simon,” Jim said as he walked out of the office. 

Megan walked up to Jim and said, “Ellison, could I talk to you for a moment? It’s really important.”

“Sure, where? But I only have ten minutes till lunch and I’m going with Simon and Blair.”

“How about the women’s restroom, no one will be in there. It’s important,” Megan said as she moved off down the hallway. 

By this time, Jim was getting nervous wondering if something happened to their child. Megan was scaring the shit out of him. Once they got there, he listened to see if anyone else was in there, but Megan was right, it was empty.

“Okay, Connor, what’s going on?”

“My folks are coming in two months, Jim. Will you marry me?”

“What? Will I marry you? Is that what you just said?”

“Yeah, Ellison, that’s what I said. My folks are very old fashioned and I was hoping that I could come up with something soon about how this baby came about, but now they’ll see me while I’m carrying it.”

“And you think marrying me will make them happy? We’ll live in two separate places, Megan. What the hell are you thinking?”

Then he looked over and saw the trembling lower lip and the tears starting down her cheeks. “Connor, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“Ellison, I need a name on the birth certificate and a way to stay in the states. Please, I would never bug you for anything else, you know that.”

“Let me talk to Blair about it first, all right, Connor?”

“Okay, I can live with that.” Megan said trying to calm down a little. Jim put his hand over her belly and told her, “Hold still, I want to see if I can sense this baby yet.” In a few moments, he had a big smile on his face. The baby’s heart is beating nice and strong. It’s wonderful. If you ever wonder if he or she is moving around enough, just ask me. Wait until I tell Blair that I can feel her.”

“Her? Jim, you can tell what it is?” Connor asked with a huge smile on her face, too. 

“No, I just said, her. Sorry. I’ll call the baby it from now on.”

“I like the idea of calling her a name. I was thinking of names last night and came up with a nice one. What do you think of Shannon?”

“I love the name Shannon. I had a Great-Uncle with that name. Then I had a girl cousin with this name, when I was young. I like it very much.”

“Don’t you think Shannon Ellison sounds nice?” Megan asked smiling. 

“You don’t think that it’s a bad thing having both names ending in on?” Jim asked. 

“Nope, I think it sounds perfect. Besides, I like the nickname of Shae for Shannon. If you wouldn’t mind.”

“What happens if it’s a boy?” Jim asked laughing. 

Then I’d like you to have a Jr. if you don’t mind,” Megan said shyly. 

“We’ll talk about this later. Let’s get out there, my partner's probably going nuts trying to figure out what happened to me,” Jim said walking out the door. 

Blair spotted him letting Jim see the instant relief spread on his face and this made Jim smile. 

“Sorry, Chief, Connor was having a crisis,” Jim said as he picked up his jacket and pushed Blair towards the elevator. 

Blair got a worried look on his face and said, “Is everything okay, Jim?”

“Yeah, she just needed to ask me a few things. We’ll talk about it at lunch. Not to worry, Chief. Everything’s fine.”

When they got down to the garage, Simon was puffing on a cigar but put it out as soon as they walked close to the car. 

“Simon, you really should stop smoking those,” Blair nagged. 

“Sandburg, I won’t smoke it when I’m around you, but I needed it today, okay?” Simon answered. 

“Geeze, what a fucking grouch,” Blair whispered and Jim started laughing. 

“Very funny, Sandburg, what are you whispering to Ellison?” 

“Nothing, Sir. Why would I want to do that?” Blair said laughing as he got into the back seat. 

Jim got into the front seat with Simon and said, “We’re dying to know what’s going on, Simon. So fill us in, will ya?”

“Well, I called him and asked him out for dinner last night. We met at a nice restaurant, ate a nice dinner, had nice conversation and then made a date for tonight. All in all it was very nice.”

“Wait a minute, you’ve used nice way too many times, Simon. What’s going on?” Blair asked. 

“He’s gorgeous to start with. Why didn’t you tell me how nice looking he was? Then there is the fact that he’s sexier than I could even hope to find in a man.” Simon said smiling.

“Well, glad that we could help,” Jim said. 

“We? We?” Blair asked incredulously.

Both men ignored Blair and Simon said, “You know him, right, Jim? Is he gorgeous or what?”

“Well, he’s not really my type, but yeah he’s nice looking,” Jim said. 

“Excuse me, are you both forgetting that it was ‘I’ that set this date up?” Blair asked. 

Again, both men ignored him as Simon asked, “Did you ever notice his eyes, Jim? Shit, he has sex appeal written all over him.”

Blair just sat there with his mouth hanging open when Jim said, “Now I do have to agree with you there. He’s got plenty of sex dripping from his body.” Both men started laughing. 

Blair got up from the table and left. He was pissed off. What the fuck was going on? His man was drooling over another man. This wasn’t going to happen. He walked back to the table and said, “Fuck you, Ellison. Get your ass outside where I can talk to you.”

“Chief, hold your voice down. Everyone's looking,” As soon as he got his sense back, he knew he had said the wrong things. Jim wasn’t at all prepared for the punch in the shoulder from Blair. Therefore, it not only hurt, but also knocked him on his ass. Then Blair walked out of the place, leaving a very distressed Simon and Jim. 

Jim caught up to Blair and said, “Chief, slow down, I want to talk to you. What’s going on? You’re the one that set the date up for him. You said to encourage him. That’s what I was doing.” 

“Jim, you were not encouraging him at all. You loved the idea of talking about another man with Simon. I hate you sometimes,” Blair blurted out. 

“Blair, stop, I need to talk to you,” Jim said as Blair finally stopped his non-stop moving. Jim turned him towards him and said, “Chief, I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. I don’t have a thing for Jeremy. I think he’s very handsome, but he’s no Blair Sandburg. I only want you. You’re all I ever want in my life.”

“Okay, let's say I’m buying this. Why did you and Simon exclude me from the conversation? Huh?” Blair asked waiting to see what Jim could come up with.

“Because we’re insensitive clods? Why else. We’re jerks, Blair. We were jerks yesterday and we’ll be jerks tomorrow. You have to put up with me because you love me,” Jim said. 

Smiling over at Jim, Blair said, “All right, we’re going back but you’ll pretend like I’m actually in the same room from now on. I want some of that attention, do you understand?” 

“Understood, Blair. I love you,” Jim said as he leaned down and kissed Blair right out in the open in front of people. Blair was taken aback with that, but loved it none-the-less.

When they got back to the restaurant, Simon was waiting patiently. “I’m so sorry, Sandburg. I keep forgetting that you’re not used to the way Jim and I talk sometimes.”

“Simon, I want to hear about this date. Then I want to hear about what else is happening. If you and Jim ever exclude me from the conversation again, Jim will be minus his equipment.”

Simon laughed as he said, “Fair enough, Sandburg. Well, the dinner went really well. He’s such a great guy. We talked about anything and everything. He happens to be a Big Brother once a week, so was glad to hear that I had Daryl. Now, that would mean I would have to tell Daryl and I don’t know if I want to.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not going to tell your son that you’re gay?” Jim asked.

“I get this from the man that would just as soon have no one know about anything in his life?” Simon asked smiling. 

“I don’t know, Simon. You missed the great kiss he just gave me out on the street,” Blair said quietly and smiling up at Jim. Jim leaned over and kissed him there in the restaurant. Simon noticed that no one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care one way or the other. 

“Well, it’s going to take me awhile to get used to this. Anyhow, Jeremy said we’re going to take things slow to start. We’re going out for dinner, then dessert and coffee at his place and then we’re just going to make out. His words, not mine.” Simon said started to feel just a little bit uncomfortable telling this to Jim and Blair. 

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” Blair said. “Are you going to take any supplies...just in case?”

“Jesus, Sandburg, I don’t want him to think I’m easy,” Simon said not looking Jim or Blair in the eyes.

“Simon,” Jim asked, “do you mind if I ask how long it’s been since you’ve been with anyone?”

“It’s been awhile but I don’t want him to think I’m easy,” Simon said again. 

“Simon, I think you’re being smart. That way you can just take this slow and maybe not get to the fucking part for another two or three weeks,” Blair whispered. 

“Shit, you’re trying to kill me, aren’t you? I wanted to do it last nigh,” Simon said trying to look everywhere but at his friends. 

“Simon, calm down and just take things as they come. If he wants to and you want to, do it,” Jim said. “You’ll be so fucking glad you did.”

“Well, before I forget, Blair, let me thank you again for introducing me to Jeremy. He’s everything I could want in a man,” Simon said finally looking at Blair. 

Blair beamed, as he said, “No problem, Simon. I knew you’d be perfect for him.”

“Well, we’ll see how things go when I talk to Daryl this weekend. I figured that I had to tell him. I just don’t know how,” Simon said nervously. 

“Hey, he knows about me and Jim. Why would this be any different?” Blair asked. 

“Duh. Chief, this is his dad,” Jim said laughing. 

They finished their lunch and Simon paid the check and they headed back to the station. Jim turned to Simon and said, “Simon, what would you do if I told you that Blair and I were going to be fathers?”

“What?” Simon asked staring at his detective as if he’d grown another head. 

“Well, Connor and Murdock wanted to have children, so I’m fathering Connor’s and Sandburg's fathering Murdock’s,” Jim said all in one big breath. 

“Jesus, what the hell were you guys thinking of when you came to this arrangement?”

“Simon, it’s going to be all right. It’s a good idea. We both love kids, so it’ll work out,” Blair said trying to calm things down before Jim got pissed. 

“Hell! I know you both love kids. You love Daryl but you don’t have to keep him,” Simon said. 

“Sir, with all due respect, we don’t have to keep these babies either. We’ll only have them on weekends and stuff like that.” Jim said trying not to get pissed off. 

“And Ellison, you think that will be enough for you? You won’t want to keep those babies any longer than on weekends?”

“I don’t know, Sir. We’ve never given it much thought, but it’s too late now. Both women are pregnant.” Jim said turning away from his boss and looking out the window. 

Blair sat in the back seat and could see the Ellison walls coming up. He was going to shut himself off to Simon and maybe Blair for a few days. God, Blair hated that. Finally, Blair said, “Simon, we’re really excited about it. We’re hoping that you’ll be there for us.”

“You know what? You’re right. I’m not being a very good friend at all. Just because my son’s life was a mess doesn’t mean that yours will have to be,” Simon said. “I’m sure you four will work things out a lot better than Joan and I did. I’m sorry, Jim. I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Yours either, Sandburg.”

“You didn’t hurt my feelings, Sir,” Jim said, but the damage might have been done as far as Blair could tell. Then Jim turned and looked at Blair. Blair gave him his best smile and whispered, “He’s trying, big man. Give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“I’m sorry for jumping down your throat, Simon,” Jim said trying to smile. 

When they drove into the garage, they all got out and Simon said, “Jim and Blair, congratulations to both of you. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you, Simon.” Blair said quickly and grabbed Jim and moved him towards the elevator. 

Once they were all in the elevator, Blair’s cell phone went off. He answered, “Sandburg.”

“Hey, Blair, it’s Jeremy. Wondered if you had seen Simon today.”

“Hey, yeah, I have, why?” 

“I think I might have found the one, Blair, and I’m not joking. He’s everything I’m looking for in a man.”

“Good, glad to hear it. Can I call you right back?” Blair asked.

“Sure, call me, I’m here at the store. You know the number. Thanks again, Blair.”

As Blair put his cell in his pocket Jim said, “Who was that, Chief?”

“Just a friend, man.” Then the door opened and Blair took off to his desk and Jim was following very closely behind him. 

“Okay, Chief, you wanna tell me who that was or do I have to get ugly?” Jim asked getting seriously pissed off. 

“It was Jeremy and hush.” Blair said. 

“Oh,” Jim said having the decency to blush. “Sorry, Chief. I get very jealous sometimes.”

“Jim, what did you want to ask me at lunch today anyhow?” Blair asked remembering suddenly about Megan. 

“Connor wants to get married.” Jim said with not much enthusiasm. 

“To you?” Blair asked. “What the fuck's happening here? I must have missed a step. Want to fill me in here, Jim?”

“Her folks are coming from Australia in two months and she can’t be pregnant without a husband. She asked if I would do it for that reason. What do you think?”

“I don’t care, Jim. As long as you don’t have to live with her, why should I care?” He said smiling at his love. 

“Well, that’s just it, Chief, when her folks are here, we’d have to have her at our place or I’d have to be at hers. So her folks believe it.”

“That makes sense. Well, it won’t bother me, it’s not like you’re going to get the hots for Megan, is it?”

“Ha ha, Sandburg. You’re really funny today,” Jim said sarcastically. 

“For insurance reasons alone I think it might not be a bad idea.” Blair said. 

“Then she said she has a name picked out for a girl and wanted to know what we thought of it. It’s Shannon.”

“Oh, I like that. Great name,” Blair said. “What if you have a boy?”

“She likes Jim Jr. However, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’ll have to give it some thought.”

“Jim, are you going to tell your family about any of our life?” Blair asked quietly. 

Trying to appear to be busy with the paperwork on his desk, he ignored Blair. “Jim, I know you heard me. Are you going to tell them or not?”

“We’ll think about it, Chief. When it’s get’s closer to the time of actually having them, I think my dad will come around easier. He’s not going to be happy finding out his son's gay. I already know that. Steven won’t mind but he won’t care about having babies around, either.”

“Jim, you make your family sound like they don’t care about you.”

“We’ll talk about it later on, okay, Chief?” Jim said standing up to go and make copies of his work. Blair knew that Jim didn’t want to discuss this at the station and he understood that. Blair got back to work and finished his reports. 

Jim sat at his desk pretending to do work while he thought about all that was going on right now. First he had to tell his dad and Steven about he and Blair. He wasn’t looking forward to that but he’d do it because he knew that keeping it from them hurt Blair. Secondly, they had to tell Naomi about them. That wasn’t going to be a good thing either. It was bad enough that Blair was now a cop. Now he was a cop’s lover. Not good. Wait till she found out about being a Gramma. This might be good. Jim found himself smiling a little. Next up would be telling Connor that he’d marry her. He wasn’t crazy about that idea at all. If she was married to him, it might make it easier to keep her in Cascade as the years went by. He realized he really wanted a child. Isn’t it funny how a person doesn’t even think about this all their life and then suddenly it hits them right between the eyes and makes you want one big time. He’d have to buy part of the Loft next door for the girls so that they’d be closer to him. He wanted to start work right away on homemade cribs for the babies. The office would now become a spare room for the babies. Oh yeah, the sound of that was better and better every time he thought about it. 

Jim stopped thinking and picked up the phone and called Connor’s number. She picked up four desks over and said, “Connor, may I help you?”

“Hey lady, wanna get married?” Jim asked laughing softly. 

“Jim? You mean it?” Connor asked. “You’re not just having one over on me are you?”

“Would I do that to the mother of my child?” Jim asked in all seriousness. 

“Thank you so much, Jim. When can we do this?”

“Well, I think we should have a small wedding with all of our friends and we can take pictures for your mom and dad. What do you think?”

Connor slammed the phone down and ran over to Jim’s desk and said, “Stand up, Ellison.”

Blair watched smiling, having heard what Jim had just said. Jim got up looking embarrassed and Connor wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips and said, “We have to make it look good, okay, Jim?”

“Sure.” Jim kissed her back and everyone in the bullpen started clapping. Simon walked out and said, “What’s going on here? Did everyone lose their work and need to be assigned to new work?”

“Sir, I just asked Connor to marry me and she said yes,” Jim said. 

Simon’s mouth dropped open, as well as Joel’s, Browns and Rafe’s. They all knew about Jim and Blair and wondered what in the hell was going on. 

Megan walked over to Blair’s desk and she said, “Sandy, do you want to help with the wedding arrangements? I don’t know the first thing about them.” 

“And you looked at me and said, Oh I bet he knows all about weddings?” Blair asked laughing very hard. 

“Well, you know more than I do. At least you’re from the states,” Connor said. 

“Okay, I’ll help. Don’t worry. You better call Mel and let her know what’s going on, Connor.” Blair said quietly to Megan, who said, “Thank you for reminding me. She’d be pissed if she heard from someone else.”

Connor kissed Blair on the cheek and then kissed Jim on the cheek too before leaving the room. She walked down to the break room and made the call to Mel. Mel was very pleased to hear that her love wouldn’t be leaving because of problems with her Australian papers. They talked awhile and then Megan went back out to the bullpen. 

Joel walked over to Megan and said, “Megan, this is nothing against you but why would Jim be marrying you when he’s with Blair?”

“Joel, don’t worry, he’s still with Blair. We’ll tell you all about this at poker night on Saturday,” Megan said smiling as she walked off. 

“Thank God, I was hoping that nothing happened. They’re the best thing for each other. Don’t you agree?” Joel asked hesitantly. 

“You bet. I love both of them. Jim’s just doing this as a favor, Joel. Not to worry, mate.”

Jim’s phone rang and it was William Ellison. “Hi, Dad. I was getting ready to call you.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“No, there's nothing wrong, but I wanted to tell you that I’m getting married in two weeks. Thought you might want to know,” Jim said casually. 

“What in the hell's going on, Jimmy?”

“I’ll tell you all about it later, Dad. I’m right in the middle of the squad room right now. Not the time or place.” Jim said quietly as he looked over to see what Blair was doing. Seeing Blair smile was his undoing. “Dad, could you come over tonight for dinner? I have to some things to tell you and Steven.”

“Yes, I can come. Do you want me to bring Steven, too?” William asked. 

“Yeah, Dad. That would be great. We’ll see you at 7:00 for dinner.” Jim said hanging up and asking Blair, “How do you feel about making dinner tonight?”

Laughing, Blair said, “Moot point now, isn’t it?”

They got their things ready and made their way to the truck for the drive home. Once inside the cab of the truck, Jim pulled over to the side of the street and parked and said, “Blair, I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Man, I love when you sweet talk me, baby.” Blair said moving closer to Jim. Jim then took Blair into his arms and kissed him passionately. 

Blair finally pulled away and said, “Okay, let's take this home. We can talk about it when we get there and make dinner second.”

Jim put his flashing light on the dash and flipped his siren on and took off making great time to the loft. 

Both men practically ran upstairs. As soon as they were inside the door they were undressing each other and running up the stairs to their bed. 

Jim kissed him hard and said, “I really do love you, baby.”

“I know you do, Jim. I love you back,” Blair said going in for more of that kissing. Jim pulled back from Blair and said, “Fuck…”

“Well, that's what we’re up here to do, Jim.”

“No, my dad's here. I hear him talking to a neighbor in the elevator.” Jim said angrily. 

“It’s okay, tough stuff, we’ll get dressed as fast we undressed. Hurry it up. Come on.” Blair said. 

They quickly dressed and went downstairs. Blair took some food out of the fridge to start for dinner. He guessed he’d be making dinner a lot sooner than they expected. 

Blair washed up and started making dinner while Jim paced in front of the balcony doors. He was pissed off. His dad wasn’t supposed to be there yet. Why was he there already? This stank of trouble. He knew that his dad wasn’t known for doing anything nice unannounced so it had to be something not so nice. Shit…

When he heard his dad walk up to the front door, Jim waited until the older man knocked before he opened it. As he stood aside for his father, Jim said, “Hi, Dad. What’s up?”

“Jimmy, let’s not start lying first thing. I know what’s going on and I wanted to talk some sense into you before you destroy your reputation.”

“Dad, let me tell you right now, if you upset Blair while you’re here I will never have you in our home again.” Jim said very quietly. Blair looked at them from the kitchen wondering what Jim was whispering about. Blair just knew that William was up to no good and it pissed him off. He knew that Jim would defend him to his death and he didn’t want that to happen. He wanted everyone to get along. Why couldn’t this happen? Why did everyone always have to make trouble? 

Still whispering, Jim leaned into his dad and said, “My reputation isn’t what you’re worried about. You could care less about mine. It’s your precious reputation that you’re so fucking worried about.”

“Jimmy, do not talk to me like that. I’m your father,” William said sternly, almost like he was in control of Jim. 

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child, Dad. I mean it, if you upset Blair, you’ll never come back,” Jim said as he went into the kitchen. 

William wasn’t one bit scared off by Jim and followed him in and said, “What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Sandburg?”

“Dad, I said to shut your mouth,” Jim said and walked out of the kitchen. 

Blair just stood there with his mouth opening and closing like a large fish. Finally, composing himself he said, “Mr. Ellison, please sit down and we’ll try and discuss this like adults.”

“I want to know what you did to my son that turned him into a fag,” William hollered across the room. 

Blair saw Jim coming towards his dad, knew Jim was going to punch him and stood in front of William. Blair shoved Jim out of the kitchen and then turned towards William and said, “Get out of our home. Right now. Your son was about to punch your lights out. What a nice thought for family gatherings.”

“This is my son’s home. Not yours, you fag,” William yelled into Blair’s face. Jim came around, grabbed his dad’s shirt and said, “Fuck you, Dad. Do you understand that? Now get the hell out of our home.” Jim shoved his dad out the front door and slammed the door shut. Blair looked at Jim breathing hard and said, “Well, that went really well.”

Jim glared at Blair and walked up the stairs. Blair heard Jim hit the bed with all of his weight. _Man, he’s hurt. Why didn’t I think before I said that last remark? Sandburg, you're such a fucking moron sometimes._

Blair walked up the stairs and sat on the edge of the bed. Jim’s back was to him. “Jim, I’m sorry for that last remark I said. It was cold, cruel and stupid. I love you and I don’t mean to hurt you.”

Jim turned towards Blair and Blair could see the unshed tears waiting in Jim’s eyes. Blair got onto the bed, pulled Jim into his arms and held on tight. He felt Jim start to tremble and started to rub Jim’s back. He didn’t say a word. Neither did Jim. This is how it went sometimes with Jim. Quiet was sometimes better. 

After about an hour, Blair started falling asleep with Jim still in his arms. Jim said, “Blair, let's get up and have some dinner. What do you say?”

“Yeah, that’ll be good. I have everything made. Just have to heat it up.”

“Thank you for keeping me from punching my dad. I can’t imagine anything worse than that happening to me.”

“Glad to do it, hot stuff. Now let’s go and eat,” Blair said as he leaned in and kissed Jim. Jim kissed him back even harder. Jim began moving over Blair and pressing into him. Blair was starting to moan with need and all of a sudden, Jim said, “Fuck…”

“Yeah, I want to, do it,” Blair said. 

“No, I mean, fuck, there's someone at the door,” Jim said. 

“Are we ever going to be allowed to fuck?” Blair asked as he got up and straightened his clothing. “I’m going to walk around all fucking night with a hard on.” Blair walked down the stairs saying this just loud enough for his sentinel to hear. Jim started smiling when he realized that Blair was as horny as he was, damn it anyhow. 

Jim got downstairs and opened up the door before Steven had a chance to knock. “Wow, what the hell did you do to Dad? He said he’s never coming up here again. He told me to tell you to go to hell and he never wanted to see you again. Whatever you did, maybe, I could do it too.” Steven said smiling. 

“Come on in, Steven. Are you going to stay for dinner or not?” Jim asked. 

“Well, yeah, I’m starving and I knew that Blair would be cooking, so I came that way.” 

“Very funny, little brother,” Jim said as he hugged Steven. Steven, sensing that Jim seemed to need this, just let him hold him tight. 

Once Jim let go, Steven walked into the kitchen, hugged Blair and said, “So, did I interrupt something just now?” 

Blair backed away from Steven with his face burning. Jim said, “What did you do?”

“Nothing, big bro, I was kidding with Blair, why?”

“Because I think Blair has taken as much as he can in one night from my family. Just to get this out in the open, Blair and I are seeing each other,” Jim said without taking a breath. 

“And?” Steven said. “What else?”

“No, that’s it. I just wanted you to know upfront that we’re sleeping together.” Jim said not looking at his brother but instead looking at Blair to see how he was. Blair’s heart rate had doubled since this conversation had started. 

“Like this is news, Jim. I thought you'd been sleeping together for a while now. I feel kind of dumb at this moment.” Steven said. 

Blair started laughing and said, “Thank you, Steven. You don’t know how much that means to us.”

“Hey, are we going to eat or what?” Steven asked. 

Jim walked up and hugged him tight and said, “I love you, Steven. Thank you.”

“Hey, Jimmy, you’re my big brother, I’m going to love you no matter what. In addition, I really like Blair. And I love his cooking.”

“Well, in that case, sit down. We have more to tell you during dinner.” Jim said. 

They all sat down to dinner and Jim and Blair went into the story of how they came to the point that they were going to be daddies. Steven said, “Holy shit. I’m going to be an Uncle twice in one year? That’s so great. Congratulations, Jimmy. You too, Blair.” He got up, gave each of them a hug and then sat back down to finish dinner. 

The dinner went very well. Blair and Steven cleaned up the kitchen while Jim just sat in the living room feeling sorry for himself. Steven looked over at Blair and said, “It’ll be all right, Blair. He’ll get over it in a few days. He’s always hurt from things Dad says or does. Then it goes away.”

“Excuse me...did you all forget that I can hear everything you can say?” Jim grumbled. 

Both Blair and Steven started laughing. Steven walked into the living room and said, “Jimmy, I have to go. I have an early meeting. So, I just wanted to say thank you again for having me. Keep me posted on everything.” Jim stood up and Steven hugged him very hard and held on for a long time. Jim let him. Jim needed it, too. 

“Thanks for coming, Stevie. I love you little brother and you come by now and then and see us,” Jim said. Blair walked up to Steven and hugged him and said, “Thanks for coming, Steven. Call me for lunch in the next couple of weeks. Jim and I would love to see you more often.”

“Thanks, Blair. I’ll see you both in a couple of weeks. Take care,” Steven said as he walked out of the loft. 

Jim walked to the balcony and saw his dad down in the parking lot. Jim put his forehead against the window and just stood there. Blair walked over and said, “What’s going on, hot stuff?”

My dad's still sitting in his car. Steven just walked past him. He didn’t even notice that he was still there. What does he want, Blair?”

“He wants his son to come back to him the way he thought he was but he can’t have that, so now he doesn’t know what to do.”

“What do you suggest? Should I just leave him in the parking lot all night long?”

“Hell, no, I want sex sometime tonight. With our luck we’d just get started and he’d come to the door,” Blair said laughing. “Go down, get him and ask him to come upstairs for a nice calm talk.”

“I love you, baby,” Jim said kissing Blair quickly as he made his way downstairs to get his dad. 

Before long, Jim came walking through the doorway with a very miserable William Ellison. Blair had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. It was almost cute the way he was following Jim around the loft. 

Jim said, “Blair, come and sit down. We’re going to talk to Dad now.” 

Blair went in and sat down across the room and Jim said, “Blair, what the fuck are you doing over there?”

Blair smiled, putting his hair behind his ear, and blushed. He got up and moved next to Jim and sat down. Jim took his hand in his larger one and held on for dear life. Blair realized right then that Jim was scared. He was scared of what his dad thought. _Shit, will wonders never cease?_

Jim and Blair talked to William, telling them all about them, well, not everything, but pretty close. Then Jim told him that he was going to be a grandfather. William beamed and said, “You’re adopting?”

“No, we have two women friends that both wanted children so we’re going to do it together.” Jim answered. 

“Things sure have changed since I was young. Whatever makes you happy, Jimmy? I’m truly sorry for what I said before. I was just shocked,” William said apologetically. 

“Blair makes me happy, Dad. You’ll get used to it as time goes on,” Jim said. 

“William, would you like some dinner? I have plenty and it was pretty good,” Blair asked. 

“I wouldn’t mind at all. I’m quite hungry. Thank you, Blair.”

“You’re very welcome, Sir. Now come on into the kitchen and we’ll get you something,” Blair said walking into the kitchen and pulling things out of the refrigerator. 

William sat down at the kitchen table and Jim sat next to him and said, “Dad, it’s okay if you don’t understand. I can see where you’re coming from. Just don’t call Blair names, ever again.” William pulled Jim into his arms and held on tight. He had never held Jim this hard before and for a moment, it scared Jim. He thought something else was wrong. Then he realized that his dad was just trying to be a dad. “Jimmy, I hope you’ll let me come and see you and Blair now and then. I would also love to see the babies when they’re born.”

“Dad, I’d love you to come by now and then. And we’d love the babies to have all of their grandparents around,” Jim said. 

Blair brought over a plate of food and set it down in front of William. The older man looked up at Blair and smiled and said, “Steven is right. You are a good cook.”

“Well, William, you better taste it first,” Blair said laughing. 

The three men talked for the next hour and then William left to go home. Jim walked his dad down to his car, since it was so late. Then he locked up the loft and got ready for bed. When he got upstairs, Blair was waiting on the bed, naked. Jim licked his lips and started tearing his clothing off as fast as he could. 

He was on the bed and Blair said, “Lay back, big man, I’m going to take care of you tonight.” And take care of him he did. He started at Jim’s neck and moved down slowly, very slowly, licking and sucking his way down to one of Jim’s favorite parts. The navel seemed to be ultra sensitive to Jim. Blair licked around it until Jim was pushing his stomach up to meet Blair’s tongue. He then spread Jim’s legs as far as he could and started kissing the insides of his thighs. This always made Jim nuts. Blair made it to Jim’s wonderful cock. Jim had one of the most fantastic cocks that had ever been put on a man. Not that Blair would know from experience but he’d seen quite a few in showers in school, college and at the PD. Jim’s was the most gorgeous cock he’d even seen. 

Taking it into his mouth, Jim said, “Blair, I’m not going to be able to hold on long.” Blair started sucking hard on the cock until Jim was moaning so loudly that it was almost funny. Jim wasn’t normally quite this loud, making Blair all the harder while he was doing this. Jim said, “Blair, please fuck me. Now.”

Blair got the lube and the condoms out and Jim said, “Fuck me now.”

“Jim, you know better than that. We have to get you ready. And get him ready Blair did. Smiling the entire time. When Jim was ready, he pushed into him and Jim howled and said, “Hit the spot, Chief, I’m ready to come. Please?”

Blair readjusted himself and hit Jim’s prostate four times in a row, very hard and Jim screamed out, “Blair” as he came intensely. Blair couldn’t hold on long, either. He followed Jim right over the edge and said, “I love you, Jim.”

The two men lay there just getting their breathing back to normal and Jim said, “Chief, I love you so much. I can’t begin to tell you.”

Blair got the wipes and cleaned them both up and they crawled into each other’s arms and started falling asleep, when the phone rang. Jim growled, “There is no god,” as he picked up the telephone and said, “Ellison.”

“Hey, Jim.” Simon said. 

“Simon, what're you calling me in the middle of the night for? I thought I was off for a few more hours?”

“Jim, I needed someone to talk to,” Jim heard the catch in Simon’s voice and said, “Simon, what’s wrong?”

“Jim, I don’t think I can do this. He’s here, he’s being nothing but patient but I don’t think I can do it.” 

“Well, then don’t, Simon. If he’s patient, he’ll wait until you’re ready,” Jim said seriously. 

Blair grabbed the phone from Jim and said, “Simon, this is Blair. What’s the problem?”

“I’m having second thoughts about this,” Simon said sounding scared. 

“Simon, do you love blowjobs?”

“Of course I love them, who wouldn’t. Mind you, I’ve not had many in my life. I never got them from Joan. Why?”

“Because Jeremy just looks like the type to give one hell of a blow job. I’d let him suck on me in a minute.” Jim smacked Blair on the ass when he said that. Blair smiled at Jim and whispered, “hang on.”

“Sandburg, I’ve never been with a man before.”

“Simon, that’s why you should let him take the lead. He won’t hurt you. He’s a good man.”

“Okay, I guess I better get back in there, he’s probably wondering where I am.”

“Simon, he knows you’re freaking I’m sure. Go in there and tell him just to hold you tonight. He will.”

“God, I hate this. This morning I wanted it bad and now I’m being a chicken shit,” Simon said. The phone was grabbed from Simon and Jeremy said, “Blair? This is Jeremy. Simon doesn’t need to talk to you anymore, I’ll take good care of him. I know he’s afraid and we’ll go slowly tonight. Talk to you soon. Bye.” Hanging up the phone, the lovely man walked up to Simon and said, “Simon, you never have to call Blair because you’re scared. I’m here. I’ll listen.” Simon looked at this gorgeous man and wondered how in the hell he’d gotten that fucking lucky. Jeremy was a Native American, in perfect shape, a lot like Jim, high cheekbones that anyone would kill for and the most gorgeous long black hair. So thick and straight, that Simon couldn’t help it. He reached up and touched his hair and Jeremy went into Simon’s arms. They began to kiss and Simon was a goner. Before long they were in the bedroom and Simon wasn’t even thinking about calling Jim or Blair for anything. _Blair was right, Jeremy could suck cock like a maniac. Blair would be getting some candy or something._

Jim and Blair fell asleep later on and slept until when the alarm went off. Jim pulled Blair closer to him and said, “Morning, Chief.”

“Morning, Jim. I love you.”

“I love you back, baby. Race you to the shower?”

Both men lunged out of bed and made a dash for the stairs running like kids. Jim took Blair into his arms and cuddled with him for a few moments. “God, I love this Chief. What did I do before you came along?”

“Fuck yourself?” Blair said as he made a dash down the stairs and flew into the bathroom for first dibs on the shower. Blair could hear Jim laughing from down in the bathroom. He loved when Jim laughed loud and hard. God, he loved that man so much. 

After the morning shower and breakfast, they got into the truck and Jim said, “I think we should stop by and see if Simon survived. What do you think?” 

“Man, that is like so evil. Let's do it,” Blair said laughing. 

Jim started the truck and took off for Simon’s house. Once there, they got out and walked up to the door and Jim rang the doorbell repeatedly. Blair said, “Jim, you’re a butt head you know that, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m your butthead,” Jim said smiling. A half naked Jeremy opened the door. Both men stood with their mouths open when they saw Jeremy. 

“Gentlemen, didn’t anyone ever tell you that it’s not polite to stare?” Jeremy asked smiling. 

“Where’s Simon?” Jim said as he walked right in. 

“He’s in bed where I’d like him to stay. He’s out cold,” Jeremy answered, getting a little pissed off. 

“Jim, what are you doing?” Blair asked. 

“We don’t know if Simon is even all right,” Jim said angrily. Then they all turned when Simon said, “Jim, as you can see I’m fine.”

The man not only looked fine but he looked fucking fine. Blair smiled and said, “Hey, Simon. We just came by to check on you. The phone call last night scared us. We had to make sure you were all right.”

Simon laughed and said, “I’m fine and Jeremy was very good about being patient last night.” He walked over and kissed Jeremy soundly and said, “Come on back to bed. They’ll leave if we leave the room.”

Jeremy started laughing his head off and said, “Bye, gentlemen. We’ll see ya later.” As they walked into the bedroom, Simon had his hand on Jeremy’s ass. 

“Wow, did you see that Jim?” Blair asked bouncing. 

“Yeah, Chief, I think if anyone could see it, it would be me, don’t you?” Jim growled as he started out to the truck. 

“All right stop right now. What the fuck happened to my partner. You had better not tell me that you’re jealous or I’ll kick your ass. Do you get my drift?”

“I’m not jealous. I just think maybe he rushed into it. He should have waited a little longer.” 

“Jim, are you sorry we rushed into it?” Blair asked almost scared to hear the answer. 

“Nah. I love being with you, Blair. You know that. I’m just scared for Simon. I don’t know Jeremy like you do. Once I know him better, it’ll be easier.”

“Okay, that’s more like it. Now get that sweet ass in the truck and drive me to work,” Blair bossed. 

“You like being the big man, don’t you? Top dog more or less?” Jim asked laughing. 

“Oh yeah, Jim, I do,” Blair said laughing along with Jim. 

“Chief, we’re going to have poker night at our place on Saturday. Is that fine with you?”

“Yeah, I was telling Connor that we’d tell all of our friends that night about our big news,” Blair said happily. 

“Do you mind helping me cook and shop for the night. I figured we’d celebrate while we were at it.”

“Oh yeah, we’ll be telling everyone about you and Megan getting married.” Blair started laughing. 

Jim said, “You know, Chief, I’m having second thoughts about that.”

“What do you mean, you already told her you would,” Blair said looking at Jim like he’d lost his mind. 

“I know, but you know how I told you I have this thing about being faithful? Well, that goes against it. I can’t be faithful to you if I get married to Connor. I’ll talk to her today.” 

“Okay, but I don’t want to be there in case she starts crying,” Blair said seriously. 

“Shit, you think she’ll cry?”

“I don’t know, man. I don’t know what she does when someone takes back their proposal for marriage.”

“Thanks, Chief. You’re so good about standing behind me,” Jim said glaring at his mate. 

When they walked into the bullpen, Connor grabbed a hold of Blair and Jim and said, “Mates, I need to talk to you right now.”

They all walked into the interrogation room and Jim asked, “What’s up, Connor?”

“Jim, I can’t marry you. I told my folks last night about Mel and me. I also told them about the babies and they weren’t that happy but they’ll be all right with it.” 

“Well, as a matter of fact,” Jim started, but Blair kicked him in the shin. “Shit, Sandburg, what did you do that for?”

“Sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to.” He leaned in and said, “don’t say a word.” Blair whispered. 

“Are you disappointed, Jim?” Connor asked. “Mel got crazy jealous at the thought of someone else being married to me.”

“I can understand that, Connor. Now we have to tell everyone that we aren’t getting married,” Jim said. 

“Everyone knows already. I told them before you got here. Hey, you were late, don’t be giving me nasty looks.”

“Connor, poker night's at our place. We’re going to tell everyone about the babies. Is that all right?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah, that’s great. You’re really excited, aren’t you, Jim?”

“Yeah, I am. I can’t wait. I never knew it but I wanted to have a child. Then I met Sandburg.”

“Oh very fucking funny, Jim. You’ll pay for that tonight, hot stuff.” Blair said as he walked off to start his busy day. 

When Simon walked in three hours later, he was smiling like he was on cloud nine. Brown said, “Man, the Captain must have gotten lucky last night.”

“Shit, how come he got lucky. He’s always saying he can’t get a date for anything,” Rafe asked. 

“Man, Simon must have met someone nice. He looks happy,” Joel said laughing at his friend. “I better go and see if there's anything he can tell his friend of many years.”

Blair and Jim just went over and sat down and didn’t say a word. “Hey, did you notice how quiet Jim and Blair are? They know. Damn it, they know who it is.” Rafe said starting over to Jim. 

“Get lost, Rafe,” Jim said, “I don’t know a thing.”

“Do you swear?” Brown asked. 

“I never fucking swear,” Sandburg said. 

“I never fucking swear either,” Jim said laughing along with Blair. “Hey guys, poker at our house on Saturday, we have some news to tell you.”

“Sandburg, you going to make any good food or is Jim in charge? Because ,if Jim is in charge we’re not coming,” Brown said. 

“Fine, stay home then. You won’t hear the news and I’ll make everyone swear that they don’t know,” Jim said pointing a finger at Brown’s chest. 

“I’ll be there, Ellison. Calm down,” Brown said laughing as he walked back to his desk. 

Blair’s phone rang and he answered, “Sandburg.”

“Blair, honey?”

“Hi, Mom. What are you doing in Cascade?” Blair asked. 

“Can’t a mother just want to see her son?” Naomi asked. 

“Yeah, I guess so. You need to stay with us, right?” Blair said, looking with sad eyes at Jim. Jim leaned over and said, “You know she’s always welcome there, baby.”

“Of course, I want to stay with my son. Can I have your room?”

“Sure, Mom. We’ll see you tonight, okay?”

While Blair was still talking to his mother, Jim called Simon’s house and when Jeremy answered, he said, “Hi, this is Jim.”

“Hey, Jim. What’s up?”

“I wanted to apologize for being a jerk earlier. I’m usually a jerk but not that big of one. Just wanted to say I was sorry and invite you to poker on Saturday night with Simon.”

“Man, that’s really nice, but you should probably ask him. He might not like the idea of coming out to anyone, Jim. He’s pretty uptight about this whole thing.”

“Okay, I’ll ask him later. Talk to you soon, Jeremy,” Jim said hanging up the phone. 

Joel came up to Jim’s desk and asked him to go out on a case with him. He told Blair where he was going and Blair said he’d work with Brown on the robberies and they’d meet up for lunch. 

The day flew by and on the way out of the bullpen that night, Jim asked Simon, “Sir, can I talk to you alone, please?”

“Come in and shut the door, Jim,” Simon said. 

“We’re having poker night and I invited Jeremy because I figured he’d have a good time. No one has to know that he’s with you, if that bothers you, but he said I had better ask you. He doesn’t want to upset you in any way.”

“He's the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” Simon said smiling. “Jim, I’ll bring him. I think I’m in love.”

“Hey, that’s great, Simon,” Jim said clapping his friend on his back. 

“If it’s all right, I’m going to introduce him as my date on Saturday,” Simon said. 

“Hey, I think it’s great. We’ll count on you both on Saturday then,” Jim said getting up to leave. 

“Jim, could you stay for a second and tell me a couple of things about anal sex?”

“Simon, you have the wrong one in here, let me get Blair.”

“Jim, I’d rather talk to you. Am I going to be okay with it? I don’t want to ask too much from you but I need to know if you’ve ever been taken.”

“Simon, Blair fucks me every chance he gets, so yes, I’ve been taken a lot,” Jim said smiling. 

“That doesn’t bother you then?” Simon asked nervously. 

“Nope, not in the least. He let's me take him too, Simon,” Jim said starting to laugh. 

“Get out of here, Ellison. Go home and enjoy each other,” Simon said smacking Jim on the back this time. 

Jim knew that he and Blair could look forward to a visit from Naomi and the poker night and things would be great. Everyone seemed to be happy. 

This is the way life was supposed to be. 

The end


End file.
